cruepain Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 i think im to nice of a guy. i always treat women with respect and it bites me in the ass women always complain about their boyfriend being an ******* or not paying enough attention, but when they get with a guy who is nice to them and pays attention it's to much and a turn off i just don't get it. I wouldn't classify myself as alpha or beta really. I'm sort of both? I mean I do beta and alpha things and I just do not get it what the hell do women want
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 how old are you? the age of the girls you date? I see this happening a lot less with women in their 30s+. 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 how old are you? the age of the girls you date? I see this happening a lot less with women in their 30s+. Yea spot on.. the younger ones go for the bad ones but as u get older u tire of it & avoid them for the nicer ones x
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 im in mid 20's.... Not always, but much more common in your age group....still figuring out what you want, not ready to settle down, still in school, still in the party mode, etc. It's an immature time for many 20-somethings, but there are those who are mature enough to commit. I don't miss my 20s. 3
kodakgirl Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 "Women" probably want as many different things as there are women... If the women you are going after don't like that you are are nice, respectful guy (assuming you genuinely are, not an entitled "nice guy"), they are not the right women for you. Period. I'm 26 and all the women I know in relationships are with really nice guys who respect them, and are very happy about it. My ex was the nicest guy you'd ever meet, no "edge" at all (I don't think he even knew how to flirt) and women just fell at his feet without him even trying!! (he was only slightly better than average-looking, too, and kind of scrawny-- it was the niceness that did it). Either your self-perception is off or you are going after the wrong types. 2
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 It's a balance of push and pull (push and pull method). If you make it too easy for them to get your attention you take away the challenge, and challenge is what attracts them. You reward them with small increments of attention then you pull back and be aloof. Everyone thinks you have to be a jerk, no most of them are not being jerks, they are just not making these girls the center of their universe. The young ones yes seem to be clingy for attention, but as they get older that wears off and become less dependent. They are just insecure at that age, where they feel if they don't have their text answered right away they feel unloved or unwanted, insecurity sets in....stupid ya I know. It's human nature to desire more what you can't have, so using this as a tool is key. Be more desirable, by being less available. Guys that are in the friends zone make the mistake of giving everything to these girls thinking that is the way to have them liked....far fro it. You look weak, creepy, and needy.....it's a big turn off. 3
OhThatGirl Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You misunderstanding things entirely. Girls DO want a nice guy. A nice guy that sets firm limits, doesn't make that girl the only positive thing in his life, who is able to maintain interests of his own, who is confident in who he is, what he has to offer, getting what he wants. A guy that is able to maintain a personality of his own. That compliments her but doesn't become her. That has goals of his own that he is working towards. That finds a woman that he enjoys, not that he NEEDS. A man that uses the correct form of "too," capitalizes and uses punctuation. A guy that makes a girl feel just a tiny bit out of her comfort zone. A guy that is able to see her flaws and understands them, doesn't ignore them or imagine she doesn't have any. A guy that isn't so wimpy he's complaining that all the bad guys get the girl. In reality, the guys who can accomplish everything I've listed get the girl. The other guys would rather assume it's because they are "nice" that women don't want them. It's so so so much more. Come on now. Shape up. In your mid 20s you should have an idea that this nice guy stuff is complete BS. 11
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Women fell at his feet not because or his "niceness" but his aloofness by not giving these girls attention ie:flirting.
Happyinlife222 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 My son has the same problem, but he goes for the bad girls. I've told him to stop going out with that type, and after a few bad experience, he's finally learning. When I was your age I was asking the same question-what are men looking for? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? In reality I just hadn't met the right person and I've had a few really great boyfriends in my life. I would rather be patient and wait for the right person,then kiss a bunch of frogs and have a lot of heartaches.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I agree with the other posters about the "self entitled" nice guy, that sits there and complains about those "jerks" that get the girls that don't deserve it blah blah blah. Those guys are the true "jerks"...they are in truth, not very nice guys....they are guys with sh it attitudes.
