dudeguy56 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I've got a huge crush who I know doesn't feel the same. She's really nice though. I get super paranoid over everything and I have a hard time conversing with her because I constantly think about it. We've got a mutual friend who I was constantly suspicious if he liked her /vice versa. I've told him how I feel about her and I now know for a fact that he doesn't like her, although I don't know what she thinks of him. He's an extremely social person and I'm an introvert so I feel like an idiot beside him. They're also going to start taking ballet classes together which made me feel a bit excluded. Even if I'm not interested in ballet and I know that he doesn't like her. So I had planned to tell her in about three weeks when she and I are going to watch American Beauty together at her grandmas place. (Her grandma isn't at home, it'll be empty.) I want to tell her because I don't feel I'd be comfortable staying friends if I kept the truth from her and it's been having a large negative effect on my behaviour in general. To the point of my family noticing. I had planned to say something like "I need to tell you something, I hope this doesn't come between us. I like you and I understand that you don't feel the same. It's just been really difficult for me and I needed to tell you. Can we talk about it?" That would be after we've seen the movie. I've been feeling very apprehensive about it because for example we had planned going out on the country this summer and if she feels it gets awkward after I tell her she might not want to stay friends. I'd hate to **** our friendship up. Anyone can answer, I want everyone who can give input to answer... But if you're a girl, how would you react if a guy friend said this?
FloridaKeys Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 How do you know she doesn't feel the same? You've asked her about it before?
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I had planned to say something like "I need to tell you something, I hope this doesn't come between us. I like you and I understand that you don't feel the same. It's just been really difficult for me and I needed to tell you. Can we talk about it?" That would be after we've seen the movie. First you have zero evidence that she does not like you. It's only your insecurity talking. So replace the defeatist attitude with something more positive. As for your word choice as stated above: NO! It's awkward & defeatist. It screams that you don't like yourself & gives her no reason to like you. Instead, use the movie time to your advantage. Sit as close to her as possible. Try for a snuggle. Hopefully the house will cool, or at least chilly. Touch her casually. At some point tell her you like her. Ask her on an actual date. Have a plan, a place, a day & time. Be specific, not something lame like wanna hang out some time? You are hanging out with her to watch the movie at Grandma's. Perhaps try for a kiss. Whatever you do, do not say that you already know she doesn't like you.
Author dudeguy56 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 First you have zero evidence that she does not like you. It's only your insecurity talking. So replace the defeatist attitude with something more positive. As for your word choice as stated above: NO! It's awkward & defeatist. It screams that you don't like yourself & gives her no reason to like you. Instead, use the movie time to your advantage. Sit as close to her as possible. Try for a snuggle. Hopefully the house will cool, or at least chilly. Touch her casually. At some point tell her you like her. Ask her on an actual date. Have a plan, a place, a day & time. Be specific, not something lame like wanna hang out some time? You are hanging out with her to watch the movie at Grandma's. Perhaps try for a kiss. Whatever you do, do not say that you already know she doesn't like you. Listen, I know for a fact that she doesn't like me. I've heard that "love is weird" and other stuff before but this time it's obvious. I'm an introvert. Quiet and shy. Let's use my friend as an example, he's social and an extrovert. We slept over at her place two days ago. He was talking a lot, she was laughing at the things he were saying. They even decided to take ballet classes together. She also mentioned how her whole family liked him. And then there's me. I'm quiet, I barely said anything. The occasional comment here and there that's mildly amusing. She's also very confident and has told me before that if she likes someone it's easy for her to tell that person because she's grown to be more confident since her ex. Ohh, and she already knows I have a poor self esteem. That's who I am, always have been.
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 If you are so sure she doesn't like you, the last thing you should do is confess your crush to her. You might as well just tell her you never want to see her again or spend time with her. Your confession will make things very awkward & will cause her to pull away. If you can't stand the unrequited thing any longer, either man up & ask her on a proper date, Even if she says no things won't be as awkward as if you "confess". If you can't do that just fade away for your own sanity; at least stop putting yourself in quasi-romantic alone situations with her. FWIW, I think you are dead wrong about her feelings for you. If she didn't like you she would never agree to watch American Beauty with you alone in her grandmother's house. She'd either watch it in a group which included you or you'd be treated to some action adventure movie not one about romance with nude woman on the logo.
Author dudeguy56 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 If you are so sure she doesn't like you, the last thing you should do is confess your crush to her. You might as well just tell her you never want to see her again or spend time with her. Your confession will make things very awkward & will cause her to pull away. If you can't stand the unrequited thing any longer, either man up & ask her on a proper date, Even if she says no things won't be as awkward as if you "confess". If you can't do that just fade away for your own sanity; at least stop putting yourself in quasi-romantic alone situations with her. FWIW, I think you are dead wrong about her feelings for you. If she didn't like you she would never agree to watch American Beauty with you alone in her grandmother's house. She'd either watch it in a group which included you or you'd be treated to some action adventure movie not one about romance with nude woman on the logo. Well, I think you're wrong in the mindset that if you've had a crush on someone there's no point in even being friends if the feelings aren't mutual. She's a blast to hang out with. Really fun and I'd hate to throw that away. I want to tell her because keeping it from her is making me feel **** and in the long run I think both of us are more comfortable with the truth being out there. And she wants to watch American Beauty with me because we've talked about our favourite movies before and I said mine was American Beauty (it is). I then heard she hadn't seen it and I said she had to because it was really good. She's comfortable watching such movies with friends, I know that. And asking her out on a date is not possible for me. I could never ever do that. I'm an extremely shy person and I hate to even risk putting people in difficult situations. I've known her for five months now, I just want her to know the truth so we can move past it.
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