Onethirtyeight Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) There is this girl that lead me on really bad. She wasn't just being nice, she was flirting with me and doing suggestive things like sitting on my lap at parties and sending me pictures of herself in bikinis to get me to do things for her. I caught on to this and stopped doing those things when we didn't progress to anything more than that and she got upset. I stopped talking to her for a while and then she stared acting like she had changed and we resumed being friends. She then tried this on another guy and I realized she's an awful person that abuses the fact that men are attracted to her to get her way. She is using this guy so bad and I don't think he has any idea because he is even more clueless with women than I am. He has called her his girlfriend when she's not around but I know that's not the case. I stopped talking to her one day and that was it. The only time I have talked to her since was when she was trying to give me something of mine. I just figured it wasn't worth it to deal with her and told her to give it to the goodwill. I know she's been asking our mutual friends what the deal is and I've told them when they bring it up. I think they get it. I'm also sure some of this is getting back to her. I actually don't think she dislikes me and I think she really is confused and wants to be my friend. I don't really hate her but I'm not going to be around someone that plays people like that. I'm not open to a friendship anymore. Should I send her an email (I don't have her phone number anymore and I've deleted and blocked her on facebook) telling her what the deal is now that we're three months into no longer being friends? Would that clear things up a little or would it just make things worse? EDIT: I'm 22, she's 21, and we're just all in the same circle of friends. Edited April 6, 2014 by Onethirtyeight
lsuser Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 No explanation is required. She's not your friend; she's just someone who happens to be in your circle of acquaintances. She treated you, and others, badly, and has lost the chance to earn your friendship and respect. If you had been friends - real friends, who cared about each other and looked out for each other - it might be worth an email, but she's no one to you, so just move on. 1
preraph Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Look, you have her pegged right. She's a user. She uses men by flirting with them. She may be perfectly lucid about this or she may have grown up with a really awful role model and not "get" what's wrong with her using/acting like a ho behavior. Either way, you should just not ever respond. If she doesn't know what she's doing, someone will tell her soon enough! Just get out while you can and leave her completely behind. 1
pteromom Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I would send her an email. It could help her realize what she is doing. She may not even be aware of how her actions can affect the guys she does this to.
Rubypumped Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) I have had people suddenly stop talking to me and it really hurts because it lowers my self esteem thinking I did something wrong. However, I ask them what the problem is because I am sure I didn't do anything to them. When they don't respond to my inquiry, that is COLD and it's as though I'm worthless. First they won't talk to me and now they won't even tell me why? So if she asks you, then tell her exactly what you said above, but try not to be accusing because she might really get her feelings hurt. I'm not advocating her actions at all, I'm just saying sometimes people don't realize what's going on or that their actions were offensive. So tell her the truth, just be nice about it: not accusing OR extra nice because that's just as insulting (like, hey I'm super nice but I'm totally judging and telling you off right now with no chance for you to explain yourself--look at how good I am at talking down to you!). Just straightforward like you wrote it above. If she doesn't ask, don't worry about it unless she really seems hurt about it (because maybe then she's just too shy or something). Also, if she doesn't ask and you email her anyway she might take it as an attack or think it gives her power over you. (Either way that won't end well.) I'm glad that you care enough about others that after three months you're making sure you don't hurt her feelings even though she was a jerk to you. That's the type of person I am too. I know this all sounds like way too much to think about and is just stupid drama, but take it from someone who has had a lot of jerks in her life -- feeling rejected and worthless REALLY cuts deep and it's these types of things that cause it (especially when they come from close friends who are suddenly cold, but even when it's acquaintances). You totally have a right to want to stop talking to her -- she has been a major jerk. I'm just saying that if she seems really confused and upset about that, then kindly tell her what's going on. Edited April 8, 2014 by Rubypumped
Author Onethirtyeight Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I have had people suddenly stop talking to me and it really hurts because it lowers my self esteem thinking I did something wrong. This almost doesn't go with the rest of what you said. I don't want to hurt her but it is her fault and I would like her to know that. It is her fault that I'm not talking to her anymore. Based on the rest of what you said you're thinking I shouldn't do anything unless she reaches out to me to ask why. The thing is I have made that very difficult because I don't want to deal with her. I can totally see why from her point of view why she woudn't want to even try to ask out of fear she'd just get **** on. Which frankly that was intentional, I wouldn't ever really rip into her but I never wanted to deal with her again and I've been putting on this pissy facade to keep her away. To everyone on here that's part of why I wonder about this. If I was being more open and she never came forward I'd know she doesn't care. That said I've been an ass and I can understand why she hasn't even if she wanted to. I know she's having trouble with this. At the same time I don't know why she'd still be struggling with it because she could just write me off as an ******* which would be the easy thing to do.
Rubypumped Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 The reason I said that is because it was always true in my case and I couldn't fathom what I did to make them hate me so much. My point is that she might not even realize what she did. You seem extremely caring based on the explanation you just gave about why you're even asking this question. I would go ahead and tell her just what you told us. An email sounds great. Start it off with the reason you gave us so it doesn't sound like an attack. And maybe she will continue to be a jerk by being rude about it or something. At least your conscience will be clear.
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