Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I never thought I would find myself faced with a situation like this. I spent part of the day with my bf. He was more quiet than his usual, he said he had to tell me something and he was afraid that would hurt me and I would not want to talk to him again. Long story short, his extension to stay in Canada has been denied. He said he tried every avenue including taking a lawyer. There is no deadline for him to leave yet but he lives in fear any day he will be asked to up and go. (He's from the US) Someone has told him he knows someone that knows someone that does arranged marriages for 6K-7K. The person gets his permanent residency after 7-8 months then you proceed with divorce the following year. He said he knows if he does this he will lose me. I said yes, that's right, I will not put myself through this type of hurt. He said it would be a front, he would not actually have a relationship with this woman and he would tell her he has a gf, etc etc etc. I don't know what to think! Part of me thinks this is his story and nothing more to it, another part of me thinks it's made up to have me say 'I will marry you'. 1
georgecostanza Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Can you not marry him? Or move back with him? 2
SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 My first thoughts are why would Canada care as we're neighbors, practically brothers but the US is very weak on immigration so it may be true.
Candy_Pants Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Whoa. Hmm..... Wasn't he the one saying he "couldn't wait to go back"? Here's the opportunity. You wouldn't let this be the "reason" you married, would you?
ja123 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) - he said he couldn't wait to go back to the States - he spent all Saturday doing laundry (only 1 Sat. in 4 that you spent together) - he always likes older women - now he says he'll do a gun-shot arranged marriage to stay in the country The guy's a gigolo. Wake up. You're going to be fleeced, woman! Edited April 6, 2014 by ja123 15
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I did a quick review of your other recent thread about this guy - and I think the dynamic sounds quite odd. I would be wary if I were you. Let this guy figure out his visa situation on his own, without your involvement. This is his problem - don't let it become yours. 13
HappyLove Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 - he said he couldn't wait to go back to the States - he spent all Saturday doing laundry (only 1 Sat. in 4 that you spent together) - he always likes older women - now he says he'll do a gun-shot arranged marriage to stay in the country The guy's a gigolo. Wake up. You're going to be fleeced, woman! DING DING DING!!! Red SIRENS were going off left and right reading your post OP! This guy is shady as hell. First he cant wait to back now needs to marry someone?! He's using you OP. You're right he's trying to use reverse psychology to get you to say you'll marry him. Let him figure out his "problems" I'm sure he will be bailing on you soon if you don't offer to marry him. I've met plenty older women who fell for jerks like this and ended up losing everything. I don't buy it one bit. Sorry OP. 5
Anela Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 My first thoughts are why would Canada care as we're neighbors, practically brothers but the US is very weak on immigration so it may be true. My sister just moved to Canada today, about eighteen months after marrying her now-husband. They tightened the rules in 2010, and that was why he finally asked her to marry him. She'd been up there for months at a time in the past, but the border guards insisted that she take a certain amount of money up there with her, in case of injury, illness, or another sort of problem that would require money, and she was only supposed to stay there for a month. She wasn't allowed to live there after they got married - she stayed there for two weeks, and then came back. Canada made things stricter than they used to be, not the U.S. I wouldn't go along with this Gaeta. It all sounds weird. 1
ja123 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Also Gaeta, is he really here in Canada working legally in the first place? . Although we have NAFTA, employment is given to foreign workers if there aren't any Canadians available to do the job. Usually this means the foreign workers are highly skilled, or perhaps contracted by a company from their country that has opened an office here. If he is a regular blue collar guy, then I don't see how he would have got papers to work here because there's already lots of blue collar Canadians who are out of work. . I am wondering now, if this might be part of the reason he didn't want you to go to the hospital with him when he cut his fingers, because then you'd find out he didn't have all the necessary papers and that he has been working here illegally and/or is involved with something shady. . I don't mean to cast aspersions on his character without knowing him, but you really do need to be very prudent. 4
J21 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Someone has told him he knows someone that knows someone that does arranged marriages for 6K-7K. The person gets his permanent residency after 7-8 months then you proceed with divorce the following year. This is marriage fraud!! I'm sure you already know to stay clear of this!! I can't believe he would even think of doing such a thing!! The fact that he knows specific information on who can do the arranged marriage, how much it costs, and how long it would take shows he's been giving serious thought about this... or at least did his research! It just makes the guy wreak of shadiness! Granted, he wants to stay, but the fact that he would stoop to marriage fraud?? I dunno... there are too many red flags here................ 5
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 liessssss he is from the USA not from a third world country where he has to do drastic things to stay in Canda or any other good country He has no excuse to do such things... So what, they tell him to leave Canada, he leave it and then come back again.... 3
ja123 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Also, Gaeta, in Quebec there is the government organization called the CSST that investigates all workplace accidents. An injured worker would also receive pay while recuperating from the accident. Where does he work? Did the CSST get involved? If not, this is a shady outfit. Like J21 said, if he already knows where to get an arranged marriage, then he's already involved with some shady people as this is illegal. Gaeta, could he be an escaped felon from the U.S. and he doesn't want to return as he could have a court appearance waiting for him? Is he a runaway dad who isn't paying child support? Something is weird about this, Gaeta. Be careful. 2
ja123 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I wonder if he is listed here: AMW | America's Most Wanted with John Walsh FBI ? Be part of the solution. Elizabeth Barrer, shot dead in Lachine, Que., wanted in U.S. - Montreal - CBC News
GemmaUK Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Yikes! I hope you've already walked and won't be turning back.
freetolove Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 paper marriages are what they are. dont' marry him if he's you don't feel strong about him. i doubt he has feelings for the paper marriage person though.
