kellkell Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Been with my boyfriend just over a year now. He is threatened by everything and it's becoming unbearable. He is my first relationship and were both 21 this year. I've always been loyal to him also. But he is threatened by everyone in my life. Even going to see a friends band is a problem. Everything has been made into some sort of extreme in his mind,no wonder he gets upset.I invite him and try and involve him but he declines my offers. Is there anyway around this? Why is he doing it? Is it ever going to stop...
Strength in Healing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Talk to him about it, say you are going to break up if this behavior continues. Rest assured, the behavior will continue, because generally, people don't change. But at least you have the comfort after the fact of telling yourself you warned him. This could be a case of projection -- he could be talking to other women or cheating, and projecting it to you.
ThatMan Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I'll continue with your plans for that concert if I were you. I think the only way you'll get around this is if he agrees to look at things differently. He needs to decide for himself that this is a painful way to live for him to make some changes. It might be a good idea to talk with him and ask as many questions as possible to help both of you figured out where all this insecurity is coming from. Maybe it'll click with him that there's room for compromise.
Quiet Storm Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 He has anxiety. He probably thinks that others will influence you, or that you will meet someone you like better than him. Those feelings make him uncomfortable. Instead of learning to tolerate or cope with the feelings, he tries to alleviate them by controlling you. A person like this can be exhausting. Constantly having to reassure someone gets old. It kills the joy eventually because you either give up things you like, or you face his guilt trip. Tell him how much its affecting you, and how you love him but he needs to get a handle on his anxiety. Instead of being threatened and trying to control, he needs to find healthy ways to cope.
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 It's his issue. He has to get over it & he might not be able to. If you don't want to put up with it -- & I wouldn't -- the only option may be to break up. I dated a guy like this. I told him I love you but I can't stand this. I'm not going to stop living my life because you are too insecure to know I won't cheat on you. If you don't stop I'm leaving. He didn't stop. I left & never looked back.
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