lorenq Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Hi im 20 years old, my boyfriend is 21 After being together for almost 4 years, i found myself caring a lot less about things, including my actions that i knew would potentially hurt my boyfriends feelings. I found us growing apart and i started lying to him about my whereabouts. We had no complete transparency. Even though he strived for us to work out together, for some reason, i just didnt want to anymore. Anyways, i figured it would be best if i broke up with him, instead of staying with him and lying to him pretending like our feeling for eachother are mutual. He took it extremely hard. He cried and begged me not to leave him, which made it only harder. So we ended up agreeing on a break for 2 weeks. I told him i couldnt promise him anything and that hopefully my feelings will come back for him, but i cant tell if they will. He literally cant believe this is happening and its safe to say that he is not properly functioning right now. I had to call his mom for something the next day and she called out from work just to give him moral support, because that's how bad he is doing. I had never seen him cry so hard, and i felt SOO terrible for making him feel this way. I feel selfish or like something is wrong with me, how can i not be taking this as hard as him? Even if i change my mind after this break and get back with him, why would he want to be with me. I've put him through all this pain already. I just dont know if im doing the right thing here
deathandtaxes Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 The dumper never feels as hurt or as bad as the dumpee. But from what you say, the lack of transparency and all the rest, you are absolutely doing the right thing in dumping him. Don't call it a break. It needs to be a break up. You and he are young. He'll get over it. Congrats, though, on recognizing that this just wasn't working for you. It's better ending it now than waiting more months or years and trying to fake it the whole time.
Valen Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 If you don't feel anything for him anymore, you did the right thing. Don't go back because you feel bad for him. It would be worst for you in the long haul. Since he's only 20, it might be the first time his heart truly got shattered but that's just part of life. He'll recover. It's best that you give him space, don't initiate any contact with him, it will give him false hope. You can give him a hug for one last time and let him know that it's truly over and you are sorry and wish it hadn't come to this but you can't change the way you feel. Say your goodbyes and let him move on with his life. 1
disparate Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 What really happened for you to leave him? I'd love to know the reasons behind this too, because it seems that when it comes to females (my observations, could be wrong), they seem to lose interest for no apparent reason quite often which is rather difficult to understand.
conf Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'd love to know the reasons behind this too, because it seems that when it comes to females (my observations, could be wrong), they seem to lose interest for no apparent reason quite often which is rather difficult to understand. Because many young girls can not distinct infatuation from true love. In addition they believe that there is "THE ONE" out there. If they see someone else and think: "he is pretty" then they start to doubt their relationship because if they like someone else it means that their partner is not the one... From the OP's story i did not get a reason for the change of feelings. I suppose that she built a wall and distanced herself in order to make the big move. But as it seems the root of the problem is that the honeymoon period was over and started to doubt her relationship or wanted to explore new things. The loss of feelings is just a coping mechanism in order to not be hurt.
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