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From The Beginning to Now

iDrumKing

By iDrumKing
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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Beginning: I was a wreck, I'll admit it. Why would someone who cared so deeply about me end things so abruptly? Questions upon questions I wanted to ask drove me to beg for a second chance. All I got was a the cold shoulder. And to think I was going to propose to her this summer... I was hurt. (Anything sound familiar? *cough cough... new dumpees*)

 

I thought 'Hey! Maybe if I write my freaking heart out on paper and send it too her, she'll understand and take me back!' I did that... Before I sent it though I thought about the pride and dignity I'd be giving away. Seriously... some of you new guys say those two things aren't a concern to you. That scares me. I ended up burning the letter. The girl I "loved" isn't the girl I loved anymore. She's no different than a stranger walking down the street. It was hard as hell, but I strived forward.

 

I new if I acted upon all of my feelings, right now I'd be thinking "WTF DID I DO THAT?"

 

 

Middle: Damn this time was tough. One of the hardest experiences ever for me. Everyday I thought about her. But with friends, family, and the LS COMMUNITY supporting me and hearing me out when I was down really helped. I didn't called her, text her, or anything. Day by day it got easier. I started to forget the good and bad times... seriously, it's crazy how a 2 years worth of memories becomes a blur. Her face faded into the crowd so to speak, I forgot what she looked like. So I took everyday as an opportunity to improve myself.

 

 

Now: I feel reestablished. Sure I have my days, but it's more of the feeling of "Hey I failed a test, but I'll do better next time," and some occasional F U days. I've lost 35 lbs. so look COMPLETELY different, got a new wardrobe, hairstyle, everything really. Basically I'm back to the way I was before this mess. Before she came in...

 

I'm nowhere ready to date, but I feel with this experience and new found "bullsh*t" radar, the future will look bright and I'll find someone who's worth it.

 

So too all, I thank you. I've never met you people and I probably won't ever, but to take the time out of your day and to help a stranger speaks volumes.

 

New dumpees, I know you're hurt, but read my experience. I know what you're going through. Don't come here thinking your situation is worse than every else's here. Sure every situation is different, but a broken heart is a broken heart. Listen to the advice given to you...

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4everalones Established Member

4everalones

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I started to forget the good and bad times... seriously, it's crazy how a 2 years worth of memories becomes a blur. Her face faded into the crowd so to speak, I forgot what she looked like.

 

She became a blur? Really? How long has it been since the breakup?

 

I still remember all the memories with exes from 10 years ago, I remember the details of their faces and even remember certain important conversations. Maybe I'm just cursed!!

 

Congrats on the progress :)

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ahthepain Established Member

ahthepain

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Great post.

 

How long did it take before you were able to wake up without it hurting thinking about her?

 

How long before you could go a day without thinking of her?

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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IDK, I'm glad you've made this progress. I know you were hurting a lot, and your post shows us that healing does come over time. Keep doing things that make you happy. :) I'm glad you didn't end up proposing to her--a broken engagement is no fun.

 

I wouldn't want to forget what my ex-fiance looks like, or about our memories together though. :) I'm sure that your memories with your ex are a part of you, even though you may not remember them (well).

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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She became a blur? Really? How long has it been since the breakup?

 

Almost 3 months! It's tough to remember the interactions we had together, the conversations we had, and the things that we did. Sure I remember bits and pieces, but not enough recall a specific day and time. Her face... honestly has vanished. I don't know if its the lose of attraction, but I had a photo of here but my nightstand. I looked at it and seriously, didn't who the f*ck I was looking at.

 

It kinda sucks though because there were things that I'd like to remember.

 

You're not cursed. I think every circumstance is different.

4everalones Established Member

4everalones

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Almost 3 months! It's tough to remember the interactions we had together, the conversations we had, and the things that we did. Sure I remember bits and pieces, but not enough recall a specific day and time. Her face... honestly has vanished. I don't know if its the lose of attraction, but I had a photo of here but my nightstand. I looked at it and seriously, didn't who the f*ck I was looking at.

 

It kinda sucks though because there were things that I'd like to remember.

 

You're not cursed. I think every circumstance is different.

 

That's amazing. I'm happy for you. Hopefully, I'll get there some day. It's been 3 months after my breakup and almost 2 months No Contact. Still hurts like day one, the memories and pain are still vivid and strong as ever :(

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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I wouldn't want to forget what my ex-fiance looks like, or about our memories together though. :) I'm sure that your memories with your ex are a part of you, even though you may not remember them (well).

 

Oh no doubt. Like I was telling 4ever, there are things I WANT to remember. She will always be a part of me, no matter how badly I was hurt.

 

You're right, it is a good thing I didn't propose yet. I can't imagine how much it hurts to go through that. Just remember I'm here for you.

