Brutus Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Hi everybody. I have been reading threads for a while, but as usually happens, I got the impression that my case is unique (surely I am not the only one who thinks so), so I decided to post. I have been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. I have been in love a few times before, but this girl was (and is) different. I felt like she was the one I have always been looking for, and she told me she felt like she has always known me. She was a bit hesitant in the beginning, scared of the distance, but eventually we got together, travelling together to different places, it was simply magic. I never felt so complete and happy in my life before, she inspired me and made me feel like every day was worth living. After one year we finally moved to the same country, although in 2 different cities (about 200 km away). We thought everything would have been easier and we were both excited. But we were wrong. Her life got increasingly busy, which made her very stressed and feeling like she had no time for herself. She started texting me less often, being more distant and colder. At the same time she got closer to a guy in her town, of which I gradually became more and more jealous. Things gradually escalated, she got more silent and superficial, which made me increasingly afraid, jealous and angry. She was often online, but did not intereact with me the way she used to. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping and could not concentrate at work. I wrote her a long email, explaining my fears, my jealousy and telling her not to take me for granted, because this would turn me into a person we both would not like. She said she is in a moment of crisis, of apathy, where nothing makes her happy, and that she needs time. She also reassured me that she was not interested in the other guy. We met the following weekend, and everything seemed fine… until “he” sent her a sms, which I read, clearly showing his intentions. I started to doubt of her words and did something shameful: I checked on her FB profile and found out she was hiding me something. I asked her and she confessed he tried to kiss her. I felt she broke my trust, I was badly hurt, so she decided not to see him again. She also claimed he was not the reason of her crisis, so I kept asking questions, feeling I was losing her without being able to do anything. When we met the following weekend I was completely broken and I let everything out. In tears I asked her if she still loved me and she could not answer, though she told me she cannot live without me. We agreed for a break to give her space, but she asked me to leave on the same day. We were both in tears. I was destroyed. Four days later (one month ago) she wrote me she realizes I cannot give her the time she needs, that it hurts her to see me so broken and that she cannot leave me in such a state. I told her I understood my mistakes, that my jealousy and acting needy only pushed her further away. She said I am right, but she is now simply too tired of the situation, that she is already collecting the pieces of herself. She asked to see me that weekend, but I was too shocked and I thought it would have been better not to. I was devastated, felt guilty and could not believe what had actually happened. I would have gladly lost everything but her. After one week NC she congratulated for my birthday telling me I am a great person. After a few more days of NC I felt the need to communicate with her. She was glad I wrote to her, said that I am a very big part of her life and she (still!) does not want to lose me. We agreed to try to restore communication. One week later she accepted an invitation to a party where that guy also participates, and another week later she posted some pictures of her visiting a friend, saying she had so much fun and is very happy. It was a spear in my heart to see how quickly she had moved on and how little I already meant to her. I wrote this to her and added that for my own sake I had to remove her from FB, not to be hurt over and over. And I did so. Then I realized it was selfish to want her not to be happy just because I wasn’t, I apologised and asked to finally meet. She understood my situation and agreed. The meeting was very hard. To see the person you love behind a glass wall is painful. We chatted casually; she initiated most of the talking and said she was glad to see me. I apologised for my recent behaviour, and told her that no one could ever replace her in my life. She said she was happy with me, but although she does not know why, now she wants to be alone. She asked me if we can talk sometimes but I explained I wouldn’t be able to be her friend, that this would just keep hurting me. I asked how she could leave me 4 days after telling me she can’t live without me. She answered: “I thought I couldn’t. I was puzzled to realize that I actually can.” She said that since she moved, between our meetings there was no life for herself, that she was tired of the distance (although we have never been so close!) and in case she has to go back to her home country, it would not have worked anyway. I asked if it would have been different if we had been in the same city, and she said yes. I contested that I do not believe that a 2.5 hours ride can be the reason, she said she does not know. She added that perhaps in 2 months she will realize she made a mistake, but now that’s how she feels. After that we went to a bar, established long eye-contact, joked and chatted as we used to, even hold hands. When we left she took my arm, rested her head on my shoulder and hugged me. Before leaving I told her I hope she will realize it is a mistake, she said she can’t promise me anything. Then she kissed me and disappeared. Since then we have no contacts whatsoever. I am confused, I do not know what to do. I am over the deep depression stage, but I still feel deficient without her. I know there will be no other person like her. I am afraid NC will just make it smoother for her to forget me, that she will soon be dating someone, but I know I should respect her wish to be alone and heal myself first. Distance makes everything more difficult unfortunately, and I doubt she will ever initiate contact. Sorry for the way too long post.
Strength in Healing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I know there will be no other person like her. Hopefully, brother, you're right -- let's hope you DON'T find another person who is willing to screw you over like this. You deserve better. Look how much you care. She doesn't seem to be in the same league. Perhaps you should realize you are the one with much to give, she is the one with much to lose. She is gone now, but perhaps you should ask yourself whether that's really a bad thing... because at the end of the night, remember, she did this to you.
Author Brutus Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Thanks for your reply. You are right, she is not (any more) in the same league. A female friend of mine even told me, she believes my ex will be worse off without me than me without her. At least my ego is not destroyed, I know i contributed greatly to the "magic" of our relationship, but for the time being, she is the one enjoying her life, and me the one suffering. She hurt me more than anyone could have ever done, but unfortunately for me, I can't stop loving her.
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