StaceyMayes Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Hi guys. I'm new here and would like to get your opinions and advice. I broke up with my boyfriend in december. I wasn't happy at the time and wanted to leave before I dragged it on. While being broken up, I was doing new things and even found someone new. Things didn't work out though because I started to compare. I haven't heard from my ex in months so I figured I wait for him to get off work. When I saw him walking out I got out of my car to see if he would give me a minute of his time. He was confused at first. I asked him if he still cared... he said "You're playing with fire right now..." Then he walked away. What did he mean by that? I'm so broken.
mangetout Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think he is saying that he is still very emotional. 1
Valen Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Hi guys. I'm new here and would like to get your opinions and advice. I broke up with my boyfriend in december. I wasn't happy at the time and wanted to leave before I dragged it on. While being broken up, I was doing new things and even found someone new. Things didn't work out though because I started to compare. I haven't heard from my ex in months so I figured I wait for him to get off work. When I saw him walking out I got out of my car to see if he would give me a minute of his time. He was confused at first. I asked him if he still cared... he said "You're playing with fire right now..." Then he walked away. What did he mean by that? I'm so broken. He was hurt by you, so you showing up again is like rubbing salt on the wound. He's saying keep away or else you'll regret it. If you kept pestering him he might front kick you to the curb. 1
Zahara Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Definition: Playing With Fire -- Used primarily to advise someone against a course of action that may result in an unpleasing outcome either for themselves or others around them. It's been three months since you ended. What about what made you unhappy in the relationship has now suddenly changed? The fact that he walked away, you should leave him alone. It doesn't seem as if he wants to go down that route again with you. 1
Hoosfoos Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You dumped him and he wants nothing to do with you.
Author StaceyMayes Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 What about what made you unhappy in the relationship has now suddenly changed? I guess the spark was gone. I know that sounds immature and it is. I realize that now. I realize that it takes work. I had that "new excitement" feeling and I delved to deep into, which is why I dumped him. This new guy I'm dating is a total 180 from my ex. He's VERY religious (which I am too but not to the extent like him), major introvert (my ex was very outgoing and could start conversations with strangers), and the things I do with him are very low key. Dinner, movie, or going to each others houses. One thing I realize is that my ex was pushing me out of my comfort zone, at the time I thought it was bad because it led me to believe that we were to completely different people and that compatibility down the road would not work. But he actually was showing me a new outlook on things. He's more of a city guy and I'm more of a country girl. My boyfriend at the moment is in the same category as me. I realize that i need to make a decision soon because it's not fair to my current boyfriend. It just cut me deep when my ex said "You're playing with fire" I know I hurt him, but now I'm scared to try again asking him.
STM206 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 It's tricky. I mean you DID leave him, and you also basically left him for another guy. How do you think he feels? Well let me tell you. 1.) the trust is broken, he got dumped once, what's to say that you won't do it again when you feel restless? 2.) you had this idea that you'd show up to his work and he'd break down and beg for you to take him back... But he had to protect himself, you probably just opened up wounds all over again when he's trying to move forward... Because he had no choice - you didn't give him one. 3.) playing with fire is just that... He doesn't want to be hurt all over again. If you are serious, and I mean serious... Then contact him, email him - but just be prepared for the worst & if he did take you back... Be prepared to be working hard to earn his trust back. 1
Valen Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I know I hurt him, but now I'm scared to try again asking him. Careful... http://www.animezone.co/fotos-imagenes-anime/ryu-abuken-bueno.gif 1
deathandtaxes Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 It just cut me deep when my ex said "You're playing with fire" I know I hurt him, but now I'm scared to try again asking him. Do both you and your ex a favor and just move on. He was being so strong to not engage you in conversation and walk away.
