AtTheStart Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Ok, I'd posted my breakup previously...was empathetic to feelings changing, me making mistakes that reduced attraction, just that this wasn't the right time. Now Im becoming quite aware and empowered by the "my ex, no matter the positive thoughts I had for her and the positivity of the learning experiences in guiding my next relationship" her breaking up with me has afforded...ABSOLUTELY was she not the person for me. She ghosted! After 20 months. I totally get the "why" it ended...whether she was interested in someone else, conflicted about me, scared to hurt me, just fn done....really the "why" is totally irrelevant, it just happened. The "wow" of it, is that she just ghosted. Im realizing that modern culture and how people were raised absolutely breed a lack of courage, integrity, just decency. Again, I don't expect anything from her as she doesn't owe me anything. Just, Im at the point of "wow, holy crap, who was this person?" So information is empowering. Experience with ghosting? Been ghosted? Im NOT banking on it, but how to respond to a ghost (we have mutual friends so interaction is likely)? Im already NC. Kinda feeling a "big FU" at the moment but I don't want that to come across if I ever see her as that would provide her with an emotion...which she no longer should elicit from me of any kind. Whether real or not, I don't swing towards absolutes for explanations like GIGS, etc. But yes Ive definitely been ghosted. She still hangs out with mutual friends and mentioned how "she froze up" when she saw me driving. So have at it...ghosting? What/how/why? Girls have any opinion on it? What's the recommended course of action? Ill become one myself to her. One of the biggest "eureka" moments Ive ever had.
Author AtTheStart Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Plus I know it's bound that friends, family, others are going to ask me about this...the breakup. How do I get the negativity and "well she clearly has major character flaws so in no way was ever for me... so to start there's that" Im not trying to be bitter. Just being shocked by working through the process and focusing on me. Yeeeeeees, I realize mistakes I made to drive her attraction down and am learning from them. Im not blaming myself for those. Just saying all I can do is focus on me, objectively learn, and improve myself to attract the "right" type of person into my life.
iDrumKing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Er. What do you mean by ghosted? I think he means the act of "disappearing." Just my guess though...
Author AtTheStart Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Yes just "disappearing" I totally understand nothing is owed or it's just easier for her to "Im over it" or whatever the reason. But how does someone essentially say, "I value you so little now, that you're not even worth a "dont talk to me" "Im seeing someone else" "**** off" "I cant talk to you" after saying "we'll talk in a couple weeks after vacation" Im giving the space she wanted in droves....just "....." screams I have no integrity and no value to what you once were. It kinda feels like "actually I never valued you." Im not saying that is the case, just how it feels. I know people disappear if they have only been on a few dates....but how does someone do that to 2 years?
iDrumKing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 but how does someone do that to 2 years? It's just all about heart and how much of it they are willing to give someone.
Strength in Healing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Yeah, cut out that ghosting terminology. Sounds lame. Anyways, the fact is, in my opinion, many people on this forum are the better of the two in a relationship. Because they're here in heart wrenching pain, meaning they opened their heart and gave a true damn about a person. There are exceptions, but in nearly 100% of cases, if your ex drops you like you didn't matter, then you were not the one with the problems... (Exceptions of course would be if you (not just you but in general) were abusive, etc). 2
Author AtTheStart Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Agreed. Sorry, found the terminology on the interweb. I definitely wasn't abusive. Ever. The relationship scared her, she is 22. Felt trapped. Is pretty ****ed up in the head I am realizing as well. Had a ton of things I tried to fix, thought fixable. In confidence, would tell me "she doesn't have emotions like normal people do" But believably would project emotions, make me feel them, like love. Theeeeeeen, whatever mistakes I made to reduce attraction, **** it up on my end (not blaming, just acknowledging)...kablamo, "you're nothing". What's sick is getting to know me, she knows I am generally sensitive or at least hyperaware of peoples emotions. So just not even saying, "i can't talk to you" or "anything"....really just screams...I know Im twisting the knife.
Strength in Healing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) In confidence, would tell me "she doesn't have emotions like normal people do" But believably would project emotions, make me feel them, like love. Good God thank the stars you didn't end up with this one. That is a sign of MAJOR personality disorders... antisocial PD (psychopathy) is one. Holy damn, run dude. Edited April 4, 2014 by Strength in Healing
Author AtTheStart Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Im accepting this....it all slowly feels like "eureka". Could someone give me tools / suggestions to break from my feelings and RUN RUN RUN, NEVER LOOKING BACK from this. I don't want to analyze anymore I just want to run.
Strength in Healing Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Well, by realizing you are the prize between you two. Realize she was NOT the girl you created in your head -- ESPECIALLY not, in your case. Time has to do the rest. And make sure you don't break no contact.
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