jaguar Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am Indian and I have recently relocated to Europe. I am disappointed with stereotypes about Indians. They smell, they are disrespectful to women, whatever. Ok, they smell - I don't even eat curry nowadays so I don't really think about this much now. But the other one. Hell, I grew up in a town where even touching a woman is a big deal. I have never touched a woman if she is not a lover or something. And here I have to face these stereotypes even though I have never touched a woman or said anything sexual to women. I feel so disappointed, it is like I have never even experienced anything in life but somehow according to my stereotypes I am a guy who is sexually forward and so on. I wish I was sexually forward, I would get a lot more attention that way. But I just wasn't brought up that way. I was just brought up to be at a distance with other women. I don't really hug women, we were not supposed to. Now I am not able to generate any sort of chemistry with women since I can't really act physical with them, I am too shy. It is disappointing my stereotypes have to act against me.
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) It's cultural, obviously. I knew Indian Americans who were very AMERICAN and western in ideology, philosophy and mannerism and they dated with success. They were some good looking people (both women and men), but they were not hampered by an cultural upbringing that most westerners would and do find unappealing. My gf had a date with an Indian guy once and knew from the end of the date that there was no way she'd be involved with such a man. He was mostly traditional though he had spent a considerable number of years in the USA. She didn't like the idea of having to walking paces behind her mate, discouraged to be a professional woman and ultimately, dating a man who comes from a culture that views women as second-class or subservient. You have some work to do OP. Unfortunately, other Indians who have come before you have maintained stereo-types and traditions that western women do not appreciate. Your fear or discomfort with/of affection, lack of confidence in yourself will certainly and do go against you. I also wonder if the tradition of arranged marriages doesn't also play a big part in men having the skills to develop their confidence and wooing abilities. No need to be affectionate, romantic if your partner is arranged for you. No offense, but your cultural background will be much to overcome. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Perception, unfortunately, often plays a much larger part than reality, so you need to redefine yourself or date other SE Asian women in the community. Good luck. Edited April 5, 2014 by soccerrprp 2
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I thought your parents are responsible for setting you up with women who could potentially be your wife? It would certainly take away all the work you would have to do.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am Indian and I have recently relocated to Europe. I am disappointed with stereotypes about Indians. They smell, they are disrespectful to women, whatever. Ok, they smell - I don't even eat curry nowadays so I don't really think about this much now. But the other one. Hell, I grew up in a town where even touching a woman is a big deal. I have never touched a woman if she is not a lover or something. And here I have to face these stereotypes even though I have never touched a woman or said anything sexual to women. I feel so disappointed, it is like I have never even experienced anything in life but somehow according to my stereotypes I am a guy who is sexually forward and so on. I wish I was sexually forward, I would get a lot more attention that way. But I just wasn't brought up that way. I was just brought up to be at a distance with other women. I don't really hug women, we were not supposed to. Now I am not able to generate any sort of chemistry with women since I can't really act physical with them, I am too shy. It is disappointing my stereotypes have to act against me. And BTW it's your lack of positive attitude and confidence that has put you in this situation, and not people stereotyping Indians. Stop being so insecure about yourself and then things will change. As they say a poor musician blames his instrument.
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Well, it sucks to be in your place. I don't have this idea of Indians as an abusers to women About the smell, well not a lot..... Here in Virginia there are a lot of Indians.. Some are nice and some are not..Like any other type of people... I think Europe is not so welcoming to non-white people..... They let them live there alright, but never really accept them. If people are racist toward you, it's not your fault. It's because they have issues inside their heart that won't be fixed and you are better off without them. You will find nice people who are not racist or non judgmental. Just wait and see .......Meanwhile, try not to think so much about this attitude and enjoy the food and the scenery .....
