5105571 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I've been dating a girl for about a month. When we started talking about 5 weeks ago we had a rhythm of communication. Recently, after we had sex, the rhythm is gone. Sometimes she'll respond, sometimes she won't. We'll be in the middle of a text conversation, then she'll just stop. I'll tell her to call me when she's free, and she won't. When she finally gets back to me a day later she acts like nothing happened. Normally I would shrug it off, but she didn't always act this way. We have met up a few times since she started doing this and everything seems fine in person. This has annoyed me so much that I did the following things-- -I kept following up with her until she responds. Not an annoying amount, but it gets to the point where I feel like I'm chasing her down and she doesn't care. I know her schedule. She's not that busy. -I've talked to her about it. I mentioned she was acting different and she said "no everything is good, if I needed space I'd tell you." I brought it up a second time and she said she was confused after we had sex. I asked how so and she couldn't answer. I agreed to take it down a notch and let her know my intentions to explore the relationship avenue. That conversation ended well and we've been out 3 times since then. -I give her time to respond, but this just goes back to the status quo. She slept over on Wednesday (no sex) and was supposed to get back to me about our next outing. She texted me yesterday about 5 messages, then stopped responding. I called once, and she has yet to get back to me since yesterday. My options now are to pick a fight with her over this or give her a taste of her own medicine and stop responding to her. I'm leaning towards the last one because it will show me if she's no longer interested or playing games. Confronting her did me no good the last two times anyways. I Personally think she's trying to keep things from moving faster on purpose because she doesn't want to rush this. My other option is to just drop her completely, but that won't solve the problem, just end my irritation
veggirl Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I wouldn't bother fighting w/ someone I've been dating a month. Your 3rd option is to realize you are mis-matched when it comes to communication styles and decide if you can live with that or not. Obviously the on & off communication is her status quo, if it bothers you why not just find someone who keeps in touch more regularly? 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I've been dating a girl for about a month. When we started talking about 5 weeks ago we had a rhythm of communication. Recently, after we had sex, the rhythm is gone. Sometimes she'll respond, sometimes she won't. We'll be in the middle of a text conversation, then she'll just stop. I'll tell her to call me when she's free, and she won't. When she finally gets back to me a day later she acts like nothing happened. Normally I would shrug it off, but she didn't always act this way. We have met up a few times since she started doing this and everything seems fine in person. This has annoyed me so much that I did the following things-- -I kept following up with her until she responds. Not an annoying amount, but it gets to the point where I feel like I'm chasing her down and she doesn't care. I know her schedule. She's not that busy. -I've talked to her about it. I mentioned she was acting different and she said "no everything is good, if I needed space I'd tell you." I brought it up a second time and she said she was confused after we had sex. I asked how so and she couldn't answer. I agreed to take it down a notch and let her know my intentions to explore the relationship avenue. That conversation ended well and we've been out 3 times since then. -I give her time to respond, but this just goes back to the status quo. She slept over on Wednesday (no sex) and was supposed to get back to me about our next outing. She texted me yesterday about 5 messages, then stopped responding. I called once, and she has yet to get back to me since yesterday. My options now are to pick a fight with her over this or give her a taste of her own medicine and stop responding to her. I'm leaning towards the last one because it will show me if she's no longer interested or playing games. Confronting her did me no good the last two times anyways. I Personally think she's trying to keep things from moving faster on purpose because she doesn't want to rush this. My other option is to just drop her completely, but that won't solve the problem, just end my irritation Well you've already been screwing up by chasing and giving her the power... But maybe there's time to salvage. Really what I always do is give in return the amount of respect I'm given, from the onset. So yeah. If she takes a day to respond go ahead and take a day to get back to her. I know it's kind of tit for tat but maybe it'll help her not take you for granted. Or hell, maybe she's just losing interest and it'll be a good way for you to start to detach and not miss her as much.
Author 5105571 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 I wouldn't say this is her status quo. Like I said, she didn't use to do this. Only until after we did the deed, about a day or two later this all started. I agree on the fighting part though for sure, but that's the length I'd have to go to at this point.
Gaeta Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 My other option is to just drop her completely, but that won't solve the problem, just end my irritation Of course it will solve the problem. Then you will move on to someone who is sincere about getting to know you. This girl isn't interested in you why do you want to waste time? You have time to waste maybe? Listen, when you meet someone and you fit together it's not suppose to be difficult or confusing, it will go smoothly and naturally. I started dating someone 4 weeks ago as well and it's 110% enjoyable, fun, respectful, exciting, and all the good stuff. If it's annoying or confusing after 2-3 weeks you drop and go to next. 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Maybe it was bad sex? Or she started to feel attached after sex and is doing this to keep herself from getting too attached? Who knows for sure!
Author 5105571 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Possibly the bad sex. It went way too long the last time and she seemed to be annoyed by that, but I explained why and let her know it's not always like that. Perhaps she felt too attached. I decided to just call her. I left her a voicemail. If everything is okay with her I'm gonna end it. I don't want to play games with her. If this is normal for her I have to cut her loose.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I wouldn't say this is her status quo. Like I said, she didn't use to do this. Only until after we did the deed, about a day or two later this all started. I agree on the fighting part though for sure, but that's the length I'd have to go to at this point. Remember that you've only been dating her month, so you can't really determine what her status quo is yet. In any case, I would take a step back. Something seems to have changed for her and there's no point chasing after someone. If she wants to get in touch, she will.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Possibly the bad sex. It went way too long the last time and she seemed to be annoyed by that, but I explained why and let her know it's not always like that. Perhaps she felt too attached. I decided to just call her. I left her a voicemail. If everything is okay with her I'm gonna end it. I don't want to play games with her. If this is normal for her I have to cut her loose. What happened? Was there something she was uncomfortable with, or did she just seem bored?
Joaquin Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 She's just not into you. Find a girl who fancies the pants off you. This one isn't it. Stick around and all you’ll end up with is the....We've got to talk.. talk. 1
Author 5105571 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 What happened was it went way too long, and it seemed to be a bit uncomfortable. I'm convinced she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the attention and someone to date, but she's probably unsure of a relationship, st least with me. If she can't be upfront with me about that, then we can't continue.
RonaldS Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 She was hoping you would rock her world, and you didn't. But probably still made her feel good enough to keep you in the 'good enough' column. Like, you're not the outfit she'll wear to a wedding or a fancy dinner...you're the comfy pajama bottoms she'll wear when she's lying around on the couch. Next time you hook up with a girl, rock her world.
slizl Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I'm going with bad sexual chemistry...She spent the night at your house recently with no sex...dead giveaway
Recommended Posts