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do you think it is okay to be rude to the dumper if they reach out?

Ordinaryday

By Ordinaryday
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

I know everyone here says "silence speaks louder than words" and "nothing sends a louder message than you ignoring their breadcrumbs" and things like that, and I mostly agree.

 

but in January one dumper reached out after two years with a breadcrumb. it was a very generic "hi how are you? hope life is well. how have you been since I last saw you?" type email.

 

I can understand WHY she sent it. when she dumped me she caught me offguard (it completely came out of the blue) and I did all the mistakes in the book, told her how great she was, begged her for another chance, gave her a huge ego boost.

 

two years had done a lot to me and changed my perspective on things and it made me realise just how low and horrible she was and what she did.

 

so when she reached out with the breadcrumb even though I probably should have ignored it I responded back very rudely, something like "thanks for wasting my time and bringing back old memories of getting dumped. Thanks for selfishly contacting me, don't ever do it again".

 

maybe I shouldnt have but I dont regret it in the slightest. maybe it said to her I am still bitter about things and I dont care because being rude to her breadcrumb felt good.

 

so do any of you be rude when they contact you with a breadcrumb? or do you just do the standard advice of ignoring them? which is better?

Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
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It kind of depends. It depends what he/she did that was so bad.

 

But I would probably wager in 99.999999999% of the cases, silence is the correct choice.

 

 

Your angry reply only tells her you aren't over it.

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Your angry reply only tells her you aren't over it.

 

I thought about that and I realise I DONT CARE whether she thinks I am over it or not because her opinion is no longer relevant to me. And I am 'over it' in the sense that I no longer miss her, but I am not over it in the sense that I am okay and fine with the fact that she treated me like crap and bear no ill towards her.

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
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Makes sense brother, I understand. But your silence would have been more effective in the end. I know you know that and knew that, but you let emotion get the best of you.

 

So be it, all you can do is not make the mistake again.

 

 

My ex fiance of 4 years left me one day and got with another guy 2 weeks later. She moved in with him not long after. I don't know how much anger I even hold, as much as pity that someone is such an imbalanced, impulsive, shallow person.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
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I've had ex's (who dumped me) contact me after 2/3/4 months to ask "how I was?"

 

My standard reply was "Why are you contacting me? Has your floosie dumped you?" Then I'd hang up before they got a chance to reply.

 

I don't know if it was a good or a bad response but it let them know I wasn't being taken for a fool a second time. :cool:

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guest572 Established Member

guest572

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Felt great but i feel kinda stupid now to be honest. It was immature. Silence is the best option for sure.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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I guess I prefer silence because it really says a lot. Above all, people hate to be ignored. Many people want negative attention over no attention, so silence is best. If course, it's not always easy. I've certainly had visions of cursing my ex out.

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sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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It might be hard to just not reply, but I think that's what I would aim for. I don't like ignoring people, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Rude is never great but when you are hurt, people do dumb things.

 

Your response was fine. Stop thinking about it.

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Purepony Established Member

Purepony

Posted
Posted

I received an email from my ex ex and I just replied with

 

"Leave me alone you have the soul of a pig and are dead to me "

 

She has not contacted me since haha...

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
I received an email from my ex ex and I just replied with

 

"Leave me alone you have the soul of a pig and are dead to me "

 

She has not contacted me since haha...

 

Meh. I think silence is a harder punch in the gut, but thats just me.

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mangetout Established Member

mangetout

Posted
Posted

Not sure if silence speaks louder than words fits in all cases.

 

I was the dumper and I recently contacted an ex to "bury the hatchet". The relationship ended very badly two years ago. It wasn't my fault because he was physically abusive to me. I never gave him a second chance, just left and I know he was extremely hurt by me leaving.

 

I thought he would have been happy to hear from me after two years of NC but he clearly wasn't. He was angry to hear off me. Said the same " why contact me to make me relive the pain I went through".

 

It's really upset me that he is still hurt. If he had ignored me then I would not think about him as much. But his words has left an impression

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
Not sure if silence speaks louder than words fits in all cases.

 

I was the dumper and I recently contacted an ex to "bury the hatchet". The relationship ended very badly two years ago. It wasn't my fault because he was physically abusive to me. I never gave him a second chance, just left and I know he was extremely hurt by me leaving.

 

I thought he would have been happy to hear from me after two years of NC but he clearly wasn't. He was angry to hear off me. Said the same " why contact me to make me relive the pain I went through".

 

It's really upset me that he is still hurt. If he had ignored me then I would not think about him as much. But his words has left an impression

 

That's interesting. If my ex contacted me, my only motivation in responding would be to hurt him. I know that's not a good place to be in, but I still have anger over what happened. I would only want to say something to make him feel guilt over what he did, and I suspect many people only respond to an ex for that reason.