GemmaUK Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I think you will just have to live on your own merits. Many Indians in the UK do. The problem is that many Indian men in the UK have a view that white women are easy and those who think this appear to think it about all white women. Many of them stare - a lot - far beyond what feels comfortable and safe for a woman to be on the receiving end of. I have walked down the street and literally been grabbed by Indian men. This actually almost happened about month ago on a cold winter morning while I was walking to work. The guy had stopped and was staring at me. I glanced his way and shouldn't have as he reched out and went for me. He was in his 60's I would say and I managed to sneak past his outstretched arm. He followed me for a while but couldn't keep up with me. I worked for a company which moved all it's processes to Chennai, we were being made redundant but had to train them up. My male boss had no problems but when I was trying to train the guy who was taking over my role he wouldn't pay any attention and would open his laptop and look at photos and emails from his friends while I was training him. I had no idea what to do to get him to listen and we were getting close to our deadline. I contacted one of my old bosses who is also a good friend of mine (he happens to be Indian). He was appalled but said that if I had the nerve to try something he knew it would work. The suggestion was to wear a low cut top and flirt. I told my boss and decided to try it for one day only. It worked. My boss had a word with the guy the next day explaining that he had to start paying attention and was being disrespectful. He did from that day onwards. My Indian friend is a great guy, I've known him 20 years. He is always kind and respectful. He was hoping to meet a white girl back in his twenties but it didn't happen for him so he ended up choosing an arranged marriage. I have to admit that the incidence of white women dating Indian men is really pretty low in the UK but it does happen. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this, don't follow the herd, stick by your morals and show respect and you'll find your own way.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 If you want to know who smells... Gurkhas smell!!! They make a mean curry but being around them and living in a house after they've left is almost intolerable. The British army actually fumigate the houses afterwards! Op - I know an Indian man, just 1 and he is very much like you. Even though he is in the British army so was his dad (his mother is Indian too) he can't seem to date because of the same reasons. So you definitely aren't alone in this. What the other posters have told you is what I told him, he's trying but he struggles. Maybe you could date an Indian woman in Europe and that would help you because she would know why you struggle!
PogoStick Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 It's a stereotype that I'm more likely to be robbed or assaulted when walking around inner city Chicago alone at night. That belief is also going to keep me safe because I'm not going to risk it. Stereotypes tend to have some truth or else they would go away. There are lots of Indians working for a defense company in my city. People often confirm those stereotypes based upon their personal experiences. Although you may not fit that mold, people are justifiably cautious. It's up to you to prove yourself different. Indians who went to college outside of the US seem to have a more difficult time blending in. It seems the ones who do best are younger and went to college here. I've met some charismatic Indians from the company who are quite successful in socializing. 1
Author jaguar Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 If you want to know who smells... Gurkhas smell!!! They make a mean curry but being around them and living in a house after they've left is almost intolerable. The British army actually fumigate the houses afterwards! Op - I know an Indian man, just 1 and he is very much like you. Even though he is in the British army so was his dad (his mother is Indian too) he can't seem to date because of the same reasons. So you definitely aren't alone in this. What the other posters have told you is what I told him, he's trying but he struggles. Maybe you could date an Indian woman in Europe and that would help you because she would know why you struggle! I don't think Indian women are the way to go. At least with white women, I feel more confident with them than Indian women. Seeing Indian women reminds me more of my insecurities. If you ask me honestly, my best bet is with white women, not with other races. I have had some attraction only with white women, not with other races.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I don't think Indian women are the way to go. At least with white women, I feel more confident with them than Indian women. Seeing Indian women reminds me more of my insecurities. If you ask me honestly, my best bet is with white women, not with other races. I have had some attraction only with white women, not with other races. I simply said Indian women because they would understand - that was literally the only reason. However I don't think it matters who you date, hopefully dating will give you more confidence to date in general
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I don't think Indian women are the way to go. At least with white women, I feel more confident with them than Indian women. Seeing Indian women reminds me more of my insecurities. If you ask me honestly, my best bet is with white women, not with other races. I have had some attraction only with white women, not with other races. Yikes, why? What insecurities do Indian women drudge up for you that more progressive, open-minded, sexually liberated western women wouldn't? And why only white?
