snakeslumberparty Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 today my girlfriend said i can become clingy when we argue. she says i text her and call her alot i told her i dont mean to but you like to hold the issue in and i want to talk it out i guess i need to change my ways but its frustrating i hate waiting 2 or 3 days i want to talk it out as soon as i can
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 today my girlfriend said i can become clingy when we argue. she says i text her and call her alot i told her i dont mean to but you like to hold the issue in and i want to talk it out i guess i need to change my ways but its frustrating i hate waiting 2 or 3 days i want to talk it out as soon as i can yeah, I think the best way to approach a problem is to let it sit for a day or 2 then talk like the argument never happened.
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Sometimes you have to leave a conflict for a moment, let it cool down, before testifying it. Contrary to popular belief, not all conflicts need to be resolved immediately. Next time you argue, take a breath, leave her alone for a day or two, then come back to it. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I love to talk things out right away. Usually guys that wanted to delay the discussion for 2 -3 days weren't that into me. 3
Author snakeslumberparty Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 i hate waiting a few days..it just lingers 1
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I love to talk things out right away. Usually guys that wanted to delay the discussion for 2 -3 days weren't that into me. That's not always the case though. Sometimes, people need to step back a bit. I'm one of those people - in the heat of the moment, I don't articulate myself well. I also don't listen. I'm better off walking away, processing the disagreement in my head, and then coming back and being a better listener and more articulate, which ensures a resolution. He has nothing to lose by waiting 24hrs the next time they fight, and then attempting to resolve it.
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 i hate waiting a few days..it just lingers You should try, otherwise if you badger her to resolve, she might dump you altogether. 1
Author snakeslumberparty Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 You should try, otherwise if you badger her to resolve, she might dump you altogether. true...but so much could happen in those 24 hours
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 true...but so much could happen in those 24 hours Only if the relationship is doomed. Look, what you're doing right now will lead more fights, and an eventual break up. The writing is on the wall on that front. Let it go for 24hrs next time and what happens. If she dumps you, that's where was headed anyway.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 today my girlfriend said i can become clingy when we argue. she says i text her and call her alot i told her i dont mean to but you like to hold the issue in and i want to talk it out i guess i need to change my ways but its frustrating i hate waiting 2 or 3 days i want to talk it out as soon as i can I'm like this too - I simply cannot handle the wrong feeling inside me, I hate the friction until it is resolved. My ex would go from anywhere from 1-6 weeks of silence because he didn't want to "rock the boat" and resolve the issue so he would simply ignore it and me in the process. Op tell her how you feel, how you feel when you don't talk it out. If she can't understand that I would say move on. The torment I felt with my ex was the most painful thing ever. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Communication is key and if they don't communicate when things get tough well.. It's a massive issue
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 That's not always the case though. Sometimes, people need to step back a bit. I'm one of those people - in the heat of the moment, I don't articulate myself well. I also don't listen. I'm better off walking away, processing the disagreement in my head, and then coming back and being a better listener and more articulate, which ensures a resolution. He has nothing to lose by waiting 24hrs the next time they fight, and then attempting to resolve it. So what if you don't articulate yourself well? If you are close to someone, shouldn't he see how you react in the heat of the moment? He has a lot to lose by waiting 24 hours. If he is very emotionally invested it will feel like torture. I just don't see this need to manipulate the perception someone has of you by only letting them see you at your most composed and rational. There is nothing stopping you from having another discussion when you have both cooled down. 1
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 So what if you don't articulate yourself well? If you are close to someone, shouldn't he see how you react in the heat of the moment? He has a lot to lose by waiting 24 hours. If he is very emotionally invested it will feel like torture. I just don't see this need to manipulate the perception someone has of you by only letting them see you at your most composed and rational. There is nothing stopping you from having another discussion when you have both cooled down. It's not manipulating. It's putting myself forward in the best possible way to resolve an argument so that it doesn't end up going around in circles. No, he has nothing to lose. His gf has already complained that he is too clingy and badgers her after an argument. What do you think she's going to do if he doesn't listen? If he badgers her and she gets the sh*ts, she'll dump him. If he waits 24 hours and then attempts to talk to her and she dumps him, then that is what was always going to happen. He should try it once if he wants to try and save the relationship. Otherwise, he can keep badgering her and see how quickly the relationship ends up going down the toilet. When something isn't working, try something different. Don't decide that there is only 1 way to fight and that's it. He could at least try it her way.
GemmaUK Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I prefer to let things cool down for a bit before going back to the issue. To be honest, more often than not the issue isn't worth the argument and the issue fizzles into insignificance. It's about choosing your battles. If someone was blowing up my phone after an argument it would just wind me up further. When I have had arguments with a partner and not gone for the cool down it's just been heated on both sides and the issue didn't get resolved anyway at that point in time so jumping in straight away made things worse.
Keenly Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I prefer right away conflict addressing and resolution. What I absolutely CANT STAND is when there is an argument, and they shut down communication for anywhere from 4 hours to 5 days, and then just resume talking like nothing ever happened. That's not resolution, that's deflection and avoidance. Unhealthy stuff.
pickflicker Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I prefer right away conflict addressing and resolution. What I absolutely CANT STAND is when there is an argument, and they shut down communication for anywhere from 4 hours to 5 days, and then just resume talking like nothing ever happened. That's not resolution, that's deflection and avoidance. Unhealthy stuff. Not addressing it, yes, is unhealthy, but walking away to let cooler heads prevail is not a bad thing in my book. Address things when you're calm.
Recommended Posts