waterwoman Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 After a year on maternity leave. And neither of us give a stuff! 7
jnel921 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I think you do...as you are mentioning it. Non important things are not worth mentioning. I guess you both can work cautiously.... 4
anne1707 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I think you do...as you are mentioning it. Non important things are not worth mentioning. I guess you both can work cautiously.... Depends. If it was she's back at work today and we are not bothered then maybe what you suggest. But if it is oh she has been back at work for a while and we have only just noticed that we haven't noticed.... Realising that something that was once important is no longer important is a big thing. Been there, done that when the xOM got married and it meant nothing to me until I realised how significant it was that it meant nothing to me. 4
gettingstronger Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Yeah you! Little victories on the road to healing.
Author waterwoman Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 I mention it because I was secretly worried that 1. H wouldn't tell me even though he promised he would. And I'd find out anyway. Then I'd have a decision to make. 2. H would be distracted and/or upset. 3. It would bother me to the extent that I'd feel the need to rake it all up again and ruin our weekend. None of that happened. I repeat neither of us gave a stuff. To my mind that WAS worth mentioning. Not quite sure how to proceed with caution regarding a fact that I cannot alter. She is back. H may have to deal with her. All I can do is trust that h will proceed with caution. 2
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 It was worth mentioning because you wanted to do an update so obviously posting about it, you're gonna talk about it a bit. doesn't mean you'll react to it physically or be upset and have a set back/trigger. Congrats on being indifferent and together you and your H have moved past it. 2
road Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I mention it because I was secretly worried that 1. H wouldn't tell me even though he promised he would. And I'd find out anyway. Then I'd have a decision to make. 2. H would be distracted and/or upset. 3. It would bother me to the extent that I'd feel the need to rake it all up again and ruin our weekend. None of that happened. I repeat neither of us gave a stuff. To my mind that WAS worth mentioning. Not quite sure how to proceed with caution regarding a fact that I cannot alter. She is back. H may have to deal with her. All I can do is trust that h will proceed with caution. The way to proceed is for your WH to get a new job so there will be NC.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 The way to proceed is for your WH to get a new job so there will be NC. That is the general recommendation although it is possible for former APs to work together, maintain NC in terms of anything beyond necessary work contact and for the affair not to resume. It does make recovery slower and harder but it can still be done. It requires very clear and absolute boundaries plus 100% transparency. It is not for everybody but it is an option for some - and only as long as the BS is prepared to go down this route.
Darren Steez Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You've banged someone, had an emotional connection, lied to maintain that contact... then all of a sudden you're only meant to maintain a strictly official capacity with each other..whilst ignoring.. The stolen glances.. The sheer knowledge the former AP is close by or you can hear their voice.. Even if talking in an official capacity, use of tone of voice (the way they used to talk to each other during the affair).. then again I'm a worst scenario kind of guy..maybe they'll just ignore each other
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You've banged someone, had an emotional connection, lied to maintain that contact... then all of a sudden you're only meant to maintain a strictly official capacity with each other..whilst ignoring.. The stolen glances.. The sheer knowledge the former AP is close by or you can hear their voice.. Even if talking in an official capacity, use of tone of voice (the way they used to talk to each other during the affair).. then again I'm a worst scenario kind of guy..maybe they'll just ignore each other As I say, not for everybody and it does make things harder but yes it can be done. I still work with the exOM and he is purely a work colleague to me. 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You've banged someone, had an emotional connection, lied to maintain that contact... then all of a sudden you're only meant to maintain a strictly official capacity with each other..whilst ignoring.. The stolen glances.. The sheer knowledge the former AP is close by or you can hear their voice.. Even if talking in an official capacity, use of tone of voice (the way they used to talk to each other during the affair).. then again I'm a worst scenario kind of guy..maybe they'll just ignore each other Not all WS have/keep a romantic view of their fAP or the affair. There actually are FWS, not just WS. 5
gettingstronger Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Ignore the nay-sayers- You are your H are in a different/better place than when he was vulnerable to this OW- hopefully she is as well- Keep on keeping on and enjoy what you have-
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