thefading Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Title basically says what happened, I'm just confused and wish I could get some opinions or advice. We had been dating for over 6 months and everything had been good and dandy. We both were happy (At least he always told me he was) and things weren't rocky at all. We never had an actual fight, the closest we've ever gotten was when we tried to park in Berkeley. I basically lived with him, spending 5 out of the 7 nights at his home for most of the 6 months, and he seemed fine with it. I always told him to inform me if I bothered him and that I'd completely understand. Anyways, going back to how we broke up... He had told me he loved me when he was trying to comfort me when I was freaking out about school and paying for expenses. It was the first time he had said it to me, and so I said it back because I felt that I loved him, I just wanted to wait until he said it so I wouldn't scare him. Fast forward a couple of days, and I was concerned about him saying that he loved me because he was acting a little strangely. So in the morning I asked to talk to him, and informed him of my concern. I told him that I didn't want him to say he loved me if he didn't mean it. His response was, "I feel like your feelings for me are stronger than mine for you" and I understood. It happens in a lot of relationships, but as the conversation went on, he started telling me that he was sorry he led me on. And that I should find someone who could love me. I started to panic a little, and I told him that I didn't care if he loved me or not, I just didn't want him to pretend to. And he said that he wasn't okay with it. He then continued to tell me that he really cared about me, that I made him so happy, and that he liked me a lot. But he still ended it. I'm confused. I don't know if I did something wrong, or if maybe he just didn't want a long term relationship even though we had been dating for an okay amount. Please help, I just need to talk it out and hear some opinions to get over this break up. Thank everyone.
lamis Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 It could be a number of things. Obviously (and unfortunately for you) he regretted what he said, whether or not he felt it or not, and felt like things were just getting too serious. He probably felt a lot of pressure/fear about the whole thing, and he just decided to bail out. Sorry that it happened, but you are better off for it, he is obviously not all that emotionally mature.
sooshi Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'm sorry that you're hurting. I agree with lamis--I think he regretted what he said, and he realized that you care for him in a way that he doesn't care for you. I believe that he does care about you, and that he did the right thing by ending the relationship so he doesn't lead you on any further. He knows it's not fair to you, or to him, and he didn't want to do that anymore. He didn't want to hurt you anymore, and couldn't keep up with the serious direction that the relationship was heading.
Brutus Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I understand your situation. I had a similar one. My GF told me that she cannot live without me 4 days before leaving me. After one month we met again and she told me exactly this: "I thought I couldn't. I was puzzled when I realized I can." Sure, that hurts. And I know other cases of such an apparently unexplicable behavior. The way I explain it to myself is that often people, even when they do not love anymore, the feel still very much "attached" to their partner, they try to persuade themselves (and the other) that it is still love, but this does not last too long, especially when the other person feels a change in their behavior and starts asking questions or looking for confirmations. In fact, when I asked her if she still loved me, she could not answer. This often makes us feel "guilty" for the end of the relationship, because we feel we made a mistake by being too "needy". More often than not, we just brought to the surface what was already down there: the extintion of the other person's love.
maturityassets Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Idk his history but maybe commitment phobic?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Honestly? I think he met someone. Whether he loved you or not, there is more than just saying it that would provoke someone to suddenly end it when there are no other signs of trouble.
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