realfriends Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Its her birthday tomorrow. Im around 4 months NC. Doing great. Actually have something fun planned for tomorrow. I would like for you all to just drill in my head that nothing good can come from me breaking NC to wish her a happy birthday. Its not going to open and lines of communications. Its not going to fix anything. She's the one that wanted me out of her life so thats exactly what I will do. I just like having this communities support because I'm sure all my friends will tell me otherwise. Plus I will wish her a happy birthday in my head since I wish her the best.
jonsnuh Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 This was from a post I had back in October: 8 more days until my ex's birthday. Thoughts of me sending a B-Day text have circulated in my head, but it's only given me thoughts of the post-text similar to what you've mentioned. 5 months of NC. Her B-Day was supposed to be a milestone and I'll keep it that way. Wishing her all the best, but how much I've gained by focusing on myself since our break... I'm not going to throw that all away. My nurtured indifference is my strength and I still need to work on putting the resentment aside. Here's to everyone coping. All the best.
Author realfriends Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 All the best. Thank you. I do not know your story but you were around the same time mark back then that I am out now. How have things turned out for you?
maturityassets Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Why sabotage yourself? She will just look down at the message and emasculate the thought of you. You wouldn't be doing it out of "niceness" but out of your desire to see if she is happy to hear from you
Cunning_Linguist Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 The only reason you would wish her a happy birthday is to satisfy a selfish need to be in contact with her. You don't genuinely want to wish her a happy birthday. Get out there and meet more women.
Author realfriends Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 The only reason you would wish her a happy birthday is to satisfy a selfish need to be in contact with her. You don't genuinely want to wish her a happy birthday. Get out there and meet more women. Thats not entirely true. Like I said, I will be wishing her happy birthday in my head tomorrow. Thats not selfish.
Popsicle Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Its her birthday tomorrow. Im around 4 months NC. Doing great. Actually have something fun planned for tomorrow. I would like for you all to just drill in my head that nothing good can come from me breaking NC to wish her a happy birthday. Its not going to open and lines of communications. Its not going to fix anything. She's the one that wanted me out of her life so thats exactly what I will do. I just like having this communities support because I'm sure all my friends will tell me otherwise. Plus I will wish her a happy birthday in my head since I wish her the best. don't wish her happy birthday. It won't open the lines of communication. It won't change anything. It'll just make you regret it. Hey, I resist the urge to break NC everyday and succeeded on his birthday too, so I know it's not easy but stay strong. Edited April 7, 2014 by Popsicle
jonsnuh Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Thank you. I do not know your story but you were around the same time mark back then that I am out now. How have things turned out for you? In short: 1. Sought intensive therapy to remain stable and reduce the frequency and duration of relapses; Meditation works wonders 2. Found out she's doing better than I am, but it doesn't bother me. In fact, it's only encouraged me to find more compatible people in my life 3. Realized I'd forgotten how to be happy and true to myself, how much I had been abused by her BPD, and how much it rubbed off on me 4. Had a few random flings. These only made me notice that I have to be better than I am now, and that only I can fill that void with happiness, with friends and family. Family most of all. Ultimately, and this is a personal opinion... I may have forgiven her, but I will not forget because of her being my first. She had profoundly impacted who I am today but I've focused on only the positive. For instance, she made me realize how close-minded I was although I would never be as promiscuous as she is today. It will get better... only if you will it to be that way. You have to make it happen. 1
Author realfriends Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Well todays the day. Im going to stand my ground firm. I have given many people advice and would be a hypocrite not to put my words to work and live the way I claim.
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