Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am using a friend's account here... Need advice. I met a guy (43) divorced. He has a child who lives in another state but spends a lot of time with him. He met me twice. Once for dinner and next for a drink. He fell for me hard. Keeps telling me that but because of my work and child obligations... I don't have the ability to hang out with him as much as he wants. I am just getting through divorce. He has suggested that he come to my house after my child falls asleep. I have said no. He has said okay but I can tell it's bothering him. He went out of town for 5 days and I had family function for my child at my home. My (ex)child's father was there. My new guy got jealous. Was upset that my ex was there. One day (I had a party) and I texted him through your the day. But he was upset I never called him. The next day he went off on me via text. Saying that he just felt hurt and that my "sad and delusional" idea of divorce was a joke. Said my ex shouldn't be around me so much. (I let my ex parents stay at my house for this party because our child was excited to see grandparents). He said a lot of hurtful things. He had previously asked a lot about my divorce and I answered the questions and told him what our problems were. Then he responded with .. "It felt like one big therapy session". Well I cut him off. Told him I was very hurt. And not to contact me again. A few days later he texted to apologize. He said he was just frustrated. He wants me to be happy and free of the drama. He wants to take care of me. He has a lot of money. A great career. And I think overall he IS a good guy who would spoil me. But I just can't get past what he said. Should I forgive him and give it another try? My sister (also on here) says no... But suggested I ask here.
JourneyLady Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I wouldn't. If his way of dealing with frustration is to say hurtful things, that's not going to go away. End it before you become too invested. I speak from experience... Good luck! 2
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Yeah also I saw on FB that one of the nights he was out of town he was hanging out with a very pretty woman and her kids. (And his). I asked him why he would accuse me of anything when he specifically told me he didn't know anyone at the event. He said that I was just going through so much he didn't want to worry me and that she was just an old family friend who had a boyfriend.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Just hard when you see someone who you looks like they are the real deal. But this stuff pops up. He also got upset one time because I didn't answer his texts right away but he saw I was on FB. That shook me the first time... Then he reeled me back in.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 How would you end it? He keeps texting me. I had told him I might be willing to meet with him this weekend, but I obviously have been wavering. Run away from this one
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am using a friend's account here... Need advice. I met a guy (43) divorced. He has a child who lives in another state but spends a lot of time with him. He met me twice. Once for dinner and next for a drink. He fell for me hard. Keeps telling me that but because of my work and child obligations... I don't have the ability to hang out with him as much as he wants. I am just getting through divorce. He has suggested that he come to my house after my child falls asleep. I have said no. He has said okay but I can tell it's bothering him. He went out of town for 5 days and I had family function for my child at my home. My (ex)child's father was there. My new guy got jealous. Was upset that my ex was there. One day (I had a party) and I texted him through your the day. But he was upset I never called him. The next day he went off on me via text. Saying that he just felt hurt and that my "sad and delusional" idea of divorce was a joke. Said my ex shouldn't be around me so much. (I let my ex parents stay at my house for this party because our child was excited to see grandparents). He said a lot of hurtful things. He had previously asked a lot about my divorce and I answered the questions and told him what our problems were. Then he responded with .. "It felt like one big therapy session". Well I cut him off. Told him I was very hurt. And not to contact me again. A few days later he texted to apologize. He said he was just frustrated. He wants me to be happy and free of the drama. He wants to take care of me. He has a lot of money. A great career. And I think overall he IS a good guy who would spoil me. But I just can't get past what he said. Should I forgive him and give it another try? My sister (also on here) says no... But suggested I ask here. So anytime you do anything he doesn't like he gets abusive?? RUN RUN RUN!!!! there is a massive difference between feeling left out and going nutty. What he said wasn't ok and the fact that you have a child with your ex and he was at their party means nothing but a good father and hopefully an amicable relationship between the pair of you. Any man especially a father who can't see that is stupid. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 How would you end it? He keeps texting me. I had told him I might be willing to meet with him this weekend, but I obviously have been wavering. Simply tell him you don't like that he's abusive and you want to live a quiet drama free life. Wish him the best in finding someone else and block his number if you can.
MidwestUSA Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 "Just getting through divorce". Meaning it's in process still? Or you're adjusting to life just after? Either way, you should think of taking some to to yourself. Quality guys aren't going to flock to someone who's in the midst of a divorce. Isn't this the third wacko guy you've attracted already?
RonaldS Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 This guy sounds like an idiot. Who does that? You're dating a woman going through/just through a divorce, and you want to start imposing on them and then getting upset about something that is built-in (the woman has an kid with her ex....of course he's going to be around)? To me, the guy comes off like a total jag. Tell him, preferably over the phone (not text) that you're not ready for a relationship and don't see things working out with him. If he tries to talk you into being with him, politely decline. You just got out of a bad relationship. Don't jump into a new bad relationship.
GemmaUK Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I actually wouldn't even talk to him, I would just send a quick short text to say you don't want to see him again. Talking means he would have the opportunity to talk you around. Don't give him that opportunity. He has already acted in a controlling and abusive way. Manipulation will be in his list of 'qualities' no doubt also.
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Absolutely not! A man that goes off on you like this after only seeing you twice has serious problems and this is only the tip of the iceberg. You cease all contact with him immediately. No negotiating, no friendship, nothing. Just tell him : Sorry it won't work, good luck.
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Tell him, preferably over the phone (not text) In my opinion 2 dates he doesn't deserve the respect a phone call. 1
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 This guy has issues. Don't listen to his excuses, he has passive aggressive behavior and this is a HUGE red flag. This dude is a dud. Tell him to never contact you again, that it is done and over with. Then proceed to delete/block him from your contact list and any social media you have.
SoonMyFriend Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I've dated someone with similar issues and it doesn't get better. Frankly, send a text and then ignore ignore ignore. He will keep trying to reel you back in. Block him if you have to. You can do much better.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 To add, never ever let a guy treat you like this. If you have someone that incisively quizzes you about your divorce or other things, and doesn't respect your privacy, you run as fast as you can. It screams insecurities, baggage, etc 1
mammasita Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I don't think you have any reason to be torn.....his actions sound like complete deal breakers.....multiple deal breakers. 1
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