koncreterose Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I was with my ex for two years. We broke up in November bc I didn't feel that he made our relationship a pritority (waiting two or three weeks to see each other, never going on dates, etc.). He initatied contact with me 2 months ago and we decided to try "dating" again. Things have been good but recently I've been annoyed with a few things. Recently, we went three weeks without seeing each other, however, that was during the time that he had midterms and was also dealing with his grandfather being sick (and passing away). So I definitely understood that. But we saw each other one night after that and now its been another two weeks and we haven't seen each other since then. I've asked about three times during this period and he always had something to do (hanging out with his roommates, having friends over for the weekend, and whatever else). So I told him I would stop asking and he could let me know when he had free time. He agreed. Yesterday, I texted him and just asked about his day and he said he had done nothing all day. Me: 'well ok, wouldn't that had been a good time for us to see each other? Him: I don't know. What do you think? Me: Yep. Him: I agree. Me: ok, well why didn't we hang out today? Him: were we supposed to? Me: we didn't have anything planned but I thought you would want to since we haven't seen each other in two weeks and I've asked numerous times. Him: where is this coming from? What did I do or not do? Me: you had free time and still didn't spend time with me. Him: okay I get it. Me: that bothers me and makes it seem like you're not interested in spending time with me. Him: what do you want me to do? Me: spend time with me when you have free time I guess. Him: you're expecting too much from me. Just curious of people's opinion. I don't think I was asking to much. I don't want all of his free time, I just expect to see each other within a reasonable time frame, especially if I've asked and he has agreed to let me know when he has free time. Sn: we live like ten minutes from each other.
Mrin Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Stop wasting your time on him. You want something different than what he wants and he isn't willing to increase the intensity level. I'd move on - only more of this angst ahead. The levels of a relationship according to Mrin: 1. Dating: you try to fit each other into your lives. Time together is scheduled when it works for both parties. Default time mode: apart 2. Relationship: you start experiencing life together. You're no longer reserving time/dates. It is expected that if you both have free time you spend it together. If one is invited to a party the other one comes. You are a couple. Default time mode: mostly together. 3. Committed Relatinship: you start building a life together. You plan vacations. Maybe make joint decisions and joint purchases. You eventually cohabitate. Default time mode: together. 1
AMusing Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Dang, and I thought my ex didn't see me enough. This guy doesn't want you as a part of his life. He has made it clear for years now (!) that he wants to see you very rarely. If you enjoyed only seeing him once or twice a month, I'd say more power to you (I wouldn't understand it, but if it makes you happy, and fulfills your needs, that's all that matters). But you want to see him more. His distance and apparent disinterest in seeing you makes you unhappy. These issues caused you to break up previously, and despite promises to change, they haven't. In fact, he thinks seeing you any more than he does is asking "too much" from you. This tells me quite clearly that they won't change. The thing is, a relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, secure, and appreciated. It's supposed to be fun. The people in it are supposed to really like each other, and want to see each other. That isn't asking "too much" from someone. That is the very definition of a relationship. Ultimately, only you can decide if what you get out of this relationship is worth the drawbacks. For what it's worth, I can't imagine many women being genuinely satisfied with this arrangement. I certainly wouldn't be. 1
KatZee Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You're with a guy who lives 10 minutes from you and he doesn't see you for 3 weeks at a time. Do you want to know why he doesn't see you? Because he doesn't want to. That's all there is to it. You've brought this up numerous times now, nothing has changed, and he has no desire to see you when he has some down time. He's making time for everything else in his life. Stop nagging him about it, it's not going to change and obviously he doesn't see this changing. You gave him the second chance, he blew it. I'd get rid of him. 1
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