oldshirt Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Arieswoman, I'm afraid you and I have too much difference in how we view marriage that I can no longer discuss this with you or respond to your posts on this matter. And as your views on marriage are so rigid and narrow I do not know if you can provide any useful information to the OP in regards to her situation. monogamy vs nonmonogamy is an orientation/lifestyle issue much like heterosexuality vs homosexuality. If a homosexual writes in with a question about the dynamics of his/her specific relationship and a heterosexual responds with, "be straight." it really doesn't help much.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 OP, does your husband want you involved in a threesome simply because it's "easier" for women to find other interested women? Or does he really want you involved in the experiences? If it's the first, tell him to go find a gf who has other interested gfs...they're really not that hard to find..
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 central, All mariage ceremonies include a vow of fidelity. they do in UK
oldshirt Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think the disparity is the issue in this case - she can easily find partners, and he cannot, and is soliciting help in doing so. I suspect that if the OP does not help - even if it does not lead to a FMF threesome (as FFM is contrary to what the OP now wants) - then her husband may not want to continue the marriage as is, or at all. If it's not working, then some negotiation may be in order if you value the relationship and want it to continue. I agree. This isn't working for him in finding suitable playmates and he is asking her for help. Since it sounds like she was the one that placed the nonmonogamy requirement on their marriage, then I think she is at least somewhat obligated to offer some form of assistance even if that does not involve her having actual physical contact with the other women. Unless a guy is a rock star or celebrity or pro athlete or something of that status, no normal man will have the opportunities in an open marriage than a woman will. If she is going to require an open marriage and wants it to be at least somewhat equitable, then she is going to have offer him up some kind of assistance to balance the playing field some how. It's no different than monogamy really. If you are going to require your partner to be exclusive to you, then you need to offer them up something to make being exclusive to you worthwhile. If they have to have an open marriage but if she is the only one benifiting from it, then he has just cause to be dissatisfied with the arraignment and to ask for assistance or ask for a change in the ground rules.
oldshirt Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 OP, does your husband want you involved in a threesome simply because it's "easier" for women to find other interested women? Or does he really want you involved in the experiences? If it's the first, tell him to go find a gf who has other interested gfs...they're really not that hard to find.. That sounds good on paper but putting it into practice is a whole other story. On a very basic, fundamental level, women simply aren't interested in men who have their wives permission to play. It's easier for a guy to pretend to be cheating on his wife to pick up playmates than it is for a guy to admit that his wife has given him his blessing to play. In the scenario you are describing above, it would be a married man with a permission to play, asking another woman to play with him and bring along her girlfriend. talk about a needle in a haystack LOL
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 oldsahirt, And as your views on marriage are so rigid and narrow that is your opinion. monogamy vs nonmonogamy is an orientation/lifestyle issue much like heterosexuality vs homosexuality. no it isn't. Monogamy/non-monogamy is a lifestyle choice. Heterosexuality/homosexuality is a sexual orientation in which the person has no choice apart from celibacy/non celibacy. You are confusing sexual identity - about which people have no choice - with sexual behaviour, about which people do have a choice. All I can see here is people wanting to move boundaries and cake eat.
ThatMan Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I just want to apologize for initially bringing up LGBT before this continues spiraling into a debate of open marriages. My only point was that individuals are free to decide the nature of their own relationships and how they interact with each other. I did not want to people to confuse sexual identity or orientation with choice. Being in an open-marriage is a choice and it shouldn't be compared to sexual orientation. It's quite frankly an offensive statement to suggest otherwise. I still stand by the belief that two spouses in an open relationship should at least consider working together to make sure that each person figures out how to meet their individual needs, rather than demanding people stop talking about what they want. There's already enough dysfunctional relationships that revolve entirely around power struggles and the responsibility of who should be the sole individual to dictate the terms. He is your spouse. You two should work together on the same team by trying to make sure each of you are happy. That should hopefully include making it certain to him that you just aren't into threesomes anymore.
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