Author jaguar Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Yikes, why? What insecurities do Indian women drudge up for you that more progressive, open-minded, sexually liberated western women wouldn't? And why only white? Well with white women, I have had some responses. I have been at various points where white women were genuinely interested in me. I just was too pussy to make the move. I know some guys who were even laughing at me at a club since they saw that the girl was all over me but I was standing there without a clue of what to do. I have never had such experiences with Indian girls.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Well with white women, I have had some responses. I have been at various points where white women were genuinely interested in me. I just was too pussy to make the move. I know some guys who were even laughing at me at a club since they saw that the girl was all over me but I was standing there without a clue of what to do. I have never had such experiences with Indian girls. Do you think it's b/c Indian women know what they are or will be getting into? Indian women who are in the UK, in the west now. They feel this new western freedom and don't want to get involved with another Indian man who may not be as progressive. Or do you shun them more?
Els Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 so you need to redefine yourself or date other SE Asian women in the community India isn't in SE Asia... That being said, OP... yeah, stereotypes suck. They aren't just limited to Indians, either. White folks are stereotyped equally much in Asian cultures/communities. It's just one of the downsides of being in the cultural/racial minority. I've been subject to it all my life, so I know how it feels. The silver lining, though, is that for most reasonable people, they are able to overcome a stereotype of you once you get to know them and prove that you are not what they think you are. So, focus on getting to know people and letting your personality shine through.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 India isn't in SE Asia... Sorry, South Central Asia.
hasaquestion Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Well with white women, I have had some responses. I have been at various points where white women were genuinely interested in me. I just was too pussy to make the move. I know some guys who were even laughing at me at a club since they saw that the girl was all over me but I was standing there without a clue of what to do. I have never had such experiences with Indian girls. Maybe this is the real problem here? 1
Author jaguar Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Maybe this is the real problem here? I don't know, I am not that good a dancer or anything, and she definitely wanted that. She also wanted to be more forward with her, but I am not used to being so forward at all. There was another instance in which there was a girl in my class with whom I went to a club. She was starting to grind on me and I didn't really do anything and she looked at me like "What the hell is wrong with you, why don't you do anything" kind of look. I was so embarrassed. I wish I had more guts to do these things. Do you think it's b/c Indian women know what they are or will be getting into? Indian women who are in the UK, in the west now. They feel this new western freedom and don't want to get involved with another Indian man who may not be as progressive. Or do you shun them more? I am not sure. If you ask me honestly, I would still want to be with a white woman. I don't see many Indian women here and given a choice, I would choose the white woman.
zebracolors Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You'll encounter people who still generalize a culture in your life, but just shrug it off, and try to met people who aren't so ignorant about other cultures. For example, this weekend I went to a Holi festival locally and there are lots of people from many cultures, all just there for fun and embracing the tradition of Holi. Are you more comfortable dating outside your culture, because the women you've encountered(not just white women) tend to be more open than Indian women? I don't let those stereotypes deter me from dating Indian men, I still quite like the culture(and don't mind when they eat with their hands:)). IME with dating Indian men, as a white woman, (and I know this is really situational) I've found most are already pretty sure that that their parents would never go for idea of their son being in a serious relationship with a woman like me. And I know for a lot of Indian men, its very important to honor the parent's wishes, which I think is an admirable trait. So I know it would depend on how open minded his parents are.
Frogwife Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You'll encounter people who still generalize a culture in your life, but just shrug it off, and try to met people who aren't so ignorant about other cultures. For example, this weekend I went to a Holi festival locally and there are lots of people from many cultures, all just there for fun and embracing the tradition of Holi. Are you more comfortable dating outside your culture, because the women you've encountered(not just white women) tend to be more open than Indian women? I don't let those stereotypes deter me from dating Indian men, I still quite like the culture(and don't mind when they eat with their hands:)). IME with dating Indian men, as a white woman, (and I know this is really situational) I've found most are already pretty sure that that their parents would never go for idea of their son being in a serious relationship with a woman like me. And I know for a lot of Indian men, its very important to honor the parent's wishes, which I think is an admirable trait. So I know it would depend on how open minded his parents are. I agree with Zebracolors - as frustrating as the stereotypes are, you just have to shrug them off and find people who don't care. My boyfriend is Iranian - he's "lucky" in a way, in that he has nearly white skin (lighter than a lot of French people) and blue/green eyes - so there is not an immediate stereotyping. But when I started telling my friends and family about my new boyfriends - I was like "Oh, he's a professor, sexy, smart, funny, etc etc" they were like "Yea!" and then when I added "and he's Iranian" - across the board people were like "Oh, watch out!" "Have you seen 'Not Without My Daughter'?" "I had a friend who dated a guy from (insert any middle eastern/North African country) and he was so controlling!!" "Don't go to Iran with him" (which I did do for three weeks and we had a blast) and just blah blah blah. Over the last year, it became my mission to just educate people and try to bust stereotypes one at a time and really speak up to any gross inaccuracies that came my way... sometimes people really don't know because they get their information from TV programs or the media. Do shrug it off and be yourself. People worth knowing - and who know and see you as you really are - won't give a flip.
