OldNavy Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) I feel that it's either that or be a loner for more years. It took me till the age of 24 (now I'm 27) to lose my virginity to a gf. Off course my ideal woman would have been an Adriana Lima but if I had been focusing on that, I would probably have still been a virgin by now. I don't think we have too many options and just have to get what's available. I'm starting to think that it's easier for a woman to find herself a decent man that's relationship minded and with no baggage (or very little) than for us to find that in a woman. I've only been in 3 relationships so far; the first ending because it ran out of course, the 2nd I get cheated on and the 3rd she breaks up suddenly, then I learned she's already with someone else within a short time. Now I've been single for many months and it's not easy finding a quality woman that would be worth proposing to and having kids with. I get the feeling most of the good ones are either already taken (either dated their HS sweetheart and married him later on or were simply snatched on time) or too young for me to date them. I think I'm going to just have to settle for any woman with baggages, compromise and simply only see the present. I don't want to be single for too long and do want kids. ONS wouldn't help in anything. I would still be single and lonely. I admit I'm kind of desperate at this point. I think in my desperate self, I would even eat a rotten sandwich. I'm close to giving up on the searching and simply get what I can get. Edited April 5, 2014 by OldNavy
Radu Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Things change after 30 if you are not one with baggage [emotional, financial, etc ... ]. By the time you reach 35 it's the other way around. So whatever you do, don't settle. 5
Anela Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Things change after 30 if you are not one with baggage [emotional, financial, etc ... ]. By the time you reach 35 it's the other way around. So whatever you do, don't settle. it isn't when it comes to men who look down on women. But I hope that you find what you're looking for OldNavy: you're only 27. 1
lollipopspot Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 It took me till the age of 24 (now I'm 27) to lose my virginity to a gf. Off course my ideal woman would have been an Adriana Lima but if I had been focusing on that, I would probably have still been a virgin by now. I don't think we have too many options and just have to get what's available. Yes, you, I think you need to settle. If you are honestly holding up a Victoria's Secret model as your ideal, and feeling that you somehow settled ("just have to get what's available") when you went with this other lady, then your aspirations for physical beauty are too unrealistic. I'd be seriously offended if I were the lady you lost your virginity to and read what you wrote. Maybe you are trying to find women based on appearance, and hoping they have good character, rather than looking for good character first. It doesn't mean you don't need to be attracted to the woman, but I question your priorities. I'm starting to think that it's easier for a woman to find herself a decent man that's relationship minded and with no baggage (or very little) than for us to find that in a woman. Not really, but if a decent man is one who thinks that a woman should look like a Victoria's Secret model or he's "settling," then no. I think it's possible that you value yourself too high, and average woman too low. 8
Anela Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Oh, I didn't mean hold out for a model - I meant someone compatible personality-wise. I would be offended, too, if I had been one of the women you spoke of. I thought you mentioned Adriana Lima, because she was a virgin until she got married (going by what you said in another thread). 1
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 What you have to offer isn't on par with what you are looking for. I'd be cautious of basing your value on one thing. Most people aren't that one dimensional. It seems to be a popular idea that men's value increases as they get older, but that was in the past before women had options. These days it is just as likely or more likely for the woman to have more money, more education than lots of men... and lots of options to start a family either with a partner or solo... and later in life too. So you are obliged to do the best with what you are born with... we all are.... not wait around waiting for your supposed value to increase based on some arbitrary, outdated conventions that will likely change by the time you get there. How much would that suck, huh?? If you got to age 35+ and found out that the hot supermodel, doctor, businesswoman is saving herself for the sweet, stay at home, younger Dad?? lol 2
iris219 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I'm starting to think that it's easier for a woman to find herself a decent man that's relationship minded and with no baggage (or very little) than for us to find that in a woman. It's not. Now I've been single for many months and it's not easy finding a quality woman that would be worth proposing to and having kids with. I get the feeling most of the good ones are either already taken (either dated their HS sweetheart and married him later on or were simply snatched on time) or too young for me to date them. It's the same for women. The older you get, the harder it gets to find people of quality because they settle into relationships. It has nothing to do with being male vs female. 1
BradJacobs Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I admit I'm kind of desperate at this point. You shouldn't be making any decisions about dating or relationships while feeling like this. Do what you need to in order to build up your sense of self worth. You are the common denominator in your relationships and pursuit of love. Figure out what needs to change and commit to changing it. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 What you have to offer isn't on par with what you are looking for. I'd be cautious of basing your value on one thing. Most people aren't that one dimensional. It seems to be a popular idea that men's value increases as they get older, but that was in the past before women had options. These days it is just as likely or more likely for the woman to have more money, more education than lots of men... and lots of options to start a family either with a partner or solo... and later in life too. So you are obliged to do the best with what you are born with... we all are.... not wait around waiting for your supposed value to increase based on some arbitrary, outdated conventions that will likely change by the time you get there. How much would that suck, huh?? If you got to age 35+ and found out that the hot supermodel, doctor, businesswoman is saving herself for the sweet, stay at home, younger Dad?? lol While I think that the OP is a bit delusional, maybe in your world the mature men are useless, drunken, fat, DPW workers.......NOT the case around here...Sure, women make great money, but absolutely none of the people in my circle have wives/gf's that make more than they do, or have more powerful careers than their men do...Doesnt make us "better", but as hard as you can try, you cant discount the fact that it exists.. Oh....and the second point(bolded) made me laugh....Yep..Thats exactly what a successful middle aged professional woman wants...some little boy thats barely off his mothers tit....:laugh: TFY 1