 

I hope I can be the bigger person and not respond. I think it's better not to open any lines of communication because who knows where it will lead. It's best to just let it be.

Lifegoezon Established Member

Lifegoezon

Posted
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I think either silence or abuse will offend the ex. Nobody likes being ignored and nobody likes to be disliked. So if the aim is to wound them, either would do it. Why shouldn't you say what you think? Unless you are hoping for reconciliation. Does displaying residual anger at someone's betrayal mean you haven't moved on in spite of it? I'm not sure. I might go for abuse I think but silence probably makes them feel more insignificant.

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
I think either silence or abuse will offend the ex. Nobody likes being ignored and nobody likes to be disliked. So if the aim is to wound them, either would do it. Why shouldn't you say what you think? Unless you are hoping for reconciliation. Does displaying residual anger at someone's betrayal mean you haven't moved on in spite of it? I'm not sure. I might go for abuse I think but silence probably makes them feel more insignificant.

 

That's what I'm thinking. In silence you literally don't say anything, but the meaning behind it is "you're not even worth it."

 

Example: When I was young and got in trouble my parents would obviously get onto me. When I did something really bad, they wouldn't say a word. I know that I've anger or disappointed them at a deeper level.

 

That mad me feel like ****. I would rather them yell at me.

 

So silence is much more powerful IMO.

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

Posted
Posted

I don't think silence is always intended to wound. For me, it would be to protect myself (as well as any others in case I respond in a way that I'd rather not).

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erklat Established Member

erklat

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Posted

I wouldn't respond to anything insignificant.

 

But since I still can't seem to let go I'd prefer to be left alone anyway.

 

The word 'betrayal' I read made me think...

mangetout Established Member

mangetout

Posted
Posted (edited)
I think either silence or abuse will offend the ex. Nobody likes being ignored and nobody likes to be disliked. So if the aim is to wound them, either would do it. Why shouldn't you say what you think? Unless you are hoping for reconciliation. Does displaying residual anger at someone's betrayal mean you haven't moved on in spite of it? I'm not sure. I might go for abuse I think but silence probably makes them feel more insignificant.

 

Yes they would both offend the dumper. But. If my ex had not responded then my imagination would have run wild and I would tried to ease my ego by thinking thoughts that were kind to me.

E.g maybe he changed his number. Maybe he couldn't answer because he felt guilty. Maybe he still loved me and found it hard it move on....

 

But the fact that my ex expressed his anger made it very very real that he doesn't want me in his life. And that hurts me ofcourse

Edited by mangetout
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Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

Posted
Posted
My ex fiance of 4 years left me one day and got with another guy 2 weeks later. She moved in with him not long after. I don't know how much anger I even hold, as much as pity that someone is such an imbalanced, impulsive, shallow person.

 

When you say she "got with another guy 2 weeks later", you are deluding yourself. She got with him MONTHS prior to your relationship ending. She only went public with it 2 weeks after she dumped you.

 

She may be "imbalanced" and "shallow". "Impulsive"? Hardly.

 

Whenever I read "she moved on so fast!" or "started dating someone new days later", I have to give myself one of those palm slaps. Any girl that dumps you has already moved on thanks to the guy she was seeing (physically or emotionally or textually or Instagramally) long before she decided to dump you.

 

Truth hurts. But it's the truth...

  • Like 6
iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted
Truth hurts. But it's the truth...

 

You nailed it.

Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

Posted
Posted
You nailed it.

 

I loathe being correct about these things. Gratitude.

Ms.Gia New Member

Ms.Gia

Posted
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Good point... Next time, don't reply.

 

I don't know how much anger I even hold, as much as pity that someone is such an imbalanced, impulsive, shallow person.

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

Posted
Posted

Why not be just indifferent ?

witmadskilllz Established Member

witmadskilllz

Posted
Posted (edited)

silence is key, i am a victim of being dumped, ex rebounded within days, if not, the first week after breakup. I now understand the truth in full, yes it did hurt a lot initially but thank god in the long run that with silence, I slowly became a better person for myself and will be ready for my future wife : ). Fyi, about a year later my ex had sent me a breadcrumb-like text(like i'll fall for that bait...) happy I was, sad I became afterwards because at that moment, I knew she was already long gone and so I have accepted it with silence

Edited by witmadskilllz
TigerLilly78 Established Member

TigerLilly78

Posted
Posted

I like being friends with the EX even when they have dumped me cause its always a hoot when they see you move on and end up happy with some one else and they are alone and miserable..*sigh* evil but yet so good...lol:laugh:

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