xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Hello everyone new user here, nice to meet you all There's a lot on my mind that I need to get out and share hoping to hear your thoughts and opinions on my situation and maybe get some advice on what should I do or how would you act if you were in my shoes. Well I'm 23 years old never had a serious relationship before. I'm or at least was really shy person. I had little to none self awareness until i turned 20. didn't even cared how I looked or what I did, just woke up everyday went to school "learned" went back home to play computer games or soccer with friends and that's it. I never had the courage to speak with girls I felt insecure for some reason. you know... shy kids are shy ^^. But those times are behind me now. I became very much aware of myself, met some people got new friends and everything is great. But then I met this girl at work... a really nice girl very attractive a bit younger than me (19) and smart. shes' living 3 hours drive away from where I live. we didn't work together much maybe a month but we were close and we said that we will keep in touch when I had to leave work (for personal reasons) and so we did. At first it seems that we were both interested in each other I wanted a girlfriend already I was sick of being alone for so long and I thought she was the one so I made a move a week after I left the workplace. Went to her place to surprise her(mistake #1 she didn't liked that I came uninvited), invited her to a comedian show and then to a nice restaurant (mistake #2 didn't said it was a date) and bought her a really nice not so expensive necklace (mistake #3) I really wanted for this to work but I got rejected... Well I thought to myself it's not a big deal cant blame a man for trying we will probably still catch up here and there nothing serious. I was wrong... she didn't want to stop she needed a friend not a boyfriend and so there I found myself in the 'friendzone'. a guy who wants more than just friends from a girl while she doesn't. We talked everyday since then (10 months now) and we kept seeing each other every now and then when we both can meet. I tried to take it to more than friends two more times just to get rejected again. her reasons? she's not looking for a boyfriend right now and because we live too far. a bit fishy if you ask me. Well here we are 10 months later still in the same spot. I want something more and she doesn't. I feel used because I've done a lot for her. helped her with everything she needed as much as I could over the phone (because of the distance) and when she was sad I did everything to make her happy. I was 'there' for her while she.. not so much. maybe because I'm not a problematic guy... don't know really. What should I do? Should I just stop being so nice and helpful? I'm sure I will end up getting hurt when she will have a boyfriend. Should I just end it? I want a girlfriend and if it can't be her then I will find someone else. Or just do nothing? hoping that she will eventually fall for me? Sorry if there are any misspelled words or grammar mistakes. did my best. Thanks for baring with me and reading this wall of text
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 How can I edit the title? Any Help* would be appreciated
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Many people do not want LDRs. They are very difficult. I don't find it fishy at all that she rejected you for being GUD (geographically undesirable). I hope you learned a few lessons from this unfortunate experience: 1. Surprising people by showing up is rarely a good idea. 2. If you want it to be a date, call it a date. 3. Giving jewelry too early is a turn off. It's too much pressure & crosses boundaries that shouldn't be broken that soon. 4. You do have the potential to find women you are attracted to 5. Once a woman says no once, that should be it. After she says No twice, you are entering into creepy stalker territory. Think about the things you did right: smiling, engaging in small talk, being friendly, organizing an interesting 1st date & build from there. 1
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Many people do not want LDRs. They are very difficult. I don't find it fishy at all that she rejected you for being GUD (geographically undesirable). I hope you learned a few lessons from this unfortunate experience: 1. Surprising people by showing up is rarely a good idea. And if she was my girlfriend? isn't it romantic? I thought so... Oo 2. If you want it to be a date, call it a date. You are 100% right. 3. Giving jewelry too early is a turn off. It's too much pressure & crosses boundaries that shouldn't be broken that soon. Again you are right! although she really liked it and after I gave it to her she did something very VERY weird. (I would like to hear what you think about it in a private message if you don't mind. I really need a second opinion on that one). 4. You do have the potential to find women you are attracted to Thanks the right person is right behind the corner I will find her! 5. Once a woman says no once, that should be it. After she says No twice, you are entering into creepy stalker territory. Nooooooo I'm not creepy at all I wanted to end it right after she said no the first time but she insisted on staying friends. Think about the things you did right: smiling, engaging in small talk, being friendly, organizing an interesting 1st date & build from there. Yeah! I really thought that it was somewhat more special than weird. Btw what's LDR? And thanks a lot my friend! you really helped!
