do you think it is okay to be rude to the dumper if they reach out?

[D-Lish]

Honestly, I think the best response in many situations is no response at all- but I have found an effective response that has managed to get under everyone's skin I've applied it to...

 

I've had many ex's text me months, and sometimes years later through with a text. My response whether asking a genuine question, or knowing the answer --->

 

"Who is this?"

[Ordinaryday]

Not sure if silence speaks louder than words fits in all cases.

 

I was the dumper and I recently contacted an ex to "bury the hatchet". The relationship ended very badly two years ago. It wasn't my fault because he was physically abusive to me. I never gave him a second chance, just left and I know he was extremely hurt by me leaving.

 

I thought he would have been happy to hear from me after two years of NC but he clearly wasn't. He was angry to hear off me. Said the same " why contact me to make me relive the pain I went through".

 

It's really upset me that he is still hurt. If he had ignored me then I would not think about him as much. But his words has left an impression

 

That's EXACTLY what I was aiming for. when she dumped me two years ago I sooked and cried and stuff and gave her a huge egoboost. I guarantee that she thought I would be thrilled to hear from her.

 

and I basically said that as well "why contact me and remind me of the fact that you dumped me? that's rude!" and I am not sure whether my response hurt her, but I know it certainly surprised her because there was no way she thought I would say it!

[Ordinaryday]

Honestly, I think the best response in many situations is no response at all- but I have found an effective response that has managed to get under everyone's skin I've applied it to...

 

I've had many ex's text me months, and sometimes years later through with a text. My response whether asking a genuine question, or knowing the answer --->

 

"Who is this?"

 

yeah tried that with her and she didnt realise I was being sarcastic, she then responded back with "haha funny you don't remember me, we went out...."

 

I then realised that I would have to go the direct approach.

[mangetout]

That's EXACTLY what I was aiming for. when she dumped me two years ago I sooked and cried and stuff and gave her a huge egoboost. I guarantee that she thought I would be thrilled to hear from her.

 

and I basically said that as well "why contact me and remind me of the fact that you dumped me? that's rude!" and I am not sure whether my response hurt her, but I know it certainly surprised her because there was no way she thought I would say it!

 

I wS very taken back that he was angry at me. It's really annoyed me that he wasn't happy to hear off me. It made me question whether I handled the situation correctly.

It feels like unfinished business.

[mangetout]

When dumpers want to friend zone you it's to relieve their guilt. End of

[Ordinaryday]

It feels like unfinished business.

 

A lot of new members on this site post a thread asking if it is okay to contact their ex for 'closure', ie resolving all unfinished business.

 

the answer they uniformly get is NO, because nothing the ex will say can give you 'closure' because closure comes from within. the fact that you dumped them/they dumped you IS the closure.

 

This ex who contacted me, I only saw briefly, for like two months so I didnt care about being rude to her.

 

I have one ex who I was a lot more involved with for a much longer timeframe, and she dumped me as well. I know she is with another guy right now so she doesnt need me, but she was a Christian and she was always telling me about how she hates having 'bad blood' with people and how she tries to make amends with those from her past.

 

I can appreciate that, but when she dumped me I told her in no uncertain terms "dont EVER contact me again, FOR ANYTHING. NEVER" and she said she could respect that, but....

 

a lot of dumpers seem to think that after a sufficient time has passed it is okay to contact the ex as they will be 'over' it and you can 'make peace' with them or something.

 

I ABSOLUTELY dread the thought of her contacting me for this. it would kill me. I hope she will respects my wishes and never do it but I can just imagine in a few years getting a text/fb message from her, to "bury the hatchet".

 

the thought kills me.

[Ordinaryday]

When dumpers want to friend zone you it's to relieve their guilt. End of

 

yeah I have learned heaps from this board. I always knew, but this board confirmed, that the reason some dumpers reach out with a breadcrumb awhile after dumping is they feel guilty about dumping and hurting you...

 

... and even though they don't want you back and DON'T want to give you another chance...

 

they want some kind of brief acknowledgement from you that things between the two of you are 'okay' and that you dont bear any illwill towards them.

 

I refuse to give them this.

[BC1980]

yeah I have learned heaps from this board. I always knew, but this board confirmed, that the reason some dumpers reach out with a breadcrumb awhile after dumping is they feel guilty about dumping and hurting you...

 

... and even though they don't want you back and DON'T want to give you another chance...

 

they want some kind of brief acknowledgement from you that things between the two of you are 'okay' and that you dont bear any illwill towards them.

 

I refuse to give them this.

 

I also simply refuse to give even an inch to let my ex think I'm okay. No freaking way. He needs to feel the guilt because that's the least he could do.

[almond]

I also simply refuse to give even an inch to let my ex think I'm okay. No freaking way. He needs to feel the guilt because that's the least he could do.

 

Even if I weren't okay, I'd certainly want them to think that I am.

 

The thought of someone pitying me like that is not what I am after...in fact, I'd go to great lengths to avoid it..