KaliLove Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I feel that girls are disgusted when they see me. I'm not overweight, I'm healthy, I dress well and have good hygiene. I feel that the reason I get rejected so many times is because they don't like my face. I have the confidence to ask girls out but it just gets annoying when every single time it results in failure. I can't change the way I look and it seems that every girl that I approach shows disinterest and it's disheartening. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm almost 21 years old, is that sad? Then I see some guys who are trying to get with the girls I like... I can't compete against these guys, I don't have a chance if a girl were to decide between me or them... They're taller, better looking, ripped body, etc... Should I just stick to ugly girls who are more 'in my league'? That's how I feel right now. It's not your face, it's your attitude that's ugly.
AnthonyLorenzo Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) I'm new here but I would like to help if I can. I have been reading as many forums as I can find about this very subject. Most people on here have good advise and even great advise. But with that said, it is all still very confusing for soooooo many guys out there. I was one of them. One of the biggest challenges I faced was the posts about being more confident. You see many posts about "You just need to be more confident!" WTF!! No one ever clearly explains HOW to do this. Not that I have found yet. A lot of guys understand what confidence is, but a whole lot more have no clue what it means. For me, confidence is being ok with having flaws. Every person on earth has flaws. The things like "I have bad acne" or " I am overweight and people have made me feel bad about it all my life". These beliefs are in many cases paralyzing issues that may feel like there is no way you can ever get past them. Totally understandable. To get through this issue for myself, I went through a lot of steps, but one of the biggest things for me was really understanding exactly whats happening when you interact with a lady. Confidence is shown when you can talk to a lady like she is already your friend. Like you have been friends for a long time. An example would be, if you have a person in your life that you consider "close" and you have no problem being your absolute self with. Like a brother or sister or best friend. It could even be an old friend you haven't talk to since grade school. The state of mind you are in with that person is "Your Natural Self". This is your confident self. That state is where you should be when you are interacting with a lady, or anyone for that matter. I know that is easier said than done. One of the things I did to get to that state of mind is take more manageable steps. Go out with a friend to a place you both consider comfortable. Somewhere you can just hang out and talk. This works great at a restaurant. Talk about things that happened in the past or funny things you did during the week. Share youtube videos. Something to get you in a "friendly" state of mind. Something to get you both laughing. Then when the waitress or waiter, doesn't matter which, gets to your table, try to get their opinion on the subject you are talking about or even get them involved in your conversation. Practice treating them like you have known them for a while. My point here is to find "manageable" steps that work for you to improve on your social dynamics. Something that gets you talking to more and more people. This is like steroids for your social life and once you learn it, you never unlearn it or lose it. So many of us give up after one or two failed attempts. I get it. Rejection sucks. Just try to remember, you are the only one that feels the rejection for more than a few seconds. You may feel like a complete failure for weeks or even months after a girl walks away from you, but she most likely won't even remember the interaction the next day. In fact you have most likely left her mind withing seconds of the interaction. She is not there to hurt you. Most of the time the rejection is "no response" and that is because it is awkward and there really isn't anything she can say back. For me this was a very hard thing to grasp, but I just kept trying different things to get comfortable interacting with people. My dating life changed a million percent when I actually figured this out for myself. I am not exaggerating either. I was pretty much in the same state as the OP and I went through living h*ll tying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Get out there and get better at talking with ladies. Even start with ladies you already know and you have no problem talking to if there is any. If not, try the restaurant thing and make sure you include waitresses. This is a good starting point because in effect they are approaching you. How much easier can it get. Don't hit on her, be her friend and don't be afraid to treat her like you have known her for years. Social dynamics is a learned skill. Good looks are just a confidence booster. If you don't have that, then you just need to use the other things you have to offer to boost your confidence. I hope this helps...... Edited April 16, 2014 by AnthonyLorenzo 1
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