Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Would you date a guy who you found out had a criminal record for theft and a dismissed charge for harassment? If he can explain the circumstances?
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Don't know. I haven't asked him. He sent me roses. Asked me out. I started texting with him. Then I did a simple google and saw his arrest record. He seems to be a good guy from outside. And I don't think I can ask this.. Before even dating him. Prob best to just pass? He is a financial investor. Very very well off.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Firstly I'd be asking when it happened - I have a criminal record for fraud - however there are circumstances and it was when I was 16 and homeless. Doesn't make it right however people change over time and "grow up" I know I did. Secondly if that's his job now (assuming that's true) then he's clearly grown up from that mistake and moved on with his life.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Yeah but the dismissed harassment charge was within the last year. And the theft happened when he was in his late 30s... But how do I even ask... Since I haven't even dated him?
quidproquo89 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Don't know. I haven't asked him. He sent me roses. Asked me out. I started texting with him. Then I did a simple google and saw his arrest record. He seems to be a good guy from outside. And I don't think I can ask this.. Before even dating him. Prob best to just pass? He is a financial investor. Very very well off. I'd be very careful with that. People can rehabilitate themselves and everyone deserves a second chance, right? BUT, if he is just 'acting' nice, its up to you. Just keep an eye out for clues that he might not be what he seems. Good luck
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Btw I do the google thing too and recently found out that someone I had been talking too was convicted of a sex offence. He explained himself, it was a long time ago and it was a girl who had clearly lied about her age in order to have sex. I have since seen the court documents and I have now planned a date with Hun. It's all about circumstance honey
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Yeah but the dismissed harassment charge was within the last year. And the theft happened when he was in his late 30s... But how do I even ask... Since I haven't even dated him? I would literally say (and have done many times) So I googled you, most women do and I found this (explain) and he should come forward and tell you. It could well be anything from a heartbroken man chasing his ex around to being rejected by someone and not taking no for an answer. The worst he can do is never talk to you again and then you won't be dating anyway right?
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 True. Good point... I guess one just wonders if they are telling the truth about it. I would literally say (and have done many times) So I googled you, most women do and I found this (explain) and he should come forward and tell you. It could well be anything from a heartbroken man chasing his ex around to being rejected by someone and not taking no for an answer. The worst he can do is never talk to you again and then you won't be dating anyway right?
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 True. Good point... I guess one just wonders if they are telling the truth about it. Same works for anything these days honey. You have to attempt to trust people or else we would all be single forever. No one is a saint xx
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Also if the charge was dismissed the judge obviously believed him enough not to punish him for it. That's a very good sign
TXGuy Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 A dismissed harassment charge is meaningless. Any woman can get any man charged with harassment. This is surprisingly common. It isn't even that difficult for a man or a woman to get someone of the same sex charged. If it was dismissed, then the charges had no merit in the eyes of the law. Maybe it's a yellow flag, but not a red one. The fact that the dismissed charge is a matter of public record and people can make the inferences you (and many others) would make of it is a good argument to charge people who make false claims. Again, ii might be a yellow flag, but I would not put too much weight into it. 1
Shooter Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Be careful. PEople tend to overlook obvious red flags when they are infatuated with someone. The fact that he was charged with harassment means that he most likely was harassing someone. She called the police, he promised to stop with the harassment if she dropped the charges, so she dropped them. Or she called the police, got a restraining order, and decided that it wouldn't be worth it to go through with a trial since she already had the restraining order to keep him at bay. The fact that she had to call the police on this guy in the first place says a lot about his character. + hes a thief... That is seriously disgusting. Doesn't matter how much money he has now. Anyone whose willing to steal from others instead of working for their cash is a disgusting person. The final decision is up to you. If you feel good abut him then date him. But make sure you judge the relationship from an objective point of view. Don't let infatuation cloud your judgement and end up in an abusive relationship. 4