Els Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I would not have anything to do with it, either way. Yes, immigration can be tough on folks, but you shouldn't be putting yourself through any of this (either marrying him to give him residence OR hanging around while he marries someone else to get it) for someone you barely know. Also, what he's thinking of is illegal. Cut your losses and run. 1
Author Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 - he said he couldn't wait to go back to the States - he spent all Saturday doing laundry (only 1 Sat. in 4 that you spent together) - he always likes older women - now he says he'll do a gun-shot arranged marriage to stay in the country The guy's a gigolo. Wake up. You're going to be fleeced, woman! You don't really have that right: 1. No, he spend ONE Saturday doing his laundry 2. He spent yesterday with me so that's 2 Saturday out of 4, I beleive 1 of those Saturday I was the one with a family dinner 3. It's not a crime is it?
Author Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Also Gaeta, is he really here in Canada working legally in the first place? I am wondering now, if this might be part of the reason he didn't want you to go to the hospital with him when he cut his fingers, because then you'd find out he didn't have all the necessary papers and that he has been working here illegally and/or is involved with something shady. . I don't mean to cast aspersions on his character without knowing him, but you really do need to be very prudent. He has been working here for 5 years, for the same company. I met him 2 years ago so I am capable of confirming this myself. It's a big well known company I don't think they would hire him illegally. He pays the same amount of tax on his paycheck as we do except he is not allowed to employees benefits. As for the health care problems, he told me his health coverage here needs to be renewed each year and he didn't do it so that's why he ran into those problems.
GemmaUK Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 3. It's not a crime is it? Marrying someone for a visa is a crime. It's fraud. If you are still with him and he decides to do this you would be an accessory. 2
Author Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Also, Gaeta, in Quebec there is the government organization called the CSST that investigates all workplace accidents. An injured worker would also receive pay while recuperating from the accident. Where does he work? Did the CSST get involved? If not, this is a shady outfit. Like J21 said, if he already knows where to get an arranged marriage, then he's already involved with some shady people as this is illegal. Gaeta, could he be an escaped felon from the U.S. and he doesn't want to return as he could have a court appearance waiting for him? Is he a runaway dad who isn't paying child support? Something is weird about this, Gaeta. Be careful. When the accident happened I was not aware of his situation so I kept telling him to make sure he mentions to the doctor it's a work accident so he gets his CSST papers, and I explained how it work and was very insistent. I went through the whole process with my daughter last year when she broke an arm at work. The only paper the doctor gave him was a something that he was on light work. Of course he did not get his csst paper, his health care was expired. I am not sure I understand how someone can live here illegally and have an apartment to their name, it's nice place, new building, new furniture, he has a fairly new car too, I saw his drivers license, at his house the bills are coming in under his name. Doesn't look like he got here illegally. Maybe now everything is expired but I believe he got here legally.
Author Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Marrying someone for a visa is a crime. It's fraud. If you are still with him and he decides to do this you would be an accessory. I was referring to him preferring older women. Of course I know it's illegal and I told him. I also told him if he does it he will lose me.
Els Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Why do you keep defending him, Gaeta? I'm not saying he's definitely a criminal on the run, but whatever it is, it's something that you know you shouldn't get involved with for your own sake. You speak of having learnt to not accept poor treatment and bad behaviour. What of this? 1
Emilia Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 When the accident happened I was not aware of his situation so I kept telling him to make sure he mentions to the doctor it's a work accident so he gets his CSST papers, and I explained how it work and was very insistent. I went through the whole process with my daughter last year when she broke an arm at work. The only paper the doctor gave him was a something that he was on light work. Of course he did not get his csst paper, his health care was expired. I am not sure I understand how someone can live here illegally and have an apartment to their name, it's nice place, new building, new furniture, he has a fairly new car too, I saw his drivers license, at his house the bills are coming in under his name. Doesn't look like he got here illegally. Maybe now everything is expired but I believe he got here legally. You need to decide what to do.... I don't think marrying him would be a good idea either but I'm not as tough on him as the others because I've seen this happen many times in the UK and I was in this situation once, a long time ago. You don't know him well enough unfortunately. I know you like him but this is too much too soon. I think so anyway. 2
Author Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Why do you keep defending him, Gaeta? I'm not saying he's definitely a criminal on the run, but whatever it is, it's something that you know you shouldn't get involved with for your own sake. You speak of having learnt to not accept poor treatment and bad behaviour. What of this? I am not defending him, I just got online and seeing that some facts aren't straight here. Like I said, if he goes ahead with it I am gone. Although I know deep down I should be gone gone from right now. *sigh*. 2
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