Zahara Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) I guess the spark was gone. I know that sounds immature and it is. I realize that now. I realize that it takes work. I had that "new excitement" feeling and I delved to deep into, which is why I dumped him. This new guy I'm dating is a total 180 from my ex. He's VERY religious (which I am too but not to the extent like him), major introvert (my ex was very outgoing and could start conversations with strangers), and the things I do with him are very low key. Dinner, movie, or going to each others houses. One thing I realize is that my ex was pushing me out of my comfort zone, at the time I thought it was bad because it led me to believe that we were to completely different people and that compatibility down the road would not work. But he actually was showing me a new outlook on things. He's more of a city guy and I'm more of a country girl. My boyfriend at the moment is in the same category as me. I realize that i need to make a decision soon because it's not fair to my current boyfriend. It just cut me deep when my ex said "You're playing with fire" I know I hurt him, but now I'm scared to try again asking him. What I don't understand is when a person goes through all that in a relationship, but never chooses to express that to their partner before making the decision to leave. But after dumping, being with someone else then all the excuses/reasons appear. I have a feeling you look to relationships to satisfy you, and when you get bored, you jump to the next person and when that doesn't fulfill you, you jump again. Both you ex and this guy you are seeing now you claim are opposites, and yet both didn't fulfill you. I question your true intent to now revisit your ex. I don't think you should ask him again. There is no reliability or trust. And he's given you his answer. Leave him alone and move on. If this current relationship isn't making you happy either maybe you should be alone for awhile. You left your ex and soon met this guy. Now you want to leave this guy to jump on your ex. You need to question your true intent and motives. This doesn't sound healthy for anyone. Edited April 5, 2014 by Zahara 5
iDrumKing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I've never heard that before. I get the sense that he was hurt deeply by the BU. OP I think the best route is to let him go. He clearly is still getting over you.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think it's extremely unfair to be attempting this with your ex while you are still dating someone else. Your new guy doesn't deserve this. I think you need to let the new guy go, be alone for a while and get your s--t together. If after several months of being alone you still have feelings for your first ex, then maybe kick the tires a bit. But right now he finds you untrustworthy and thinks your motives are sketchy. Quite frankly, I don't blame him. Also, next time communicate your reservations about a relationship before just haphazardly breaking up. How is he supposed to fix what's wrong if you don't tell him? 2
lauri Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Honestly, good for him. He is moving on and knows that he needs to protect himself and his feelings. I feel bad for your current boyfriend. You clearly should not be in a relationship with him if you are exploring your options with your ex. The only person you have for happiness is yourself - it can't come from other people. You can't be doing this and I'm my opinion your current boyfriend is already on the way out. I think you need to be straight up with him about your feelings. I don't understand the whole concept of holding your cards close to your chest...you messed up, and if you really want to be with him, you would be displaying it by saying what you really need to say. If you are too scared to get burned by him then you really need to re evaluate your feelings.... I just know if I messed up I would do ANYTHING to fix it. 3
BDL Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Learn from your mistake and move on. That's all you CAN do. Even if your ex became spineless and did get back together with you, the relationship will never be the same nor at the level previously. And it would be easier for him to dump you if he starts fancying someone else, and it wouldn't eat him up as much. Hey, an eye for an eye. But he seems like a strong guy, so he'll likely never get back together with you. That's good. Now it's time for you to go through your own grieving process for the breakup. You will learn from this mistake, you will carry it the rest of your life, but you'll come out stronger and better person for your next relationship.
travelonic Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Even if your ex became spineless and did get back together with you, the relationship..... I'd be careful about throwing around that S word. Honestly, I thin it gets thrown around too easily around here when it can be argued that while there are cases where it absolutely applies, spineless is not something one can throw around willy-nilly in all cases.
WhiteTan Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) you decided to terminate the relationship, that isn't mistake, it's a choice. you may feel now that you've made a bad one but you can't drop people and then get them back at your convenience, life just doesn't work that way. i'd say it would be in everyone's best interest for you to call this a learning experience and keep it moving. Edited April 6, 2014 by WhiteTan
redbaron005 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 He was confused at first. I asked him if he still cared... he said "You're playing with fire right now..." Then he walked away. What did he mean by that? Your actions are frustrating to me too. Of course he still cares for you - and he is clearly hurt. I would be more hurt that you had to ask. It also makes it look as if it's some kind of test/that your actions are dependent on his response rather than your feelings. If you think you made a mistake, you should apologize directly and tell him what you are apologizing for. Tell him you'd like another go but be prepared to possibly get shut down for fear of being hurt more in the future.
Trovador Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 The reaction of the ex amazes me, maybe he is a LSer... And he knew what the intention of the OP were, hence his words...
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