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 LDR means long distance relationship. Giving your GF jewelry is good. Giving somebody jewelry on / before a 1st date is always BAD. Showing up unexpectedly can backfire even if you are dating. What if she wasn't home? In college one of my friends decided to surprise her BF 3 states away. I thought that had disaster written all over it so I called him & told him about her plan. I also warned him to be home, surprised & not be doing anything that would break her heart. Feel free to PM me. 1
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 LDR means long distance relationship. Giving your GF jewelry is good. Giving somebody jewelry on / before a 1st date is always BAD. Showing up unexpectedly can backfire even if you are dating. What if she wasn't home? In college one of my friends decided to surprise her BF 3 states away. I thought that had disaster written all over it so I called him & told him about her plan. I also warned him to be home, surprised & not be doing anything that would break her heart. Feel free to PM me. I talked to one of her friends before I drove there. I planned it very carefully to make sure it will be a surprise a really nice and special one. What can I say love is making me do some crazy things. but mistake is a mistake and it won't happen again not to a friend at least.
MidwestUSA Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 How can I edit the title? Any Help* would be appreciated You can't. The word 'help' is automatically deleted for titles. This place would be full of 'HELP ME' threads. Use the word 'advice' next time.
topaMAXX Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Many people do not want LDRs. They are very difficult. I don't find it fishy at all that she rejected you for being GUD (geographically undesirable). A 3 hour drive is NOT long distance. I hope you learned a few lessons from this unfortunate experience: 1. Surprising people by showing up is rarely a good idea. Could work. Depends how OP did it. Sounds like he's not very experienced and lacks confidence. I'd say that was his downfall. 2. If you want it to be a date, call it a date. Agreed. 3. Giving jewelry too early is a turn off. It's too much pressure & crosses boundaries that shouldn't be broken that soon. Jewelry is too much in any situation. Since OP knew her first, if he was going to give her present so quickly (not advised in most cases), it should have been something cheap that means something to her. Again, rookie mistake. 4. You do have the potential to find women you are attracted to True. 5. Once a woman says no once, that should be it. After she says No twice, you are entering into creepy stalker territory. It depends when she says no, how she says no, and what is going on in her life at that time. One of the biggest things that I've learned in dating is that no doesn't always mean no. Again, it depends on how OP goes about it. Think about the things you did right: smiling, engaging in small talk, being friendly, organizing an interesting 1st date & build from there. In many cases, getting a girl (especially for the long term) is messy. It's very rarely a clean and simply seduction. OP still has a chance, imo, based on what he wrote. 1
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 It seems that in order to use private messages I need to be "Established Member" or pay for subscription... well that's not gonna happen soon ok so here's the story...: we had a good laugh at the show it was very funny we talked a lot at the restaurant and then after I paid for the check I said "I have something i want to show to you" then I gave her the necklace. yep she was shocked indeed she couldn't speak for like a whole minute. but she liked it, she was so happy (and a bit confused) I could see it in her eyes. she stood up gave me a hug and said "I also have something to show to you later" (Alert Alert) here comes the weird part... We left the restaurant walked down the road, (she looked like she was looking for something or some spot) and she took me to some weird shady spot (cars were still able see us but couldn't stop). she looked at me and I'm at her and I knew she wanted to do something I just knew... *I ruined the 'moment' deliberately... she then came closer, kissed me and then jumped saying "that's what I wanted to show you" in a high pitched voice. then and we went back to the car, I drove her home and that was it. we never spoke about this again. So what just happened there? did she really wanted to do what I thought she wanted to do? *you can call me stupid or gay or old school or w/e. I ruined the moment because I just couldn't do whatever she wanted to do (or if she wanted?) right there outside... I just couldn't. So what do you think?
