ScaredAlien2 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I'm back! So the trip to Cali was awesome! I even made out with a girl. It was nice to be genuinely wanted by someone. But....she wouldn't stop hitting me up, calling texting and trying to FaceTime everyday. I eventually folded and heard her out(I know, damnit alien). I needed to hear I guess.. Maybe impulsive She told me everything. She was with me to try and forget to ex. She really did love me but never took the time to get over him, and instead tried to ignore it. Well eventually those feelings came back and she acted. She said she could never be with him, she was trying to change herself to be with him and to make him happy. While she could beg completely comfortable with me. I showed her what she wants in a relationship and she's so upset with herself for taking me for granted. She told me she's confused yet again. She wants to be with me but wanted to be alone for a while to get over him completely. I asked her why she was telling me this. She said I deserved to hear. The last time I spoke to her I told her I think she's just talking to me because it's comfortable and things didn't work out with them. And she doesn't actually love me. She said she thinks she does but wants to be mature and take time to think. I feel like a doormat LS. I want her but hate her. I told her there is no way we could be together again. The pain was too much and the way she treated me was too ****ty. I found myself giving her an opening. Told her she would have to prove it to me and fight and extremmely uphill battle to win me back, even with all odds against her. I am done fighting. And am going to continue to try and move on. Im lost, confused by my actions as well. I obviously still care deeply for her and can honestly still see myself with her. But the history is set. How could she prove it to me? Embarrass herself on her hands and knees? (Which would be awesome to deny her after, insert evil face) my thought are it's done but I'm holding onto hope. I feel like she was mature as hell figuring this all out and telling me, but I also feel like I'm being sucked in because she's comfortable with me in the now. Argfhhhs. I wish she would have just left me alone. Well, tell it to me straight LS. My stance is firm for now but how could she prove it to me? Part of me feels like if she did we would be better than ever (I have a messed up ability to forgive and compassion for peoples situations so I don't fault her for treating me badly) she had her issues which is fine but no right to treat me that way. Thanks and sorry for the wall of text.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Thank you. I will read it. Keep in mind she told me she wants to be with me but doesn't want to subject me to hurt that's why she's taking time to herself. A 180 IMO. Gotta stay strong here is guess. Henandnmamanns I am so angry
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