ebt100 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I was the one who broke off the relationship. It had turned into misery; I felt like a piece of furniture. Then she got picky as hell about my habits and lifestyle, making little snide remarks ad nauseum. And she thought because she made more money than me that she was an authority on everything in life. And she comes from a family culture where the men literally "sit there" like statues and contribute nothing, while the women sit in thrones. And then, she has no interest in a two-way sexual relationship. And she is not forgiving. She also never would admit she was wrong or apologize about anything. She had no self awareness. And she really never showed an interest in my life. I was clearly filling in a "space" in HER life, and seemed to just serve her a practical purpose. And she broadcast my personal flaws to her social circle and tried to have them meet me and tell me how to treat a lady... WTF? All of this drove me to anger, which she turned around and harped on every day. She treated me like I was a terrible person. And she got her family to hate me, and she not her family appreciated any of the good things about me, and only focused on the bad. And yet, I thought I was in love and still liked coming home to her, and she made me smile, and I was never bored with her or, like, dissatisfied. In retrospect, considering my lonely feeling now, I question whether she was better than nothing. Was it a good idea to break it off? You have to understand, me and her have "beta" status in romance, maybe even "gamma"
maestrok Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'd say nothing is better than her because she obviously comes with costs. Don't go crawling back to her right now just because you are lonely at this moment if she will make you forever lonely..
Author ebt100 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 So, my ex-girlfriend and I physically separated six weeks ago after I moved out. We had an argument, she pushed me into the kitchen oven, and I knew I had to leave. Anyhow, things weren't "official" with the full-on Facebook defriending and blocking my cell phone number, and saying "I'm done" until a couple days ago. She was indecisive, and strung things along, through which she got ample reinforcement, compliments, and more chances to assault my character. Through this, it feels like I've been rejected about four times instead of once. Anyhow, I'm just curious if people ever change their mind after they make clear statements like "I'm done" or it's over, even years later. ... Does time actually do anything to people's perception of relationships? I'm well aware I need to move on, and actually feel better somewhat about the cut ties (don't need to worry about wanting to check her Facebook page, etc). This experience has just piqued my curiosity if after full-blown breakups if people ever reconnect?
loveandwar Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 yes it happens, but it can take a very long time, and if your asking this then you may be still looking to reconcile. Best advice is to move on, and if they do eventually contact you can decide at that point what your decision will be. I have a feeling my story may be quite similar to yours in the protracted break up area. I definitely got rejected more than once even though we only broke up once, its slightly annoying
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Generally speaking, IME: Women are typically less likely to make a rash decision. By the time they tell you they're done, they have already received the necessary support, processed and grieved the end of the RS. Men are more likely to make a rash decision in the heat of the moment and regret it later. And possibly try to undo what they have done once they think it through... 1
Author ebt100 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Well, thanks for the replies. I'm gonna try to move on. If I'm not moved on in six months I'll send snail-mail or something. Actually I probably won't. The last relationship before this I realized at 2 PM in a random day that I had moved on. Regrettably, I've determined in talking with people I actually loved this person. I am feeling the loss of a future with this person that felt great. This breakup was especially painful, because while I initiated it, the underlying blame is on me.
thysecret Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Run. I know it's hard but that's what you gonna do because she is the devil!!! I believe you will meet someone WAY BETTER than her. someone on your "level" and treats you with respect. Loneliness is one of the reason we crawl back to a ex even when we know it's wrong. Move on dude, i know you deserve better. Wish my guy was as nice as you! Well, if you go back, it will just be another same cycle which leads back to you being miserable. So as hard as it is, please do try to move on! Good luck!!
thysecret Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Generally speaking, IME: Women are typically less likely to make a rash decision. By the time they tell you they're done, they have already received the necessary support, processed and grieved the end of the RS. Men are more likely to make a rash decision in the heat of the moment and regret it later. And possibly try to undo what they have done once they think it through... Its kinda true! When i was the dumper, i decided it was OVER and i left. We were on-off and he keeps cheating on me and was really abusive & almost hit me. And i just walk away, he beg me back after sometime BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. I remember him telling me to F off from his life when i initiate the breakup. He was so sure i am coming back (like i always do). But now after 3 years, we are still friends. But as for the men, my recent ex left me after thinking about it for few months. He don't seems to regret & he is interested in someone new now... so i guess same goes for guys. He lost all feelings for me
Author ebt100 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Well "no contact" is almost forced now; it will practically be easier with the severing of online connection, etc. We still go to the same gym but don't go the same time of day. I shall see what NC brings, looking at it from either perspective. Just yesterday I had had enough of the degrading and dehumanization from this person, and I told her so. Even given my attached feeling and difficulty moving on, I can only take so much. What the post-breakup conversations have done is just add fuel to the fire of this person's castigation of my character. She is too proud and stubborn/stodgy to admit to sadness about this, but her Facebook posts the days after my unannounced departure were dripping with sorrow. Then came the posts about "fate" and possibly regretting the breakup. And so, I'm waiting for the day I wake up and realize it is a good thing this is over. 80% of my inability to cope is feeling like I failed this.
Author ebt100 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Yesterday, I actually had to stop myself from sending a fiery email to this person. Her insolent attitude and sum total of condescending castigation had gotten to me. I guess there is no cure for bitter, arrogant, intolerant, unforgiving people. I read somewhere that breakups involve a grieving process like loss of loved ones. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Really didn't feel number 2 till yesterday. Number 1 is over. I took number 3 way too far. Number 4 is there, and has been. Oh well, my presence on this forum clearly shows I am no where near "letting go" of this.
Elle1975 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yesterday, I actually had to stop myself from sending a fiery email to this person. Her insolent attitude and sum total of condescending castigation had gotten to me. I guess there is no cure for bitter, arrogant, intolerant, unforgiving people. I read somewhere that breakups involve a grieving process like loss of loved ones. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Really didn't feel number 2 till yesterday. Number 1 is over. I took number 3 way too far. Number 4 is there, and has been. Oh well, my presence on this forum clearly shows I am no where near "letting go" of this. Your relationship wasn't healthy, at all. You did good by walking away, however you should have stayed NC. You know that now.
FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Thats actually rather good, although 3 was probably 1 for me I wish I could fast forward to 5 though
Itspointless Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Thats actually rather good, although 3 was probably 1 for me I wish I could fast forward to 5 though Hate to break it to you guys, these stages are not linear. You will be alternating between them for the coming time. 4
Author ebt100 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Unbelievable... I just came across her on another dating site, and it set me back to the beginning. So much for blocking this person out... I actually went on two dates (two different people) since the BU. It didn't do me any good. And I can't start the "NC" thing till I get the last of my stuff out of her house. FKNA
Author ebt100 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Update: Depending on how you look at it, I'm one month into NC, or just three days. What counts as "contact"??? Like, if it is totally non-romantic, non-social, does that "count"?
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I'm not sure why you would want her back unless you are submissive, then I get it, nothing wrong with that, I am too. If you aren't though, I think you need to let her go, she sounds abusive.
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