Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 But people..wtf. A few threads ago, a few months ago...i was blasted on here for not taking things slowly with a guy who became my boyfriend, then dumped me. I was told to not be so hardcore. That's what i did here. I was chill and laidback and just enjoyed our time together. Then those damn feelings snuck in. Am i meant to pretend they dont exist? What is the ideal balance between being easy going and insisting on commitment, and then this fwb approach. I am so confused.
GoreSP Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Can you explain what that is please? The 'nice guys' are the ones who are 'so nice, so respectful, the whole package etc etc etc' but never get the girl. The question she asked made me think of that.
GoreSP Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Not possible. Because the nice guy doesn't get the free sex. Thats why she is s 'female version'
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 And you know, back when i was in uni. I was a bitch to guys! I demanded dates, their undivided attention etc and threatened to walk if they didnt. I was sooo stuck up. And they loved me. They gave me everything. Now im like a nice person and this is how i get treated? Men love bitches was right. I need to be a bitch. It feels so wrong but its the only way to get guys these days.
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Its like as soon as i admit im human and have feelings for them, i get dumped. Im so sick of this. I cant walk around like a feelingless robot. I have a life, i have self respect, i just want a fking life partner because im ready for it. Why wont the universe give it to me. everyone else gets one. FML. Other girls act all mushy and clingy and they have bfs. Why cant i do it? what's the problem if i act like that?
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 OMFG i am totally the female version of the 'nice guy.' How do i cure this?/???
StanMusial Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 OMFG i am totally the female version of the 'nice guy.' How do i cure this?/??? No, you are not. You are not going to improve your situation if that is what you think.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 When a man won't be exclusive and commit, all his reasons are white noise. You just listen to the part that he won't commit and move on. When a guy really likes you, nothing in this world will stop him from being exclusive/committing. 3
thecrucible Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The 'nice guys' are the ones who are 'so nice, so respectful, the whole package etc etc etc' but never get the girl. The question she asked made me think of that. So what would a female version of that be like?
writergal Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Go buy this book OP: He's Just Not That Into You. It's an entertaining read with grains of truth about dating behavior for both women and men. He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt | 9780689874741 | Hardcover | Barnes & Noble Oh. And stop choosing to date the players. They never commit. That's why they're players. Never chase a guy. Never give him mixed messages. Always ask a guy for what you want. Always LISTEN to what the guy tells you and then make your decision based on his answer about what you want. 2
kaylan Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 EDIT: nvm...not gonna get too involved in this thread. OP, the dudes been honest with you. Take the sex or leave it. He doesnt owe you anything and isnt doing anything wrong. 2
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 The sad thing. After my long term relationships ended, I started reading the Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, He's Just Not That Into You, etc. Remarkably, they didn't help me find love but instead seemed to have turned me in a pyscho person unable to find love. I can't get a guy to commit for the life of me now!
thecrucible Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The sad thing. After my long term relationships ended, I started reading the Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, He's Just Not That Into You, etc. Remarkably, they didn't help me find love but instead seemed to have turned me in a pyscho person unable to find love. I can't get a guy to commit for the life of me now! Me too! I have the same background. Dating was easier for me when I had a more open heart and didn't analyse as much...like when I was 18 and hadn't had a guy hurt me before It's very difficult to strike the right balance. I'm not as feminine at the core, like when I was younger because experiences have made me cynical and it's harder for me to feel that I'm falling in love, or be the easygoing/fun/innocent girl men seem to crave. Are you similar to me in this regard?
Leigh 87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The sad thing. After my long term relationships ended, I started reading the Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, He's Just Not That Into You, etc. Remarkably, they didn't help me find love but instead seemed to have turned me in a pyscho person unable to find love. I can't get a guy to commit for the life of me now! Your attitude stinks! Plus it is 2014. Women do not NEED a partner to be happy. I met all my partners when I was not looking for love. I felt there was no reason to worry about it, since I am not deformed, I was still young and I had NOTHING to stress about. Stop worrying about " never finding a decent man" There are people with real problems, people who are ill and their lives could end anytime... You are alive, relatively healthy and you have no known deformity... right? Please try to be positive. If you put your mind to it and try really hard, do you think you could learn to love life as it is and not feel desperate for a boyfriend? You may not be "desperate", sorry, but you are "acting" like it by the way you say " oh no, poor me, it seems like no guys want me" Sorry to be harsh, I am sure you have plenty going for you; I am pointing out that the negative self talk is very off putting. The difference after watching those movies/reading those books is you are not open to the men who are not super into you, therefore it probably seems like there are less options. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Me too! I have the same background. Dating was easier for me when I had a more open heart and didn't analyse as much...like when I was 18 and hadn't had a guy hurt me before It's very difficult to strike the right balance. I'm not as feminine at the core, like when I was younger because experiences have made me cynical and it's harder for me to feel that I'm falling in love, or be the easygoing/fun/innocent girl men seem to crave. Are you similar to me in this regard? My bad experiences... having guys disappeared on me, being cheated on, have made me HAPPIER. I now feel way more confident that I can spot a genuine guy who is truly into me.