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SunshineOnMe Member

SunshineOnMe

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If you are over her, why do you post about her?

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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I'm glad that are are some things you still want to remember, no matter how badly you were hurt. :) It wasn't all bad, and I'm glad you know that and aren't entirely focused on that. The genuine good stuff deserves to be remembered and not to be overridden by something bad that happened along the way.

 

And thanks for your support, as always. That last sentence made me tear up.

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sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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If you are over her, why do you post about her?

 

I don't think he was suggesting that he's completely over her. He wanted to show us his progress. He was hurting a lot for a while, and wanted to show us that healing does come with time (and making productive choices).

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SunshineOnMe Member

SunshineOnMe

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I understand, I just think it would make more sense to be over something then give advice.

4everalones Established Member

4everalones

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I understand, I just think it would make more sense to be over something then give advice.

 

It gives those of us who didn't make a progress yet some hope. He was suffering a lot, but he managed to be more happy and took care of himself. It's inspiring and motivating.

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sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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I think that when someone has gone through some healing, it's sensible to offer some pieces of insights into the process of that healing. Like 4everalones said, it's inspiring and motivating. It helps those of us who are hurting and who may feel like there's no end in sight for the pain.

 

Sometimes we think we're over something, we TRULY believe it, and then something happens... and we feel a pang of pain. Sometimes it can take months or years (or even never) to be fully truly over something, but you can still be in acceptance of it enough to function well, and to not be very affected by it like you once were.

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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Sunshine, I'm not "over" her. Reasons for my post is share my experience and remind others here that it does get better with time. It's probably the most cliche statement, but it's true.

Lifegoezon Established Member

Lifegoezon

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I understand, I just think it would make more sense to be over something then give advice.

It's part of the paying it forward process too. Updates on progress are as useful to others as advice from those who have totally moved on. IDK was in a lot of pain so its encouraging and reassuring to hear how far he's come. It's clear from his post that he still needs more time but he's doing better than some.

 

For me, it's also three months and there's no blurring, I remember everything so I just try not to. It gets easier. I'd say I stopped waking up thinking about him after the first month NC. Now he crosses my mind on and off daily but there is no pain attached unless I dwell on it. It's within my control.

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KevinC Established Member

KevinC

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Your last thread from march 31st stated that you were hurt and angry, be weary of thinking you are mostly healed in such a short period of time. Im not saying you are not but i have had periods where i thought i was doing great until something happened to bring me back to reality and realized i was not as far along as i thought, good days give you that impression until the next bad day.

 

I sincerly hope you are doing as well as you say, i just dont want to see a new thread in a couple days that you are back in the dumps.

 

Good luck i wish you continued succes.

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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I sincerly hope you are doing as well as you say, i just dont want to see a new thread in a couple days that you are back in the dumps.

 

Thank you KevinC for stopping by. I'm not over the situation, but I've progressed far from where I was which is my intentions with this thread. I think about her from time to time but I also look at the effort in which I put in to move on. I am better off. Emotionally and physically. That keeps me looking forward.

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sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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KevinC, I think that we go through periods of doing well, and then sometimes we fall back down again. But as we go through these ups and downs, we find that the "down" periods get shorter and shorter over time, if we're choosing to do what is healthy for us. So it's okay if IDK or anyone else falls down again. We know that we've gone through some healing and that we'll get back there again. We just need to face whatever it is we need to face, then get through it. We know that healing will return, stronger than before.

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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I am bursting with pride for you now :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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No offense, but I have to agree with KevinC. As someone who has been on here religiously for over a year, you still are a new dumpee. You have just begun this battle and will be fighting for quite a while longer. I hope things are as under control as you are stating, but I would be surprised. Especially with the dreaded 3 month mark approaching. Be warned, this may not be as it appears. Not trying to rain on your parade, but your post makes me very nervous for you...

Edited by mtnbiker3000
guest572 Established Member

guest572

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I've been down for 3 months and am celebrating my first few not-so-hideous days.

somecamel Established Member

somecamel

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It's nice to see you being positive drum, I'll echo what Kevin has said as well. I'm at around the same stage as you, havn't seen her since Beginning of January and I'm much much much better than where I was back then but I don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm completely over her.

 

I still have times (not days anymore) when I think of her and what she done. I was looking for closure and some kind of understanding as to why she done what she done but I'm never going to get it.

 

Stay strong brother and continue to keep us all updated:)

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bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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No offense, but I have to agree with KevinC. As someone who has been on here religiously for over a year, you still are a new dumpee. You have just begun this battle and will be fighting for quite a while longer. I hope things are as under control as you are stating, but I would be surprised. Especially with the dreaded 3 month mark approaching. Be warned, this may not be as it appears. Not trying to rain on your parade, but your post makes me very nervous for you...

 

 

 

Still lets hope we get positive surprise : ))) weirder things have happened

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