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) While I think that the OP is a bit delusional, maybe in your world the mature men are useless, drunken, fat, DPW workers.......NOT the case around here...Sure, women make great money, but absolutely none of the people in my circle have wives/gf's that make more than they do, or have more powerful careers than their men do...Doesnt make us "better", but as hard as you can try, you cant discount the fact that it exists.. TFY Don't laugh. Some of the most successful women I know not only make more than their H's.... but yes... their H's do or did a lot of domestic chores and were SAHD for awhile when their kids were little. I've met their H's. They aren't beaten down sad sacks either. Just the opposite. They come across as happy and confident. Both people just seem to be pragmatic and team-work oriented. They divided tasks according to interest and ability. The fact is, most people are not going to reach the pinnacle of so-called 'success' AND have a family unless they have significant help... whether it is homegrown or purchased in one way or another... ... as for the last part... you can't say what anyone wants. If those women can 'afford' a younger man and attract him, I don't see her as any different than a guy who does the same thing. Edited April 5, 2014 by RedRobin
xxoo Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Be open to the possibility that the woman you ultimately fall in love with and want to marry with all your heart might not be what you imagine right now. That isn't settling, that's living. 8
Radu Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 it isn't when it comes to men who look down on women. But I hope that you find what you're looking for OldNavy: you're only 27. Where exactly in his post, does it seem that he looks down on women. If anything, from the first few lines, it could be inferred he is aware he may have unrealistic physical expectations.
Author OldNavy Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) I'm not looking down on woman and would still date an average in looks with a good personality. I meant that as an idea, it would have been great for a woman to have it all; great looking like Adriana, strong morals/values too and a decent woman overall. Not easy to find a woman that has it all; high in looks, morals, personality and nice. I already know I can't have it all. I admit the only disadvantage in Adriana would be the whole waiting till marriage but I think if I was very much in love with her, liked everything else and her beauty, I'll wait for her. I have to say she's a rare woman. When I was a virgin, I would look up to her. She's still the most prettiest woman I've ever seen and with good morals, unlike the typical ones I've encountered. Edited April 5, 2014 by OldNavy 1
Author OldNavy Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Be open to the possibility that the woman you ultimately fall in love with and want to marry with all your heart might not be what you imagine right now. That isn't settling, that's living.I know. It's a sad world unfortunately.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I'm not looking down on woman and would still date an average in looks with a good personality. I meant that as an idea, it would have been great for a woman to have it all; great looking like Adriana, strong morals/values too and a decent woman overall. Not easy to find a woman that has it all; high in looks, morals, personality and nice. I already know I can't have it all. I admit the only disadvantage in Adriana would be the whole waiting till marriage but I think if I was very much in love with her, liked everything else and her beauty, I'll wait for her. I have to say she's a rare woman. When I was a virgin, I would look up to her. She's still the most prettiest woman I've ever seen and with good morals, unlike the typical ones I've encountered. And if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle.... Forget about fantasy crap....there are more than enough good women to go around...If anything they outnumber us by a mile...They outlive us as well.. TFY 1
xxoo Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I know. It's a sad world unfortunately. What is sad about falling in love with someone you'd never expect? Some average looking girl who makes you forget all about Adriana Lima? It's an amazing world! 2
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You know what OP? It's ok. I understand. People keep telling me I'm supposed to settle for guys with financial problems or substance abuse issues... or who slept around a lot... or used women... or are a lot older than me... I don't get it either. If you think you aren't going to be happy with someone who doesn't look like Adriana Lima or the equivalent, then don't. What you choose to do with your life is your own business. Maybe you can do like one of the posters here... make a bunch of money and buy hot escorts. That's an option too. It might take awhile though. I think he is in his 50's. 2
almond Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 People keep telling me I'm supposed to settle for guys with financial problems or substance abuse issues... or who slept around a lot... or used women... or are a lot older than me... That's pretty extreme, and I'd be wary of the people doling out this kind of advice. I'd be questioning mindset and the motivations behind it...how strange. 1
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Come on! Why this idea of giving up, why being so desperate to get someone. Good things happen to you when you least expecting them.
