Author Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. How can you justify his behaviour so much? Why does he want to stay in canada so bad that he would do a fake marriage and commit fraud? Once you answer that, I'm sure you will see that his reasons aren't good enough. I would not entertain this relationship anymore if it was me. I am not sure where you see me justifying anything. Maybe you have not read the whole thread. Where did I say I agree with this? If the man wants to do something stupid he is free to do it, He can lead his life as he wishes, I am not married to him. We owe each other nothing. For now nothing he does interferes with my morals. 'When and if' he does, I will address it.
Bigcitydreamer Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I am not sure where you see me justifying anything. Maybe you have not read the whole thread. Where did I say I agree with this? If the man wants to do something stupid he is free to do it, He can lead his life as he wishes, I am not married to him. We owe each other nothing. For now nothing he does interferes with my morals. 'When and if' he does, I will address it. I did read the whole read and you are justifying it by continuing to date him and thinking things like "I can now see he likes me for me and not for my ability to take care of him", which you base on one conversation with him and is also irelevant. You say that since you are 48 you aren't being blinded by bad men but you actually are. Why would you want to date someone on this situation that you just started dating? That's like me moving down to the US (I'm Canadian) and just wanting to stay there for selfish reasons and then arranging a fake marriage to do so. I wouldn't do that. Those laws are there for a reason not to be worked around by a fake marriage. You seem nice from your posts I think you deserve better and shouldn't waste time on a situation like this. I know people make mistakes in life I'm not a super straight arrow or anything but you are about to justify to him that this is even slightly appropriate in your eyes if you stay with him while he contemplates this foolish decision.
Author Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) Bigcitydreamer: I have said on here, and to him, if he goes ahead with that, I am walking away. I do not doubt my ability to do it and I do not doubt I will have a new man the following week. For all I know he is just thinking out loud and he will figure out a way around it without having to do something like this. For now it's just that - talk. ADD: I continue dating him because he's done nothing so far. I don't cut off people on stupid ideas that may cross their mind when they're in trouble, I judge them on their actions. When he does something bad I will act accordingly. He did offer me a LDR and I declined. Him returning to CT is still on the table. Edited April 8, 2014 by Gaeta
Author Gaeta Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 A quick update: Boyfriend decided to not move back to Connecticut and he is also not going ahead with a set up marriage. There are no immediate emergencies concerning his residency. It can be a few years before it becomes an issue so he decided to let life unfold on its own and not interfere. 1
TAV Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 That's sort of good news, Gaeta, though of course still some uncertainty about his (and inevitably your) future. Do you think when he told you he was just overwhelmed by the situation and therefore felt like he had to tell you without getting all his facts straight or was it some sort of test to see how committed you are? I'm asking this because you are a strong, independent woman and he knew you before you were dating. So he knows you have no problem leaving a man behind and that might make him somewhat insecure/afraid to lose you.
Author Gaeta Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 I am somewhat relieved. I think he was overwhelmed and preoccupied, he also needed to warn me he was in a difficult situation that could affect-end our relationship. As for testing how much I was committed, before confessing he told me he knew already I was not the type to stay in the relationship under these conditions. As for being strong and independent, last week he told me he felt it did not take much for me to go next on a guy. I clarified that yes and no. If I feel the man is into me and we're in it together I will walk through fire for him but if I get a vibe he's not into it as much as I am, I do check-out pretty fast. 1
Hopeful30 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 If you doubt your boyfriend to the point where you think he would make up such a story just to get hitched with you, then I feel sorry for your relationship... If I was with a man that I truly loved, I would let him get married for the 7k. I don't understand why this news hurts you... it hurts HIM more than anything because he might be deported and lose everything (his life here, his friends, whatever else he accomplished during his time here). And once you're deported, you can't come back. So he has more to worry about than you. I'm just shocked that you think he might be making this up. How can you be with a man who you think like that about? Of all things you should be supportive right now...
Author Gaeta Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 If you doubt your boyfriend to the point where you think he would make up such a story just to get hitched with you, then I feel sorry for your relationship... If I was with a man that I truly loved, I would let him get married for the 7k. I don't understand why this news hurts you... it hurts HIM more than anything because he might be deported and lose everything (his life here, his friends, whatever else he accomplished during his time here). And once you're deported, you can't come back. So he has more to worry about than you. I'm just shocked that you think he might be making this up. How can you be with a man who you think like that about? Of all things you should be supportive right now... For a moment it crossed my mind just like it would have crossed any woman's mind after being told such a story. You have to remember we have been dating for 2 months, not 2 years. You don't give your trust blindly to a man you've been dating 2 months. As for the part of being with a man I truly love....again, we have been dating for 2 months, no one is in love yet. We like each other a lot, but this is not a `love conquer it all `here. My head is still ruling over my heart. If you had read the entire thread you would have seen that the situation progressed and my first worry had dissipated quickly.
Hopeful30 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 For a moment it crossed my mind just like it would have crossed any woman's mind after being told such a story. You have to remember we have been dating for 2 months, not 2 years. You don't give your trust blindly to a man you've been dating 2 months. As for the part of being with a man I truly love....again, we have been dating for 2 months, no one is in love yet. We like each other a lot, but this is not a `love conquer it all `here. My head is still ruling over my heart. If you had read the entire thread you would have seen that the situation progressed and my first worry had dissipated quickly. Oh, yes that changes things. I was under the impression you were in a serious relationship. Hmmm... well you can't blame a man for trying! I suppose I would do the same thing if I really didn't want to get deported. I guess now you just have to ask yourself whether it's something you are willing to deal with or not.
TAV Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 So what happened any updates ? Uhm... Post 79 was an update??? 1
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 liessssss he is from the USA not from a third world country where he has to do drastic things to stay in Canda or any other good country He has no excuse to do such things... So what, they tell him to leave Canada, he leave it and then come back again.... You have zero clue of how hard it is to immigrate here. Zero.
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 He is lying. It is SO EASY for Americans to stay in Canada. I know several people who immigrated to Canada from the US with no issues. This guy is feeding you a bunch of lies. After one month he is playing all these games with you. Don't fall for it. He is bad news! Nope, not anymore. 2
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 - he said he couldn't wait to go back to the States ... back to the cutest girls in the world. (sorry, couldn't resist.) He moved to the US as a child, he has no desire to go back to his country of birth, to him it's just that a country of birth. To him home is Connecticut. Any by the way, Haiti is so corrupted that aid does not make it to the population. After 4 years people still live under tents in extreme poverty. Just curious, and I don't know how these things work, but what is his immigration status with the US? I believe you say he has a Haitian passport and he does not have a US passport - if he is required to leave Canada, on what basis would he be welcomed to settle back into the US? Just because he considers CT to be his home doesn't mean much officially. Does he have residency papers, or something based upon his previous time there?
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