Guinevere04 Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Crap!! I am crazy about this guy and I am confused now. I am a tightwad and very worried about my credit and things like that. When we go out he is the type that wants to by everyone a beer and buy the most expensive drinks, etc. I am thinking, it's his money let him do what he wants. He just bought a boat from one of his friends with his tax refund and he lives in a house that is paid for because it was his grandmother's. He drives an older model Lexus and just put in a serious sound system. I don't care about material things all that much, but maybe he does. Anyway, my point is, I am thinking that he must not have that many bills so that is why he can spend money like he does? Well I do payroll for a doctors office and one of the girls from collections called me because her printer was jammed while printing collection letters about a month ago (they always call me for tech difficulties no matter how small). So when the letters started running again, I'll be durned if my man's name didn't run on the next stinking collection letter, address and all. I about crapped in my pants. He was being turned over to collection for $236 and the office won't see him anymore. Now he KNOWS that I work here but he knows that I only do payroll and have no access to patient info so I wouldn't have normally known that, but it has bugged me so bad for the last month. I mean, he is so generous and almost gives money away, I just don't understand why he wouldn't pay a drs bill that small. So then, just a little while ago, I will admit, it was driving me nuts, court records are public record and our city and county records are on the internet so I looked him up. I couldn't stand it. And he had a judgment for $5000 back in December and a $7000 garnishment pending coming up in April. He is recently divorced but you would think it would have her name on it too? I pray that has something to do with it, since they aren't officially divorced yet but the drs bill is only his, nothing to do with her. I just don't know what to do. I think he is so wonderful in every way but I want to say something so bad. I honestly just stumbled upon the first info but he would be so mad if he thought I looked him up with the rest. Maybe when their divorce is final she has to pay him for part of it, but I won't know unless I ask and either way, it's ruining his credit. Something like that is important it we have a future. Shoot!!!! I don't know what to do. It would be different if he didn't appear to not have money problems. I am recently separated too but there is no denying that I am just barely getting by, but a garnishment? Man. He must just be bad with $. I just don't know if I should say something and take a chance of totally ticking him off but I could help him organize or whatever he may need to do. Some people have the $ just don't know how to pay bills. I just care so much about him that this is killing me.
tiki Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Ask him and be honest. Just be careful of HIPAA, if he's a smarty pants and knows the in's and out's.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Well he could be sewing his wild oats after a bad marriage - spending money carelessly is one sign. However seems to me the judgment and garnishment could be related to the divorce/soon to be ex wife in which case he may just be spending it before she can get it! I don't think I would confront him, but I would be very concerned especially if things get more intense with you. You don't mention how long you've been dating, etc. so I am guessing it is still early stages, way too early for financial discussions. Keep your guard up and your eyes peeled!
Author Guinevere04 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 We have known each other about 6 months and been dating about 4 months. I strongly feel that there is a future with us. I wouldn't be worried about this if I didn't feel like it may affect me/us one day. He probably doesn't know a lot about Hipaa so, I think I am safe there. Even if he got totally ticked at me, he would never persue that. Like I said, though, that info about the collections fell into my lap. The other stuff about court, is public knowledge. I just want to ask because I know there has GOT to be a reasonable explanation but I would hate for him to think that I am just being nosey. Things are so good, that this really wouldn't be enough for me to stop seeing him and I guess that's what matters. (unless the reason is just complete immaturity and craziness about spending money??)
SoleMate Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 This is a really serious issue if you hope for a future with this man. It deserves to be discussed if you two are thinking marriage, even down the road. I wouldn't even bring up the info you have, though. I would just start a discussion about financial matters, tell him your situation (credit rating, etc.) and ask about his. If and when you ever married such a person (I wouldn't), you will have to be in charge of all the finances, otherwise he will likely impoverish you.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 yes a persons financially sense is important for a future together! my ex used to criticise me for not currently having a job ( despite me wanting to start self-employment this year! ), i am better educated than she is, she is a teacher but i did a post-grad and have professional exams too i'll convert my currency into dollars for you... i have around $4000 debt to my name from my student days, at one time she was in $50000 debt due to her shopping habits etc. and is still paying it off this would have cropped up as a serious issue in the future... i can make a little money go a long way and she was always in the red even with her teacher salary and living in her parents!
