Author Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I thought Haitians got a lot of government aid to rebuilt after the quake. There should be lots of construction jobs there. I wonder if he has a wife back home in Haiti. He moved to the US as a child, he has no desire to go back to his country of birth, to him it's just that a country of birth. To him home is Connecticut. Any by the way, Haiti is so corrupted that aid does not make it to the population. After 4 years people still live under tents in extreme poverty.
jay1983 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 OH is that what people thought?? No he did not ask me for money! and I am not offering any. Do like I told you, you stay safe and I'm curious to see what the outcome is.
Author Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Also, OP has been dating him for one month and she is so devastated by the news? ... I don't remember saying I was devastated. I remember saying that I was numb by his story and what he considered doing. I also remember saying I have been dating him for 1 month but have dated him about 2 years ago so he is not a stranger to me.
Author Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Do like I told you, you stay safe and I'm curious to see what the outcome is. You serious?? lol, You want me to tell him to go ahead and do something illegal? and something I already told him I would walk away from?
Phantom888 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Let this one go. Too much drama for a new relationship. You can find someone much better for you without the drama. 1
jay1983 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) You serious?? lol, You want me to tell him to go ahead and do something illegal? and something I already told him I would walk away from? Okay, then tell him to just go back to Haiti. I'd leave you, pay 7k, 10k whatever it costs and arrange my marriage to avoid going back. Edited April 7, 2014 by jay1983
Author Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Let this one go. Too much drama for a new relationship. You can find someone much better for you without the drama. *sigh* I know I would find someone else and I am not gonna run out of men to date but at some point I got to stick with one right? I am like the Carrie Bradshaw of Montreal, I feel I have dated approximately 1 million men in this city by now.
jay1983 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Let this one go. Too much drama for a new relationship. You can find someone much better for you without the drama. Might be right. Geata my point is your not looking at this from his perspective, your only thinking of yourself. 1
GoreSP Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Ok OP. You have pretty much stood against every suggestion that was given to you in this thread. Exactly what is it you want us to tell you?
Els Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I'm very familiar with the arranged marriage thing, they're not real couples. They just do what they have to do to stay in US. Yes it is illegal, but it's either that or they're not staying. You'd be amazed what good people would do, if they had no other option. Haiti are you F ing serious, I'd marry 20 women I don't know and pay 100k before I go back there! I'm not sure you can justify it that way; and yes, I'm a migrant from an underdeveloped country so I know exactly what is at stake. The thing is that even with legality aside, I'm not inclined to be sympathetic with such people because they are the very reason for why GENUINE couples have so much problem reuniting a LDR. For every man/woman doing what the OP's bf is thinking of doing, there will be a real, genuine, loving couple who simply wants to be together, but are prevented from doing so by the barriers enacted against them due to the actions of the OP's bf and his ilk. I've met a few. Some with children and a REAL marriage that was torn asunder because of that. Makes me sick. 7
jay1983 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Ok OP. You have pretty much stood against every suggestion that was given to you in this thread. Exactly what is it you want us to tell you? She doesn't want to marry him. She doesn't want him to marry someone else in order to stay because it's illegal and she doesn't like the idea of him being married to someone else for any reason, even though he has no choice. Okay that's understandable, I think this is a reasonable situation to break up, if I've ever heard one. Move on, you'll find someone else, he probably will too, problem solved.
GoreSP Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 She doesn't want to marry him. She doesn't want him to marry someone else in order to stay because it's illegal and she doesn't like the idea of him being married to someone else for any reason, even though he has no choice. Okay that's understandable, I think this is a reasonable situation to break up, if I've ever heard one. Move on, you'll find someone else, he probably will too, problem solved. She doesn't want to move on either... 1
HappyLove Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 It's all just so shady though. You've only been dating a month and all of a sudden he needs to figure out marrying someone to stay? He has no business picking up a girlfriend with all these problems. How exactly did you two reconnect again? You sure he wasn't going through his file of women he could dupe? I remember you were so upset he was saying he can't wait to leave and even after talking to him about it he mentioned it again... I think he was testing you to see how committed you were and if he could spring this on you or not.
