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Hes not ready to be exclusive, but has good reasons. What do i do?

madgirl1991

By madgirl1991
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veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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I can't believe you keep sleeping with him knowing he is sleeping with god knows how many other girls. That's so gross. He will never committ, why would he? he has the best of all worlds right now! And I bet you are exclusive to him, not fking a bunch of other guys? Just be sure he wears a condom everytime and if you are getting attached RUNNNN cause it's NOT gonna be anything more than sex and fun.

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Els Established Member

Els

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Okay. Screw it, I'm out.

 

If he ever txts me again, i'll send him this message, albeit a less intense version, recommended by Evan Marc Katz.

 

“I really, really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together. But as amazing as I think you are, I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend ****-buddy. I want a boyfriend. And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not hurt or offended, but I need to find someone who wants a relationship. Good luck in your search.”

 

Sounds good. :)

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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I would make up a plan for how you will respond (if at all) when he responds to that planned text. He will certainly argue that he is just taking things slow and he likes you sooo much. Then what?

mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

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Just be sure he wears a condom everytime and if you are getting attached RUNNNN cause it's NOT gonna be anything more than sex and fun.

 

But that's what she told him she wanted! :rolleyes:

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Well just as he messaged me asking how my day was, I messaged him telling him its not working for me hope it works out with the other girls. I told him id spoken to multiple male friends and they had all agreed its just wrong to take a girl on dates and treat him gfish like hebtreats me, then sleep with other girls.

 

He replied that whatever he is, I am the female equivalent. My actions showed I was cool with him sleeping around, because I was doing the same. I guess he doesnt understand the difference between sex for sex, vs dating and sexing multiple people. But he haf a good point, I agreed and told him I will think about that before the next guy.

 

We agreed to stay in touch. That was that.

 

I feel better. No use continuing with a guy who wont give me the commitment I deserve. For the record, I didnt sleep with or date anyone I just told him I was to see how he reacted.

 

 

Next guy, I need to ensure my actions and words align. If I want commitment and to be taken seriously I need to not sleep with, see, or pretend to do any of these thigs, with another guy.

 

Im sad. But feel good I showed some self respect.

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Argh, i feel like running back to him. I guess a part of me thought he might say, ok you're right. I want just you and then offer commitment. But he said, that's fine, let me know if you want to stay friends no strings attached. I had fun with you etc.

 

SIGH. THis is ****. I feel like i am zero value. How can he just not care that he might not even see me again. After holding hands and acting all coupley. I dont understand.....this is very distressing. Im so replaceable. He doesnt care about me. No one ever does...

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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Argh, i feel like running back to him. I guess a part of me thought he might say, ok you're right. I want just you and then offer commitment. But he said, that's fine, let me know if you want to stay friends no strings attached. I had fun with you etc.

 

SIGH. THis is ****. I feel like i am zero value. How can he just not care that he might not even see me again. After holding hands and acting all coupley. I dont understand.....this is very distressing. Im so replaceable. He doesnt care about me. No one ever does...

 

Hands in the air. Step away from the phone.

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Too late people. I spam texted him with all these questions like when did you decide i was just like the other girls, how do you not have feeligns blah blah blah. Can i come over and talk tonight, i have to many questions for you etc.

 

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN BE SO CALLOUS. AM I NOT SPECIAL?

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Well its already started. I said i wanna come over and talk. He said he's busy for awhile. I asked when he is free. He said maybe later this week.

 

See he already doesnt give a fk about me.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Why do you want to keep in touch with him?

Do you want his acceptance simply because he isn't giving it? I think so. He was full of s.hit and lines all along..."oh the other girls are just sex, you are for dating" bulls.hit. You realize he was likely saying that to all of them as well, yes?

 

A guy who thinks you are special will treat you as such FROM THE BEGINNING. You don't have to convince him to.

 

Please stop texting him. Think about him laughing and showing his friends or roommates the texts from the crazy chick he rejected. Keep your dignity. What is there to meet up about? YOU also told him you didn't want to be exclusive (though I think that was a ploy to make yourself appear relaxed and cool and hard to get and easy going......) so you can't really blame him for treating you as casual. Next time be more up front. and FFS if you find used condoms in a guys trash, MOVE ON immediately! I think your self-worth has to be quite low, you were attracted to the "I will change him!" thing, and that never works and is very indicative of how you REQUIRE someone else to make you feel good.

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lino Established Member

lino

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Struggling nice guys should read this topic over, and over and over again.

