catherine1 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Hey, so i am consumed with soo much regret about my ex of two months. We dated for 6 months, i just had an intuition that he had lots of potential and i had a gut feeling about him. I knew he liked me a lot and didnt feel the need to ask, but after 6 weeks i thought he had got a little distant (he had just got out of a 2 yr relationship) my friends were asking me if were getting serious, so feeling his distance i thought id see. I thought his distance was because i hadnt asked, i asked if he still felt single, and that i seen him more than a once a week date, He said he liked me, was exclusive but didnt want to rush. Two weeks later, i told him in a lighthearted way, no pressure as i sensed i had freaked him out a bit. Anyway, the entire course of our dating was up & down after this, he became defensive as a way to push me away. We split, but now i regret saying something i knew i didnt have to say, and that i didnt mean. everything ruined because i tried to guess his thoughts
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 No. "Everything is ruined" because you wanted different things. He is in no rush. You were angling for a commitment. He didn't get defensive, to push you away. He got defensive because you became too demanding. It's over, and even if it were still on, it would be going pretty much nowhere, slowly....
Author catherine1 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 the thing is, i wasnt in no rush either and my regret is that i said something i didnt truly mean, im not desperate for a serious relationship. I said it to show him i liked him and to prove i didnt see him as a casual thing.
Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Catherine, you did not ruin anything. After 6 months it's normal to want more out of a relationship. He was not ready, he may not be ready for a long time, and you had invested enough time. It's normal you still think about him, it will pass. Do not regret, you followed your heart and it was the best thing for you to do. When you meet someone else and you experience what it is to be with a man ready for a commitment you will be thankful you did not invest more time in this guy. 1
Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 the thing is, i wasnt in no rush either and my regret is that i said something i didnt truly mean, im not desperate for a serious relationship. I said it to show him i liked him and to prove i didnt see him as a casual thing. If he had valued his relationship with you, he would not have bailed out on something like this, he would have had a conversation and made sure you understand each other. Feels like he jumped on this as an excuse he was waiting for. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) No. "Everything is ruined" because you wanted different things. He is in no rush. You were angling for a commitment. He didn't get defensive, to push you away. He got defensive because you became too demanding. It's over, and even if it were still on, it would be going pretty much nowhere, slowly.... Wow, I didn't see that at all. After six months, you should have a clear idea of where you are in your relationship. He was CLEARLY not showing this. He became distant and you wanted to know something simple, non-threatening and reasonable. He freaked out b/c he realized he didn't want give you what you rightfully wanted for yourself....god forbid, some kind of commitment. OP, you're going to meet guys like him. Just when he's comfortable with the relationship on his terms, a wrench is tossed in and WHAMO, he realizes, wait, she has other plans that conflict with my own and he freaks out. He bailed b/c you two didn't want the same things and he was forced to show his cards. Edited April 6, 2014 by soccerrprp 1
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Wow, I didn't see that at all. After six months, you should have a clear idea of where you are in your relationship. He was CLEARLY not showing this. He became distant and you wanted to know something simple, non-threatening and reasonable. He freaked out b/c he realized he didn't want give you what you rightfully wanted for yourself....god forbid, some kind of commitment. OP, you're going to meet guys like him. Just when he's comfortable with the relationship on his terms, a wrench is tossed in and WHAMO, he realizes, wait, she has other plans that conflict with my own and he freaks out. He bailed b/c you two didn't want the same things and he was forced to show his cards. Which is basically, precisely what I said. 1
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Thanks for your reply, I feel he didnt value the relationship because i mentioned it so early on and he went off me. Thinking back his slight distance could have been anything and I panicked and jumped to conclusions, thinking he wanted to hear that im serious about him. He was a good guy, so i feel a relationship wasnt out of the question, he just went off me for saying things I knew i didnt have to say.
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Thanks for your reply, I agree with what you are saying. I just feel like such an idiot for having a relationship talk after 6-8 weeks, then to say no pressure. That was too soon for him to say we were together, obviously at that point you still need to get to know each other. This put him off and he was edge that i'd bring it up again, it was uncomfortable for him.
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