stuckinthemiddle32 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Just looking for opinions on my situation. My wife hates my parents, but more so my mother, and wants nothing more to do with her. Not an unusual situation. But the problem i have is that she has forbidden me to take my two children 9 and 6 to see them. Says that if i take them over there again, that it will be the same as if i cheated on her??????. Background is that it has been a rollercoster of a marriage going on 10 yrs. Some yrs she has liked parents and other yrs not so much. Parents have not really done anything really wrong, not bad people. there only crime i would say is that there a little blue collar and not what the Mrs would call sophticated. There easy going unlike her parents who are very dont say or do the wrong thing or they want nothing to do with you. My parents have helped out in numerous ways over the yrs, from down payment on the house to furniture to trips paid for!!!!!. I am very close to my mother and have been since being very young. So this has hurt me a great deal, but i feel im being pushed into a corner and made to chose between the Mrs or my parents who are now in there 70s. I feel it is important for my children to have a relationship with there grandparents and that goes for any children. It is a very complicated situation. I know most will say family comes first and get rid of her. But how can you throw 15 yrs away. Any suggestions on any compromises.???????????
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 There IS no compromise here. Your wife is being manipulative, controlling and completely unreasonable. She has no right to impose conditions on you, your children or what you do. 15 years means nothing if they have not been good. In that time, calculate how many times you have been relaxed, happy, contented and comfortable in your relationship. THAT is a truer picture of how constructive and healthy this relationship is. And if that number is lower than "half the time" then you need to cut your losses and do what is right for your children. They have every right to have a stable relationship with their grandparents. I suspect your wife is poisoning their minds against your parents into the bargain. And that is wrong on every level. If you are constantly walking on egg-shells and trying to keep the peace, then this is putting an inevitable strain on your heart and health. This problem is big, will get bigger and is ultimately, intolerable. Do something. But do NOT leave things as they are, or believe you can reach a compromise. I don't see how you can, in this situation.
almond Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) You are not stuck in the middle - this is as much, or more, of an assault on you as it is on your parents. Stand up for yourself and your family, and your right to be treated fairly and with respect. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour from your wife. She clearly cares very little for you, to want to drive a wedge between you and your own parents. What a horrible thing to do. And to threaten you as a means to keep you from letting your own children see their grandparents? If you love someone, you don't try and cut them off from their parents. This is abusive and absolutely unacceptable. Seriously, you need to sort this. I'd be speaking to a lawyer re: custody and such and packing my bags quick smart. If things have happened as you say they have, then your wife is incredibly toxic and nasty, and you're much better off without her. You ask how you can throw away 15 years? Well, you do it so you don't have to live the next 15 as a miserable doormat, and a shell of a person. And with a wife that bans you from taking your own children to see your parents for no reason, that's exactly what you'll end up. How did it get to the point where she felt as though treating you this way okay? Have you been unable to set boundaries, or enforce your right to be treated with love and respect? What is going on in your relationship? What's going on with you? Sort all of this out, or you will end up suffering for your entire life. I recommend professional counseling. Good luck. Edited April 4, 2014 by almond
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