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Struggling nice guys should read this topic over, and over and over again.

 

 

... by all means... struggling 'nice' guys should learn how to spot mixed up, insecure girls in a crowd and use them for whatever they are worth.

 

 

Can always count on you to chime in on the 'future psychopaths of the world' mentoring pitch.

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GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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They always have good reasons, don't they?

lino Established Member

lino

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Didn't say anything about using or psychopaths.

 

Also, nice guys are used on a daily basis but I don't see you defending them. Hypocrite.

 

Bile is best kept in the liver ;)

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lino Established Member

lino

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Also, there's nothing mixed up or insecure here.

 

Women like this would have no problem rejecting men that will treat them like gold.

They know exactly what they're doing.

insecurity is used as a Piss weak excuse for poor decision making.

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Okay. Deleted his number. That will stop me spamming and allow me to get over him.

 

Why do guys always go from seeing me as 'amazing,' 'the whole package' and 'different from other girls.' We date, sometimes have sex (depending on the guy) and things are great. And I start to ask where its going and they either commit but dont act like they are that keen, or they refuse to commit and start seeing other girls more.

 

I just dont get it. Why am i doing wrong that I become non-special? What are other girls doing that they remain amazing and worthy of gf material?

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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Like ****, I dont think im hard to like. I dont make them spend heaps on me, im quite happy with maccas and a video at home. I drive us around if they dont have cars (most of the guys i date dont have cars cuz they are still in uni and poor, or they live inner city). I dont make them hang out with my friends or go shopping. I dont ramble about my personal life and problems. I keep things light and fun. Wtf is wrong with me.

confidencestands Member

confidencestands

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What are other girls doing that they remain amazing and worthy of gf material?

 

1.) Get confidence in themselves.

 

2.) Don't sleep with them on the first date.

 

3.) Don't put all their energy into thinking why he doesn't like them, etc. Of course, uncertainty slips into any relationship but if they are this caught up after a few times of seeing him and then sleeping with him learn from this for the next time.

 

4.) Get busy living their own life. You are obsessing waaaaaay too much on someone who has slipped you in the "I'll call ya when I'm horny" category.

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madgirl1991 Established Member

madgirl1991

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My male friend told me its the kinds of guys i go for. I've dated nice church going guys, and badass player types like this. I always get the same result despite the diverse pool i've dated. So it must be me! And its not like every good looking, outgoing, smart guy is a fking player. That's all i want. Gosh. Why do i keep pickign wrong??

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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Too late people. I spam texted him with all these questions like when did you decide i was just like the other girls, how do you not have feeligns blah blah blah. Can i come over and talk tonight, i have to many questions for you etc.

 

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN BE SO CALLOUS. AM I NOT SPECIAL?

 

Chill out.

 

You'll find another JUST LIKE HIM in no time.

confidencestands Member

confidencestands

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I don't think it's a case of broken picker here but more so making impulsive and rash decisions without valuing yourself.

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GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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Okay. Deleted his number. That will stop me spamming and allow me to get over him.

 

Why do guys always go from seeing me as 'amazing,' 'the whole package' and 'different from other girls.' We date, sometimes have sex (depending on the guy) and things are great. And I start to ask where its going and they either commit but dont act like they are that keen, or they refuse to commit and start seeing other girls more.

 

I just dont get it. Why am i doing wrong that I become non-special? What are other girls doing that they remain amazing and worthy of gf material?

 

Because you are the female version of the 'nice guys'.

;)

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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Because you are the female version of the 'nice guys'.

;)

 

Not possible. Because the nice guy doesn't get the free sex.

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Because you are the female version of the 'nice guys'.

;)

 

Can you explain what that is please?

Els Established Member

Els

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Like ****, I dont think im hard to like. I dont make them spend heaps on me, im quite happy with maccas and a video at home. I drive us around if they dont have cars (most of the guys i date dont have cars cuz they are still in uni and poor, or they live inner city). I dont make them hang out with my friends or go shopping. I dont ramble about my personal life and problems. I keep things light and fun. Wtf is wrong with me.

 

Because being a doormat is not attractive. Because you cling on to guys who have already told you they don't want a R. Because you spam texted the last guy trying to convince him to stay and be your boyfriend! That is all incredibly unattractive.

 

Have the confidence to stand up for yourself and go for what you truly want. Stop letting people walk all over you and agreeing to FWBs when you really want a R and pleading for your FWB to stay.

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