kaylan Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) The sad thing. After my long term relationships ended, I started reading the Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, He's Just Not That Into You, etc. Remarkably, they didn't help me find love but instead seemed to have turned me in a pyscho person unable to find love. I can't get a guy to commit for the life of me now! So you listen to books that basically teach a woman how to play games, and your wondering why men dont respond positively? I mean, you even lied and told the guy you were seeing other men. What did you think was gonna happen? When a man won't be exclusive and commit, all his reasons are white noise. You just listen to the part that he won't commit and move on. When a guy really likes you, nothing in this world will stop him from being exclusive/committing. I dont necessarily agree with this. I could really like a girl, and think we would make a good couple...but if Im not ready for a commitment, she cant do anything to change my mind. Sometimes people do meet at the wrong time even if a girl or guy is a good potential partner. Edited April 7, 2014 by kaylan 1
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Nah, I used to listen to them but i found out pretty quickly that doesn't work. Its not real if you aren't yourself. Now i just try to be myself, albeit a more toned down, socially acceptable version of it lol. I dont skip my regular hobbies/outings for them until a few weeks in (if necessary to fit each others' schedules). I sleep with them when it feels right (usually third date). The feedback I have recieved from the guys i dated is: you have good communication, you are mature about sex (eg: i will tell them what i want in bed), you are one of the smartest girls i have dated. I guess my biggest downfall is i love to spend time together, so after a few weeks, i let my gaurd down and will hang out for 12 hours on a weekend. This is breaking the rules heaps. Eg: meet up in the morning, go to the beach, have lunch there, come home, watch tv together, go to dinner, lie in bed talking/having sex and leave at midnight. They will usually say its been an amazing day and so much fun blah blah. so we start doing that more often. Once if becomes regular..they lose interest...
FitChick Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I guess my biggest downfall is i love to spend time together, so after a few weeks, i let my gaurd down and will hang out for 12 hours on a weekend. Eg: meet up in the morning, go to the beach, have lunch there, come home, watch tv together, go to dinner, lie in bed talking/having sex and leave at midnight. Once if becomes regular..they lose interest... Cut your dates short then. See them for a day date and then make plans to go out in the evening with girlfriends or vice versa. When you speak on the phone, you be the one to end the call even if you have to set the timer for 20 minutes. Leave them wanting more. Then when they commit, do what you want.
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Makes sense about keeping them short. Good thinking. Call? Hahaaa.. Don't make me laugh. Not a single guy I have dated since my long term boyfriends has called me. Except one, and that's because I was overseas and asked him to ten times before he finally did (via skype). Even then he seemed like it was the worst thing in the world and he got off as soon as possible.
SD1000 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Call? Hahaaa.. Don't make me laugh. Not a single guy I have dated since my long term boyfriends has called me. Except one, and that's because I was overseas and asked him to ten times before he finally did (via skype). Even then he seemed like it was the worst thing in the world and he got off as soon as possible. Something is definitely not right. I suspect that one reason lies in the type of men you are attracted to. For example, in the first post, you describe falling for a 26 year old man who still lives in a frat house and parties like it. Early on, you knew that he slept with several FWBs while dating you. I'm sorry, but what did you expect from him? I suggest you be more patient in selecting men who show interest in you. Find a guy you find attractive who may not be so seasoned in picking up women. The seasoned confident bad boys will be more aggressive in asking you out, but keep an eye out for the special type of man who is considerate and caring, in addition to being physically attractive to you. After you meet such a guy, maybe stop having sex on the 3rd date. When men are willing to wait awhile before having sex, you know that they are interested in a relationship with you. Most of these men will be happy to talk with you on the phone. I do want to be clear that I am not suggesting that you date a man that you think is too nice and boring. Edited April 7, 2014 by SD1000 tried to remove smile face.
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Yeah, i know something isn't right SD. But the guy who i had to ask ten times to call me when i was overseas. He was a good, caring, christian guy who was looking for a potential wife. He messaged me everyday using viber, same as most of these guys i date. They just dont seem keen to talk on the phone. Maybe its the modern day thing...
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Idk. Maybe its being in a minority group. Tends to attract the player types who like enjoyign different types of women...and the losers/less attractive dudes wh can't get nice white girls. I never have had a nice looking, attractive guy who wants a serious relationship, interested in me.
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Didn't say anything about using or psychopaths. Also, nice guys are used on a daily basis but I don't see you defending them. Hypocrite. Bile is best kept in the liver Yea, well... you won't see me giving high fives to any woman who uses a guy either. You don't see me defending them?? Genuinely nice guys?? BS. I've said on more than one thread that I wish guys would stop paying for dates. I guess you overlooked those. Guess you also overlooked the threads where I said that using, lying, men (like the guy on this thread) make it tougher for the so-called 'nice' guys to have some healthy sex too with someone they like. You and guys like you are your own worst enemy. Go after the users and liars of either gender. That would be a start. Edited April 7, 2014 by RedRobin
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) OP, your biggest issue is internalizing why these guys don't want to commit. I agree with the other poster... when you stop making it about YOU, and realize it has just as much to do with THEM... you will have no problems walking away from guys who are on the fence about you in any way. Trust me... I do it on a regular basis now. ... and about the calling thing... I'm a lot older than you. If a guy tries to text me first instead of calling, I ignore it. I ignore him until he calls me. If he can't be bothered to call me, then I can't be bothered to date him. In fact, I almost never go in for texts early on at all. I have to know him for awhile before I go in for that... and even when I do, it is very brief. FYI... texting is for players and guys who are stringing along lots of women simultaneously. Make the other girls settle for texts. Don't you ever settle for it. Edited: I misspoke above when I said this guy was a liar. He told you he wasn't exclusive and you continued. Stop doing that. Don't be ashamed to want what you want and walk if you aren't getting it. Edited April 7, 2014 by RedRobin 4
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