pickflicker Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You misunderstanding things entirely. Girls DO want a nice guy. A nice guy that sets firm limits, doesn't make that girl the only positive thing in his life, who is able to maintain interests of his own, who is confident in who he is, what he has to offer, getting what he wants. A guy that is able to maintain a personality of his own. That compliments her but doesn't become her. That has goals of his own that he is working towards. That finds a woman that he enjoys, not that he NEEDS. A man that uses the correct form of "too," capitalizes and uses punctuation. A guy that makes a girl feel just a tiny bit out of her comfort zone. A guy that is able to see her flaws and understands them, doesn't ignore them or imagine she doesn't have any. A guy that isn't so wimpy he's complaining that all the bad guys get the girl. In reality, the guys who can accomplish everything I've listed get the girl. The other guys would rather assume it's because they are "nice" that women don't want them. It's so so so much more. Come on now. Shape up. In your mid 20s you should have an idea that this nice guy stuff is complete BS. Yep, that's about right. 3
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You misunderstanding things entirely. Girls DO want a nice guy. A nice guy that sets firm limits, doesn't make that girl the only positive thing in his life, who is able to maintain interests of his own, who is confident in who he is, what he has to offer, getting what he wants. A guy that is able to maintain a personality of his own. That compliments her but doesn't become her. That has goals of his own that he is working towards. That finds a woman that he enjoys, not that he NEEDS. A man that uses the correct form of "too," capitalizes and uses punctuation. A guy that makes a girl feel just a tiny bit out of her comfort zone. A guy that is able to see her flaws and understands them, doesn't ignore them or imagine she doesn't have any. A guy that isn't so wimpy he's complaining that all the bad guys get the girl. In reality, the guys who can accomplish everything I've listed get the girl. The other guys would rather assume it's because they are "nice" that women don't want them. It's so so so much more. Come on now. Shape up. In your mid 20s you should have an idea that this nice guy stuff is complete BS. What you have described is a guy that is CONFIDENT! a guy that carries himself well, doesn't compare himself to others, is sure of himself. Confidence is what women like. You don't have to be buff or attractive to have women interested in you. If you are confident, you have it going on. 3
Phoe Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I agree that the "nice guy" entitlement attitude often is not truly nice... leaving that attitude behind is the biggest thing you can do for yourself. Also, mid 20's is the age where you're probably gonna find a total mixed bag of maturity levels from women you date. Some will not be mature enough yet, but some will be.
Author cruepain Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 I just dont get it. my dad treated my mom like crap and i could never do that. i understand there is a difference but i just dont get it. if im dating a girl and i really like her, i want to show her that i like her. i mean im ot going to be texting or clling 24/7 but if she asks me to maybe pick up something up from the store for her on my way to her house i will i dont see how thts being to nice. if shes not doing anything like that for me then yeah i can understand
OhThatGirl Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I just dont get it. my dad treated my mom like crap and i could never do that. i understand there is a difference but i just dont get it Yeah. You don't get it. If this is your parents dynamic, it's unhealthy and it sucks. But here in this thread people have given you valuable insight which you chose to ignore and instead point out that your mom sticks around despite the fact your dad treats her poorly. That is ONE relationship and is NOT within your demographic of women. Seriously though, did you read my post? Start using punctuation, capital letters, and the correct forms of words. If you're texting women like you write on LS you're going to get the boot because you come across as dim, not because you're nice. Not saying it's fair. But it happens. Do yourself a favor. Throw out this "girls don't like me because I'm a nice guy" thing and don't give it a second thought. No woman is leaving you because you picked up a bag of flour for her. That's just an excuse to ignore the other 373848 real reasons she's leaving you. Do yourself a favor and look honestly at those real reasons. 3
somedude81 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Nobody knows what women want. Not even themselves.
