turningpoint Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Okay, so my last 2 experiences with guys went poorly. My ex of 2 years put me through hell (cheating and physical abuse) towards the end of the relationship. I met a guy about 5 months after things ended with my ex (I was not looking, it just happened) but I believe he has some type of personality disorder since he had many issues in his life and became verbally abusive, at which point I ended it immediately. We weren't in a relationship, just seeing each other for a couple of months. Anyway, I tried online dating out after I felt stronger and in a better place. Overall, things went well. However, I have met a guy I have a very strong connection with. We have a scary amount of things in common, I was able to completely be myself around him, the click was immediate, and honestly he felt like an old friend instantly. He actually expressed these feelings towards me first. After our first date, shyly saying how rare it is for him to meet someone that he feels like he's known for years and can be completely free with. I am not being unrealistic, this is just the FIRST time I have ever felt such a strong connection with someone. But now I'm feeling a bit insecure about things. For instance, with my recent ex (not necessarily with other guys), he came on very strong at first. Always wanting to see me, calling consistently, pretty much all the things people say are signs a guy is into you. However, at this period in my life, it was a little too fast. This current guy I met, runs at the speed I ran at before meeting my ex. He seems to just be letting it happen. He contacts me everyday, is very curious about my life, talks about future plans, but does not seem to be rushing further dates. I realized that this insecurity has been popping up ever since we connected. Our first date, amazing, and for a day I was totally enjoying the high, then go back into insecurity mode of waiting for the crap to hit the fan. Same with the second date and so forth. I've thought a lot about HIS actions and if he's doing anything to feed into this insecurity and in actuality he's acting the same way. He contacts me the same, his messages have become more intimate, he seems more enthusiastic about seeing me, whenever he's unsure of his schedule, he makes it clear on why. I think I've just dealt with such bad relationship / dating scenarios recently that I'm just waiting for things to go badly and I can't fully enjoy it. I'll over-analyze the smallest thing and think it's a sign he's losing interest. Or I'll feel insecure about the pacing of the dates, which I know is ridiculous. It's been 6 days since our last date which is not long at all. I realize that things with this guy may not work out, but I want to stop having this insecurity take over. It makes me super anxious when I'm not around him. This guy has no idea how I feel, and I know in the past (before all these bad experiences), I just went with the flow and was at a similar pace to the current guy. He's the first guy I've really liked since my ex, and the first person I genuinely ever connected with this strongly ever. I want to enjoy it for however long it lasts, but need to stop feeling jaded and insecure. Has anyone dealt with this before? How do you move past it?
Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 How long you've been dating now? Have you had a talk about exclusivity? I have notice I have a pattern. When I start dating someone everything is dandy till I start getting my hopes up that maybe this time he's the one. At that time I start feeling a little insecure because I usually don't have exclusivity with him yet. I am not the type of woman to date months without having exclusivity, usually 5-6 dates is all I will invest in a man before the *talk*. After we have the talk and we're both on the same page then I go back to feeling confident.
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