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'm pretty blunt. I'd probably say something like Hey, I googled you & I didn't really like what I found. Can we talk about it? If he's open to discussing it maybe. If he gets defensive, I would not continue. You need to remember with the theft that simply because that is what he plead guilty to, doesn't mean that is all there is. A plea bargain is a reduced charge. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'm pretty blunt. I'd probably say something like Hey, I googled you & I didn't really like what I found. Can we talk about it? If he's open to discussing it maybe. If he gets defensive, I would not continue. You need to remember with the theft that simply because that is what he plead guilty to, doesn't mean that is all there is. A plea bargain is a reduced charge. But surely if the guy has a good solid well paying job now the theft must have been a while back
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 how do you know? I'm an ass but even I don't have a criminal history Well typically people don't commit crimes like theft unless they are in trouble, need or just greedy. If he's got a good paying job NOW he's none of the first two options which are typically the case.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Not that it matters now as she's already ditched the guy anyway
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Until he's fired. maybe next time hell use a gun too when he robs a store. I don't believe she said that that one in specific was recent. Unless I've missed it somewhere. Just because someone has a record doesn't make them all horrible people. People accidentally commit crimes or do it simply because they don't have an option sometimes. It's really not that clear cut
Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 No I would not. Men downplay why they have a criminal record. I can only share my experience about it. I was seeing this man. He explained to me we could not travel outside the country because once his ex wife called the police on him, nothing bad had happened, he did not touch her, it was just her making big scene and wanting to get him in trouble. A couple of years later I had appear in court as a witness for something else and I was asked by my lawyer if I knew the details of my bf criminal record. I said yeah sure, nothing big. He handed me my bf record, turns out he had broken her 2 arms and raped her. So now, if you have a criminal record I don't want to hear your version, I want to see your record. 5
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 No I would not. Men downplay why they have a criminal record. I can only share my experience about it. I was seeing this man. He explained to me we could not travel outside the country because once his ex wife called the police on him, nothing bad had happened, he did not touch her, it was just her making big scene and wanting to get him in trouble. A couple of years later I had appear in court as a witness for something else and I was asked by my lawyer if I knew the details of my bf criminal record. I said yeah sure, nothing big. He handed me my bf record, turns out he had broken her 2 arms and raped her. So now, if you have a criminal record I don't want to hear your version, I want to see your record. Agreed anyone can TELL you anything but if you don't see it in black and white it's likely made up. Thankfully I'm honest as the day is long and if someone asks they sure as hell know I ain't making it up haha Hey gaeta - good luck with your thread. Didn't want to comment as I have nothing to offer other than good luck
HappyLove Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 females make excuses for criminals if they are hawt WRONG! It's if they're RICH! 1
RedRobin Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 No, I wouldn't. I'd rather spend my time figuring out if we are compatible in other ways... not worrying about their criminal record and whatever else that might entail. Just too much drama for me.
William Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 It appears our hydra showed up again and deleting the responses would gut the thread so I'll leave most of them. Apologies for the disruption. Our morning moderator usually catches this but he's enjoying spring break with his family. Please continue!
Author Mommame2 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Well I haven't met the guy. I worried. Told him that I just got divorced and am not really ready to date. He said ok. But still asked for casual coffee. Then I told him I was going out of town this weekend (again we've never met) and he offered to drive me with "door to door service". He obviously didn't know I was going to meet another guy. So I thanked him for the generous offer, but declined. So he is still texting asking for a drink later tonight. I feel like his persistence is even more concerning knowing I have seen he had a dismissed charge for harassment. Not to mention ... Theft.
CantSStopMeNow Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Hmmm, i would say be careful. And if you want to ask stuff its while dating that you have to ask them. At a certain point. Before investing to much emotion and time etc into it. And be careful with relaying on the explanation.Because that is where many people get stock and naive. Once the explanation sounds understandable or nice etc. they close their eyes for what ever. Noting happen for noting. So if you got the thought of googleling him and found those info is because you needed to know it. If you ignore it it would be on yourself ! Maybe he is different now. But you need to take time to see and know him and his reaction and behaviour about those stuff etc. Or you can find those info enough to end the dating. Anyways use your brain not your emotions.
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