Author Guinevere04 Posted February 2, 2005 Author Posted February 2, 2005 Still talking about buying his friend's boat last night. It just really confuses me. I think I will just start up a conversation one day when we have a lot of time to get into it and not tell him what I know, like SoleMate said. It has put such a damper on things for me and I hate it. He is so special to me. I just want an explanation. Oh, and yesterday he said he wanted me to find a Broadway show for us to go see in NY. I think it is sweet but I can't get but so excited. I didn't have much of a reaction and he said, did you hear me? I felt terrible. Thank you all.
tiki Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 And tell him he can get a free credit report once a year at freecreditreport dot com.
Topper Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Is he good at making money? I mean does he have the ability to earn good money? Is he an Entrepreneur? For most of my adult life I have been self employed and had the ability to make some very good money. Now my big problem is I just can't manage money! I mean i have it and I spend it sad but true. i could justify buying a $35,000 pick up truck because i needed it for the business it would bea write of etc... same goes for but a 2nd car, i needed that to take clients out in. Miltie millionaire might not like the Idea of going to a up scale place for lunch in a pick up truck. I do love my toys new skis at least 3 pair a season. That could run about $2,500 new jacket and ski pants at least a $1000.00 lift passes and so on . New golf clubs green fees, Concerts Foot ball Games. Buying my crew drinks on Fridays and like your guy buying drinks and dinner all the time. One of the things that i would love is to find a woman who was good with money and knew how to manage it. One thing I would never do with your new man is tell what you found out! He will be out the door so fast you won't know what happened. Instead tell him you want to help him he needs to get on a budget and stop all the buying drinks etc... Show him how much you care and how good with money you are. Tell him you do see a future and that he needs to show that he can plan for that future by putting some money aside.
Topper Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Is he good at making money? I mean does he have the ability to earn good money? Is he an Entrepreneur? For most of my adult life I have been self employed and had the ability to make some very good money. Now my big problem is I just can't manage money! I mean i have it and I spend it sad but true. i could justify buying a $35,000 pick up truck because i needed it for the business it would bea write of etc... same goes for but a 2nd car, i needed that to take clients out in. Miltie millionaire might not like the Idea of going to a up scale place for lunch in a pick up truck. I do love my toys new skis at least 3 pair a season. That could run about $2,500 new jacket and ski pants at least a $1000.00 lift passes and so on . New golf clubs green fees, Concerts Foot ball Games. Buying my crew drinks on Fridays and like your guy buying drinks and dinner all the time. My ex gave little thought to my spending as long as she didn't have to think how she would pay for her Dept Store bills. The once a week house cleaning lady and the Guy to do the yad work. One of the things that I would love is to find a woman who was good with money and knew how to manage it. One thing I would never do with your new man is tell what you found out! He will be out the door so fast you won't know what happened. Instead tell him you want to help him he needs to get on a budget and stop all the buying drinks etc... Show him how much you care and how good with money you are. Tell him you do see a future and that he needs to show that he can plan for that future by putting some money aside. Gain his trust and don't put to many restrictions on him. Who knows in the long run the two of you could make a real fiscal power house.
Houdini's Sweetie Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Guinevere, don't you see how odd it is that you were called in for a paper jam and it just so happens that the first letter you lay eyes on is HIS? I believe many unorthodox and esoteric things, one of which is the existence of an information network far beyond our own senses and well steeled against mere human deceit. Whether I call it "the spirit world" or "coincidence" or some aspect of yourself which can manipulate the world around you, the bottom line is the same: you found out something about this man which he has not told you and which you didn't have to dig to find out. Moreoever, it gave you information on a subject on which you have very definite ideas: money. Although others have suggested it has something to do with his ex-wife, you don't know that his misuse of money may well be the reason he's now divorced. This information is a gift. Use it well. It's your future.
kitkat826 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Watch out Topper, there might be some gold diggers 'round here who'd love to help you manage your finances...
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 It's what's in his heart that matters, how he treats you. Not his FICA score. This thread is old, so the original poster probably doesn't have this issue anymore but just as a subject of debate... I don't agree with you here and I don't think my brother's ex wife would agree. He's so bad with his money that he doesn't even pay his utility bills. She had to get his credit and debt in order when they were married. Now he's always looking to borrow money and he makes as much if not more than I do. Poor financial skills reflect irresponsibility. You might not have a high credit score because you were irresponsible in college and it's still there even though you're responsible now. But if you were still that irresponsible, had massive depts but kept charging up the credit card, do you think your partner should just overlook that? I don't think so unless they want the burden of having to be your keeper where money is concerned.