Author jaguar Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 You'll encounter people who still generalize a culture in your life, but just shrug it off, and try to met people who aren't so ignorant about other cultures. For example, this weekend I went to a Holi festival locally and there are lots of people from many cultures, all just there for fun and embracing the tradition of Holi. Are you more comfortable dating outside your culture, because the women you've encountered(not just white women) tend to be more open than Indian women? I don't let those stereotypes deter me from dating Indian men, I still quite like the culture(and don't mind when they eat with their hands:)). IME with dating Indian men, as a white woman, (and I know this is really situational) I've found most are already pretty sure that that their parents would never go for idea of their son being in a serious relationship with a woman like me. And I know for a lot of Indian men, its very important to honor the parent's wishes, which I think is an admirable trait. So I know it would depend on how open minded his parents are. About this, it is funny but I actually come from a community where we are very modern and stuff. In my family it is always a mix. One of my cousins is married to a French guy and another is married to a Romanian girl and so on. There is not that pressure because we are not a highly family oriented culture actually. People just mind their own business. That's why it sucks when I am compared to guys from other parts of the country. Hell, I can't even relate to all that. I grew up in a different kind of culture.
zebracolors Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I can see how it might seem difficult to find companionship when it seems that anyone is just going to generalize, thinking all people from India are basically the same, and as such I didn't mean to presume it was the same for you:o my apologies. I hope some responses here help you to not worry so much about what women might presume about you. About this, it is funny but I actually come from a community where we are very modern and stuff. In my family it is always a mix. One of my cousins is married to a French guy and another is married to a Romanian girl and so on. There is not that pressure because we are not a highly family oriented culture actually. People just mind their own business. That's why it sucks when I am compared to guys from other parts of the country. Hell, I can't even relate to all that. I grew up in a different kind of culture. My apologies I didn't intend to steer the topic in another direction. I have heard from people I've talked to from India, who have been living in the US a number of years. They have been telling more generations are becoming more open minded, which I think is great.
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Like I mentioned earlier....you only can blame yourself for your lack of success....you are totally being a lame ass for putting the blame on being "stereotyped". You are being delusional coming with such an excuse. It's your lack of confidence, and for the majority of women confidence is what attracts them. This is what you need to over come in order to get what you want. What else that is playing against you is that a large portion of the world's population prefer to date within their race. It's a CHOICE, and by no means racist or because of stereotyping. It is what it is.
Biscous Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 You simply have to do things that break the mold of those stereotypes people believe...or surround yourself with more positive people. Life isn't fair and you will be prejudged by people. Just take solace in the fact that you cannot change these thoughts of most of these people and just become the best version of you that you can become. I do know a bit about overcoming stereotypes. I'm black. People will pre judge me, but many people have opened up to me and I am thankful to have friends of different races. Like I mentioned earlier....you only can blame yourself for your lack of success....you are totally being a lame ass for putting the blame on being "stereotyped". You are being delusional coming with such an excuse. It's your lack of confidence, and for the majority of women confidence is what attracts them. This is what you need to over come in order to get what you want. What else that is playing against you is that a large portion of the world's population prefer to date within their race. It's a CHOICE, and by no means racist or because of stereotyping. It is what it is. It's unfortunate that he's in a region (Europe) where there are few Indians, and for whatever reason he may be attracted to women outside his race.
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 It's unfortunate that he's in a region (Europe) where there are few Indians, and for whatever reason he may be attracted to women outside his race. Except for England. Huge Indian population there. The majority of Indians I know are from England.
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