somedude81 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You misunderstanding things entirely. Girls DO want a nice guy. A nice guy that sets firm limits, doesn't make that girl the only positive thing in his life, who is able to maintain interests of his own, who is confident in who he is, what he has to offer, getting what he wants. A guy that is able to maintain a personality of his own. That compliments her but doesn't become her. That has goals of his own that he is working towards. That finds a woman that he enjoys, not that he NEEDS. A man that uses the correct form of "too," capitalizes and uses punctuation. A guy that makes a girl feel just a tiny bit out of her comfort zone. A guy that is able to see her flaws and understands them, doesn't ignore them or imagine she doesn't have any. A guy that isn't so wimpy he's complaining that all the bad guys get the girl. In reality, the guys who can accomplish everything I've listed get the girl. The other guys would rather assume it's because they are "nice" that women don't want them. It's so so so much more. Come on now. Shape up. In your mid 20s you should have an idea that this nice guy stuff is complete BS. They may get the girl. But those traits aren't enough to keep her.
WP4046 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 women don't even know what they want so no need to worry about it
mario_C Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Nobody knows what they want. Not even themselves. Fixed it for ya.
somedude81 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Fixed it for ya. Sorry, this is a problem that greatly affect more women than men. There is a reason "What do women want?" is the age old question.
Author cruepain Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 It's a balance of push and pull (push and pull method). If you make it too easy for them to get your attention you take away the challenge, and challenge is what attracts them. You reward them with small increments of attention then you pull back and be aloof. Everyone thinks you have to be a jerk, no most of them are not being jerks, they are just not making these girls the center of their universe. The young ones yes seem to be clingy for attention, but as they get older that wears off and become less dependent. They are just insecure at that age, where they feel if they don't have their text answered right away they feel unloved or unwanted, insecurity sets in....stupid ya I know. It's human nature to desire more what you can't have, so using this as a tool is key. Be more desirable, by being less available. Guys that are in the friends zone make the mistake of giving everything to these girls thinking that is the way to have them liked....far fro it. You look weak, creepy, and needy.....it's a big turn off. i've done that though. ive tried to be less available and all it did wa smake the girl think i wasnt interested
iiiii Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 What do women want... depends on the woman. Some might be after casual sex, and are ideally looking for a confident, tall guy, exciting with a great body. Others are after something more long term, and will place more emphasis on finding someone they respect, trust and enjoy hanging out with. Much like guys, really. Only common factors I can see is that no woman likes a guy who is a complete doormat. You say that no girls like you because you are "too nice". Well, if you're confusing being nice with being a push over - maybe that's your issue? 1
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 What do women want... depends on the woman. Some might be after casual sex, and are ideally looking for a confident, tall guy, exciting with a great body. Others are after something more long term, and will place more emphasis on finding someone they respect, trust and enjoy hanging out with. Much like guys, really. Only common factors I can see is that no woman likes a guy who is a complete doormat. You say that no girls like you because you are "too nice". Well, if you're confusing being nice with being a push over - maybe that's your issue? No guy wants a girl who is a complete doormat either. One of the few universal rules of dating. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Let me try to give you (& some other guys) examples of how a nice guy (N), a jerk (J) & a confident guy © would react in situations. We'll use the OPs example of the girl asking him to pick up something from the store on his way over: N: OK. What brand should I get? Do you need 2? Do you want me to leave now, instead of 2 hours from now when I planned on coming by? You know I'll get you flowers while I'm there. J: Get it yourself B^%# What am I your delivery service. C: OK but I'm gonna get this other brand instead because I like that better. See you in two hours. Another example, the girl wants to go out to dinner or see a movie: N: Sure. Whatever you want. Why don't we do both. Of course I'll pay & yes, I absolutely want to see Chick Flick Marathon. I thought you'd love it. J: Nah. I wanted to sit home on the couch while you massage my feet as I watch another banal sports event you don't care about. C: OK I want to see Mystery Thriller. Does that work for you? The girl wants to the guy to tag along to girls night out: N: Sure. Maybe I can paint your toe nails while you sip champagne. J: Are you f'ing kidding me? Do I look like a pu$$y to you? Pick me up a 6 pack on your way home & you better have made me dinner before you leave. C: Tell you what . . . . I'll round up the guys & go out with them. Have a good time. Call me if you need a ride home. Does that help you understand the differences? You don't have to bow down to somebody else's every whim but there is no need to be rude either. 2
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