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Kids won't make you happy if your partner is bad or not good enough for you. You will end up having kids who hate you or their mother, emotionally broken and after 5, 6 years you have to get a divorce, pay for alimony and child support! What's wrong with being alone, I prefer being alone to being with someone that I don't love. Work on yourself, change your desperate attitude and start being positive. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 If you meet the right girl, a plain Jane will turn into Adriana Lima. If a man falls hard for a girl, she is the most beautiful woman in the world in his eyes. A man who is smitten/taken by a girl does absolutely NOT wish " that she was a super model". 5
Leigh 87 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 What is sad about falling in love with someone you'd never expect? Some average looking girl who makes you forget all about Adriana Lima? It's an amazing world! My bf fell in love with some average looking girl. He regularly tells her she is the most gorgeous looking woman in the world to him. It is an atrocity and deeply saddening how many people do not believe in true love, where a man honestly doesn't go around thinking " gee I wish my girlfriend looked like a supermodel" Not all men who are madly in love wish their girlfriends looked like someone else. A girl who gains a few pounds, sure, I can see why her partner who would still be nuts about her, would want her to lose the weight for health reasons and to improve the attraction. 1
iiiii Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I meant that as an idea, it would have been great for a woman to have it all; great looking like Adriana, strong morals/values too and a decent woman overall. Not easy to find a woman that has it all; high in looks, morals, personality and nice. I don't mean to be rude, but you haven't told us much about yourself. Are you incredibly fit and handsome, with strong morals/values and a great personality? Because unless you "have it all" you're likely to have to settle for a partner who isn't perfect either. Like some of the other posters have said, though, people often go through life thinking they want one thing, but often find out they're pretty darn happy with something else. When you find a girl you really like you will hopefully think she is nearly perfect just the way she is. 1
topaMAXX Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I feel that it's either that or be a loner for more years. It took me till the age of 24 (now I'm 27) to lose my virginity to a gf. Off course my ideal woman would have been an Adriana Lima but if I had been focusing on that, I would probably have still been a virgin by now. I don't think we have too many options and just have to get what's available. I'm starting to think that it's easier for a woman to find herself a decent man that's relationship minded and with no baggage (or very little) than for us to find that in a woman. I've only been in 3 relationships so far; the first ending because it ran out of course, the 2nd I get cheated on and the 3rd she breaks up suddenly, then I learned she's already with someone else within a short time. Now I've been single for many months and it's not easy finding a quality woman that would be worth proposing to and having kids with. I get the feeling most of the good ones are either already taken (either dated their HS sweetheart and married him later on or were simply snatched on time) or too young for me to date them. I think I'm going to just have to settle for any woman with baggages, compromise and simply only see the present. I don't want to be single for too long and do want kids. ONS wouldn't help in anything. I would still be single and lonely. I admit I'm kind of desperate at this point. I think in my desperate self, I would even eat a rotten sandwich. I'm close to giving up on the searching and simply get what I can get. You are correct. Women have it far easier, in general. I'm actually surprised that it took you this long to make that realization. I realized it when I was around 20. But there's no reason to stress about that. It is what it is. Just accept it and move on. 1
Author OldNavy Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 You know what OP? It's ok. I understand. People keep telling me I'm supposed to settle for guys with financial problems or substance abuse issues... or who slept around a lot... or used women... or are a lot older than me... I don't get it either. If you think you aren't going to be happy with someone who doesn't look like Adriana Lima or the equivalent, then don't. What you choose to do with your life is your own business. Maybe you can do like one of the posters here... make a bunch of money and buy hot escorts. That's an option too. It might take awhile though. I think he is in his 50's.I don't want a bunch of pointless ONS and still be single no where near forming a family. I'm looking for a decent, good looking and quality woman, the one I would happily proposed to, be there every single day with her; find her beautiful in every single way. To get an idea of what my dream girl (potential wife) would be like: 1) As beautiful as Adriana or similar 2) Has no baggage (or hardly any) nor wild partying past; has morals 3) Is a great cook (I'm a good cook myself too but would be a bonus if she actually liked doing that) 4) Great job or career-minded 5) Awesome personality and funny Sadly I haven't encountered any woman that had those qualities. She either had some except 1-3 or all except 2.
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