noclobber Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 i second you Star Gazer! Guinevere04, i think all that u really care about is this man's money and his credit history and not his personality and character. why don't u also run a criminal back-ground check and see what u find??? u r a gold-digger!! gosh star gazer, i am in the same situation as u r. i am from a different country and didn't know much about the credit system here. i was a bit careless too when i was in the univ. and so my credit history is bad right now. i am making regular payments ever since i got a job and i do hope that it would improve. but really i wasn't that worried about it but now i am shaking!!! never even imagined that women wud consider FICA scores.. hopefully i won't meet people like Guinevere04..
megabit15 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 This thread is old, so the original poster probably doesn't have this issue anymore but just as a subject of debate... I don't agree with you here and I don't think my brother's ex wife would agree. He's so bad with his money that he doesn't even pay his utility bills. She had to get his credit and debt in order when they were married. Now he's always looking to borrow money and he makes as much if not more than I do. Poor financial skills reflect irresponsibility. You might not have a high credit score because you were irresponsible in college and it's still there even though you're responsible now. But if you were still that irresponsible, had massive depts but kept charging up the credit card, do you think your partner should just overlook that? I don't think so unless they want the burden of having to be your keeper where money is concerned. Yeah, let's debate it anyway You're absolutely right crzy_grl. A marriage is a financial partnership - all romantic notions aside. She would be legally responsible for 1/2 of his debts accumulated in their marriage. (at least in the states) Finances are also one of the leading causes of conflict between spouses. Conflict often leads to divorce. Not a responsibility to take lightly by either party.
HotCaliGirl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 First of all, I don't think anyone in a serious relationship should proceed to considering marriage until both parties share their credit reports with each other, becuase once you are married, what is his is yours and what is yours is his. If one party is unwilling to, then they have something to hide, which is a red flag. I look at credit reports all the time, and sometimes the more money someone has or makes, the more in debt they are. Other times they are careless and just so busy that they forget to pay bills, and someone like you could take care of that for them if you get married. Sometimes someone might think the medical bill was mischarged or overcharged - medical collections are the most common items on credit reports. It's not like he charged up these credit cards and is listing them as "lost" or filing bankruptcy or has a pattern of not paying people - actually you don't know these things because you haven't looked at his credit, which is exactly what you need to get permission from him to do to find out if you're wasting your time with him, or if there are things he may just need help correcting or paying that he's been too lazy to take care of becuase of his lack of responsibilities and free-spending style, or whatever...but these are important things not to ignore. It's surprising how so many people do though! Is the garnishment for spousal or child support he owes? What are the details? It's funny how people talk about the weather or their favorite sex position ad nauseum but other important things like finances, they stick their heads in the sand and hope for the best...
crazy_grl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 but really i wasn't that worried about it but now i am shaking!!! never even imagined that women wud consider FICA scores.. hopefully i won't meet people like Guinevere04.. Since I don't think she's around to defend herself anymore: The original poster wasn't talking about FICA scores. She was talking about CURRENT wage garnishments totaling $12,000 and a current collection letter. You don't have to be a gold digger to not want to deal with somebody else's financial problems. After all, their massive debt could become yours once you're involved. Why willingly bring that kind of hardship on yourself?
noclobber Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 thanx crazy_grl!! it does sound reasonable but at the gut level its kinda disturbing. on the same lines why don't we also demand each other's medical records to make sure that we both are "clean"? i guess that's an even bigger thing than money. i don't want to be the one suffering from some diseases that i obtain from my partner... but in reality how wud u feel if the guy u date asks u to provide him ur medical records?
megabit15 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 thanx crazy_grl!! it does sound reasonable but at the gut level its kinda disturbing. on the same lines why don't we also demand each other's medical records to make sure that we both are "clean"? i guess that's an even bigger thing than money. i don't want to be the one suffering from some diseases that i obtain from my partner... but in reality how wud u feel if the guy u date asks u to provide him ur medical records? Um...you do ask them about when their last HIV test was, don't you?
