starla33 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 So as a female I always seem to be the one after 2 dates or so asking the guy out. I don't mind this at all since I absolutely hate waiting around for them to contact me, but then they seem to get used to this and I can never tell if they are interested in me or it's just convenient for them. Not sure what to do in this case since it gives me super bad anxiety to just wait around and see if I hear from them. I also don't like to end up being the one initiating most(not all) of the conversations which it ends up as.
Damaged217 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You won't get bad anxiety if you have a life and don't wait around for the guy to call. Don't be the one asking the guy out. If they like you enough, they will do the asking, and if they are mature and don't play games, they will do so in a timely fashion.
Assasda Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You should try to have a life of your own, and dont project so much on the men in your life. Be patient and they will contact you
KatZee Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Honestly, you just have to get over the anxiety. You HAVE to wait. You absolutely cannot be the one contacting the guys to go out with them just because you're too impatient for them to reach out to you. You are ruining the chase for the guy, and this turns guys off. Guys WANT to chase women they are interested in. They WANT to pursue. You're taking away all chances for the guy to do that and thus, you already said it, you will never know if they are interested in you or just hanging out b/c you're convenient. 2 dates is nothing. Guys don't jump all over wanting to be in a relationship and having something so consistent after a mere 2 dates. You need to give them time to let it sink in, let them get to know you, play it cool. I can tell you're an obsessive kind of personality. Turn your thoughts towards yourself and do something for yourself. Go for a run, get your nails done, see friends... You don't want to have things turn out where you're always the one initiating, and as you can see, based on your behavior, you ALWAYS wind up being the one initiating. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Time to completely sit back and let the guys do the leg work here.
nerdlingZA Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 My Ex was exactly like u , always contacted me first , its turned me OFF , one of the reasons why we never worked out
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You can make the 3rd invite, that is not a problem, but you still need to let the man do his man's job and let him make the 4th one. Sounds like you are saying from the date 3 you do all the work. My advice is: don't. Also, I agree with the others to keep busy. At 1-2-3 dates you should still be online making contact with other dudes and exploring your other options. That will keep your mind busy and keep you from looking cligny.
BikerAccnt Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You are ruining the chase for the guy, and this turns guys off. Guys WANT to chase women they are interested in. Who makes up these stupid rules?
pickflicker Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Who makes up these stupid rules? It's not stupid, it's a fact. The vast majority of men want to do the chasing. I've seen it time and time again. The one's that don't, are in the minority. And since they're in the minority, a girl doesn't have to worry if she's "missing out". It's biology. As a woman, I am guaranteed more dates if I let him do the asking, and focus being an enthusiastic, interesting, nurturing person - someone a man is period to call his own. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) I have to admit, it is sadly true that women PREFER men who chase and men PREFER women who don't. I don't completely understand why men are "threatened" by women who are more aggressive, but suggest that THAT is societal in nature. But gauging interest for women is mostly by the level of active interest a man shows/demonstrates. But that is initial. Ultimately and shortly after the "chase", the consistency and resumption of the level energy shown during the chase should not wane in the short-term or even medium-term. If it does, you see what he REALLY is. Starla, If I were you, unfortunately, I would wait for the guy to make the contacts. I mean, as much as some of us guys enjoy women who are proactive, most don't. I think that men who have CLEARLY shown that they are into you feel great about being with a woman who is proactive, but in the early stages LET THE GUY PROVE that he is wanting a committed relationship with YOU. Edited April 5, 2014 by soccerrprp
Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 So then don't initiate anymore. The only way you can see if you're worth initiating (on their part) is if you give them an opportunity to. I don't see how this is confusing for you lol
hackney Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am asking because I really don't know: What is enjoyable about chasing or being chased? How does it feel? I'm a male, a good looking one at that. I'm a social guy. I guess I like interactions to be back and forth, but then again that's all I've ever known. If I'm always initiating, then it feels one sided, or even demoralizing. One male friend I had, I am always the one calling and making plans. Eventually, I stopped calling him. Why would I act different around females? (Again, that is a very genuine question. Yes, I may be somewhat ignorant.)
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