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) You can't. The word 'help' is automatically deleted for titles. This place would be full of 'HELP ME' threads. Use the word 'advice' next time. Thanks! didn't know that. A 3 hour drive is NOT long distance. that what I was thinking that's why I said fishy reason Could work. Depends how OP did it. Sounds like he's not very experienced and lacks confidence. I'd say that was his downfall. Yep I agree. I'm not very experienced and lacks the confidence but hey I tried Jewelry is too much in any situation. Since OP knew her first, if he was going to give her present so quickly (not advised in most cases), it should have been something cheap that means something to her. Again, rookie mistake. Yep. not gona do it again It depends when she says no, how she says no, and what is going on in her life at that time. One of the biggest things that I've learned in dating is that no doesn't always mean no. Again, it depends on how OP goes about it. Read my post above and see for yourself why that "no" she gave me was really questionable (I hope so). In many cases, getting a girl (especially for the long term) is messy. It's very rarely a clean and simply seduction. OP still has a chance, imo, based on what he wrote. Thanks for cheering me up. but I don't know if I still want her after all of this. I really think I should stop being so nice and just be her friend and try my luck with other girls Edited April 6, 2014 by xd22
topaMAXX Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Thanks! didn't know that. that what I was thinking that's why I said fishy reason Yep I agree. I'm not very experienced and lacks the confidence but hey I tried Yep. not gona do it again Read my post above and see for yourself why that "no" she gave me was really questionable (I hope so). Thanks for cheering me up. but I don't know if I still want her after all of this. I really think I should stop being so nice and just be her friend and try my luck with other girls Sounds like you really like her (based on having gotten to know her, which is much better than it just being a random girl on the street). I say keep going for it. Ignore the advice here about coming off as creepy. Years ago, I didn't pursue a few women that initially turned me down because I didn't want to come off as desperate. Now that I have more experience, I've realized that I likely would have gotten them had I been more persistent. I've also been turned down by women multiple times and kept going for it (despite just about everybody I know telling me it was a lost cause). In many cases, not only was I eventually successful, but the tables turned when I got them and they became VERY interested in me. My point is that if you like the girl for genuine reasons, you need to take some social and emotional risks to make things happen sometimes. Persistence is a good thing when done in a confident way. And, as I said, don't worry about people possibly thinking it's creepy. After all, it really only matters what you think and life is too short to not go after what you want because others don't approve. Carpe diem, brother! 1
Author xd22 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) Sounds like you really like her (based on having gotten to know her, which is much better than it just being a random girl on the street).I do!! a lot! I say keep going for it. Ignore the advice here about coming off as creepy. Years ago, I didn't pursue a few women that initially turned me down because I didn't want to come off as desperate. Now that I have more experience, I've realized that I likely would have gotten them had I been more persistent. I've also been turned down by women multiple times and kept going for it (despite just about everybody I know telling me it was a lost cause). In many cases, not only was I eventually successful, but the tables turned when I got them and they became VERY interested in me. I wish that was my case I really do! and I'm sure that if I had done some things different and were more confident she would have said yes. But I afraid it's over... I need to seriously talk to her and see where this leave us. I'm gonna do it today. I will let you all know how that went. My point is that if you like the girl for genuine reasons, you need to take some social and emotional risks to make things happen sometimes. Persistence is a good thing when done in a confident way. And, as I said, don't worry about people possibly thinking it's creepy. After all, it really only matters what you think and life is too short to not go after what you want because others don't approve. Carpe diem, brother! Thanks!!!! that's exactly how I was thinking when planing all of this. and I know I made rookie mistakes and all but it was all because I liked her very much. btw any comments about the story? I really want know if there was something planned in her head other than just the kiss... it's bugging me like hell. Edited April 6, 2014 by xd22
Author xd22 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 So... we talked a lot, things got a bit too emotional and we had a little fight because I told her that if we are not together then I need to take a step back and won't be so much 'there' for her as I used to be until today because that will only hurt me and will stop me from trying to get serious with other girls. Anyway we both agreed to stay friends because we really became good friends and we both care too much for each other. and on the plus side she even offered me her help if I ever need any advice on future relationships. One last thing... I really want to hear any thoughts you may have about that night we went out. (comment #9) Thanks!!!
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