HotCaliGirl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 thanx crazy_grl!! it does sound reasonable but at the gut level its kinda disturbing. on the same lines why don't we also demand each other's medical records to make sure that we both are "clean"? i guess that's an even bigger thing than money. i don't want to be the one suffering from some diseases that i obtain from my partner... but in reality how wud u feel if the guy u date asks u to provide him ur medical records? My last boyfriend asked to see my medical report which I showed him, and he showed me his...down the road we shared our credit reports too. I now hold that standard should I get into another relationship - it just depends on what you want and what you are willing to settle for and feel comfortable not knowing about or willing to risk.
crazy_grl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 it does sound reasonable but at the gut level its kinda disturbing. on the same lines why don't we also demand each other's medical records to make sure that we both are "clean"? i guess that's an even bigger thing than money. i don't want to be the one suffering from some diseases that i obtain from my partner... but in reality how wud u feel if the guy u date asks u to provide him ur medical records? I see your point in that you should trust your partner, but if I had a reason to be suspicious, I probably would ask him for them. (Like if he had what seemed to be visible symptoms but denied having an STD.) If a guy asked me for my report instead of just taking my word, I'd probably show them to him, but he'd have to show me his too. At least that way we could both be certain. If you're given a reason to suspect your partner is in debt and has poor financial skills (such as seeing a collections letter), I think you're justified to check them out, especially if they're throwing money around. And I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for both financial and health status immediately prior to marriage. I know there are couples who go in for STD testing together right before they tie the knot.
HotCaliGirl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 And I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for both financial and health status immediately prior to marriage. I know there are couples who go in for STD testing together right before they tie the knot. Prior to marriage would be too late for STD tests unless you were not being sexually active...also why get emotionally involved only to later find out the person you're with has more debt than you could ever imagine paying off - it's not like it will be tattooed on his forehead, so for me to wait to find all this out way later in the game would be too late, as I wouldn't feel comfortable from the beginning not knowing. Most likely he will have nice cars and clothes and living beyond his means, even if he has a good job, because the more someone makes, the more they spend - so it will take five minutes to learn the truth, unless you want to risk, gamble and stick your head in the sand, especially that type of irrisponsible spender is going to be the last type who would volunteer this information to you without you demanding to know. I'm just coming from the point of view of someone who looks at credit reports and matching job descriptions and all the other info. for a living to qualify them for fancy big houses, and it's like opening a can of worms sometimes.
noclobber Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 ok, i think i am ruined already!!!!! i am from India, i came to this country 6 yrs ago to do my Master's degree. unfortunately i got caught in the recession and was without a job for a very long time. that was when i HAD to use my credit cards and found myself in a financial mess. my credit history is very bad now.. my FICA score is only 560 for the past 2 yrs i have been re-paying my debt since i now have a job. but will that change the past? NO! i am currently hanging out with a woman and i feel that she likes me... i told her about my credit problems but i did not tell her about my FICA scores.. the main thing is, this woman works in a credit-card company!! i think the moment she learns about my poor score she will just run away..... gosh i think i will lose her b'cos of my financial irresponsibility
megabit15 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 ok, i think i am ruined already!!!!! i am from India, i came to this country 6 yrs ago to do my Master's degree. unfortunately i got caught in the recession and was without a job for a very long time. that was when i HAD to use my credit cards and found myself in a financial mess. my credit history is very bad now.. my FICA score is only 560 for the past 2 yrs i have been re-paying my debt since i now have a job. but will that change the past? NO! i am currently hanging out with a woman and i feel that she likes me... i told her about my credit problems but i did not tell her about my FICA scores.. the main thing is, this woman works in a credit-card company!! i think the moment she learns about my poor score she will just run away..... gosh i think i will lose her b'cos of my financial irresponsibility Probably not, if you are honest with her...Credit checkers can tell when the last late payment was, so it is obvious if it was a past condition or a current one. It only takes a couple of years to rebuild credit.
Author Guinevere04 Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 I did bring up the topic, finally. It's been so long, I swear I don't even remember how I did. I never mentioned what he owed the clinic though and he had to go to the clinic for a sinus infection and he called me all upset because he owed them money and didn't know. He said he paid the amount in full, in cash. I looked it up, of course and he had. As far as the garnishments, it was just as I expected, a joint bill with his ex-wife. It was in both of their names but she isn't working, he was the co-signer, the bill went to her and when she didn't pay it, they ended up taking it out of his check. He didn't feel he should pay for it because it was truly her bill but since his name was on it and she had no income, they had to take it from him. He got several bills but felt very upset about paying it and before he knew it went to the court for garnishment. He is going to let it come out or possibly pay it off and then take her to court for half once her sorry tail starts working. Other than these things, I still find no faults in him after 14 months and feel better now that I know. I do think that I would probably need to have my hand in any finances that we would have together if we comingled our funds! He has toned down buying his buddy drinks and ended up not buying the boat! I've taught him that the things on sale are just as good as the full-priced things. Tightwadhood isn't so bad!
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