MartinDePorres Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 There's this girl that I work with (lets call her Haley) she's really attractive and married, and I too am married; but didn't paid much attention to her so just seen her while passing by on our daily routine at work. I only say "Hi" and she says "hi" back so that's pretty much what I say usually. So one day I decided to start a conversation to her and when I approached her and said "Hey, how are u?" , she said "Get....Out....Of...My...Way!" Yea she was upset about something wasn't sure what, but I knew she was upset. I know she doesn't like me because I'm 'different' than what she is used to being around with. Time went by and there were days she was upset. I kinda felt sad cause all these girls see her and don't even go over to her and ask what was wrong. I kinda have the need to get a bit closer to her and talk. Just have a conversation as friends. So after, about 3years later, I set up a fake facebook with someone else's pics and stuff but make it seem like I'm really close by and all. I found her on facebook and told her my name was (Fake) and seen her few times at a local restaurant where she does go sometimes, and that I was wanting to know a bit about her. So after several questions she asks about me I get her confidence and so we chat, and send txts, but never do we talk on phone. She tells me she is having problems with her husband, and I too share that I'm having issues with my wife. So we share some feelings on our personal lives and just talk. So far everything I've told her about me was very true, just that I did not tell her I work in the same department as her, and I have not told her my real name. So the only form that we have communicated has been through txting and messaging. I get emotionally attached to her But I can't love her as my wife. She (Haley) then tells me she is looking for a new man, that she tired of her husband always partying and drinking and never being there for her or their kids. So I explain to her something's on how can she help her relationship, but that she has tried all those things and he doesn't want to change. And that she is ready to leave him. One day I ask her what she was doing and she said she was going to see a male friend. I asked her what she knew about him and she explains to me he is living with his girlfriend and that he's a good man and that her girlfriend is good to her. I thought to myself, 'Well she's just going to go over and maybe hang out somewhere with him.' But come to find out she went over, and had sex with him. She tells me she enjoyed sex with him, and that they dated back in high school for a little while then went their separate ways. She explains to me that he says to her "I love you" and that his feelings towards Haley are very true and strong. I was very surprised that she was having an affair after being together with her husband since high school (they've had a relationship for about 10-14 years now). She tells me "it was wrong,...but I LOVED IT" and that she hopes her lover and her(Haley) be together in the very near future. And he knows his boundaries and loves her a whole lot. Of course I explain to her the moral views on the affair and that affairs NEVER WORK! Guys will do whatever, say whatever, to get whatever. But she denies that he(the lover) is unlike most guys and is a good hardworking man. I explain to her many possibilities of what could happen if she continued this, and that her lover is using her as a booty call. I explain to her that if she really did love her, he would respect her and respect the fact she is still legally married. Besides, HE (the lover) is also in a relationship. And whatever respect he did have for her, no longer exist because there can't be sex between friends cause once there is sex amongst "friends" the respect is lost and will never see each other innocently as friends and will never workout. So she goes off to see him for a few hours at a time whenever they do see each other has to be during the day. She's been seeing him for about 5 months. I tell her its not just immorally wrong, but that he is just using her for sex only. I ask her "has he ever asked you to meet him at a restaurant? or go somewhere other than his bed, where he probably few hours before you came in had sex with his girlfriend." She said to me "No, because He says, he wants to spend time with me alone." Sure he does, that is what an affair is.... is just extramarital sex without commitment to one another. I explain to her "So, you come in, he closes the door... then starts to touch you, caress you,...maybe a little foreplay, then HOT SEX!? And afterwards he may talk with you about whatever for just a little bit, and not even some cuddling. right?" She knew I was right, so I explained, "pretty much you come over, kiss, then hot sex and kiss goodbye until next time. Then the next time you come over, ya'll have hot sex, maybe a chat, and kiss goodbye until next time... Then the next time you come in, the very same kissing and hot sex, then kiss goodbye.... same routine over and over. You see him from what? 9a-1pm maybe? Only a few short hours??" By this time she is really mad because I made her feel that I was judging her but in fact I was trying to help her see the reality of the affair. Because she is afraid to talk to him and have a conversation about their future togetherbecause she might scare him away, yet she tells me the Lover's feelings are very strong and true to her......??? But anyways.... Just a few days ago, Haley tells me her and the husband had a discussion and that she told him She was leaving because he has treated her like trash. And that if he'd spent more time with her and their children, she'd be more intimate with him. So he agrees and accepts the fact that he needs to improve his behavior with her. So, I feel like my mission is somewhat accomplished. She hasn't mention to me she stopped talking with her lover, even though its been 2 weeks since they last seen each other, much less she hasn't told me she is going to stop seeing him. What I need advice is this, since I started to talked to her under a different name and 'person', is it time to reveal my true self? Or should I continue being her fake Facebook friend? She does tell me she enjoys chatting with me and that I've helped her a lot and its good to have someone to talk and listen to. So should I remain "hidden" or tell her who I really am? The guy she doesn't like, that works in her department? I know once I do tell her who I am, she will be very very very mad and perhaps will not even make eye contact with me when I see her at work. I do want to continue chatting with her but I know it won't be like this forever. What do you all recommend I should do? Thank you all for taking the time to read this. And God Bless.
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