jay1983 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I'm not sure you can justify it that way; and yes, I'm a migrant from an underdeveloped country so I know exactly what is at stake. The thing is that even with legality aside, I'm not inclined to be sympathetic with such people because they are the very reason for why GENUINE couples have so much problem reuniting a LDR. For every man/woman doing what the OP's bf is thinking of doing, there will be a real, genuine, loving couple who simply wants to be together, but are prevented from doing so by the barriers enacted against them due to the actions of the OP's bf and his ilk. I've met a few. Some with children and a REAL marriage that was torn asunder because of that. Makes me sick. Okay your right. So what do you suggest?
FitChick Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 The man will be returning to Connecticut, not exactly a Third World country. It's one of the wealthiest states in the union. If he's a builder, he will find plenty of work. Gaeta can move to Connecticut if she is so besotted.
jay1983 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 The man will be returning to Connecticut, not exactly a Third World country. It's one of the wealthiest states in the union. If he's a builder, he will find plenty of work. Gaeta can move to Connecticut if she is so besotted. Okay I'm confused. OP is he getting deported to Haiti or Connecticut?
Author Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I am the one who contacted him last month to give me an estimate on my bathroom renovation. So no, he was not going through his contacts to fish for a spouse. When he is asked to leave the country he will go to Connecticut, not Haiti. His problems with Canada are because he was born in Haiti, as long as he leaves the country they don't care where he goes. UPDATE: We spent the evening together. I asked him how serious he was about this project of his. He said he has not made a decision but every other avenues have failed so it's getting a serious possibility. Sounds also that he has a lot of friends, and even family that are influencing him into doing this. Without me prompting him he told me he doesn't want me to worry he will not ask me to consider marrying him. This is not how he wants to be in my life. He added my family and my daughter would turn against me and they would lose respect for him + I would live in fear that he'd up and go anytime after he got his papers. Asking me was never an option. I think that puts to rest that he wanted to use me. I asked where I fitted in all this and after a silence he said he could not answer that question, it was too early to tell. I must have made a face because right after that he kissed me he said to not worry we're going to be ok, he's not letting me go anywhere. He asked me several times what I wanted, if I wanted him to stay, or what he should do. I told him he should do what he thinks is the best thing for him and to not worry about me, I will be fine. If he makes a decision I cannot live with I will move on and I will be ok. 2
Author Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 i remember you were so upset he was saying he can't wait to leave and even after talking to him about it he mentioned it again... I think he was testing you to see how committed you were and if he could spring this on you or not. I explained to me he said those things out of anger after visiting 4 hospitals then having to pay for his health care (when he pays his income tax like everyone else).
FitChick Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You could have a long distance relationship. Montreal and Connecticut aren't that far away. You could even meet halfway for the weekend.
Els Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Okay your right. So what do you suggest? He should return to Connecticut and she should either consider an LDR or, if she feels she doesn't want an LDR, move on. 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Based on your other threads, you need to take it slow with this guy and still feel him out.
HappyLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I'm glad you're a smart woman Gaeta, we don't need to worry about you. Hope it works out for you in the end. 1
jay1983 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 He should return to Connecticut and she should either consider an LDR or, if she feels she doesn't want an LDR, move on. Sorry I had the facts mixed up.
Author Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Thank you everyone for sharing your opinion and advice. It allowed me to break it down and see it for what it is. He's not a bad guy, he is just in a bad situation. I feel assured now he sees me for me, and not as someone he can take advantage of to solve his problem. Jay1983 thank you, when you made the comment I was just thinking of myself you were right. He needs to make the best decision for himself....just like I will have to make the best decision for myself later on. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. How can you justify his behaviour so much? Why does he want to stay in canada so bad that he would do a fake marriage and commit fraud? Once you answer that, I'm sure you will see that his reasons aren't good enough. I would not entertain this relationship anymore if it was me. 1
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