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What is "love"???

ebt100

By ebt100
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ebt100 Established Member

ebt100

Posted
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People advised me about a girlfriend I was having problems with, that--if I "loved" her--then it would be worth it to try to fix problems.

 

She told me she loved me, I said the same. Lots of people say that to each other.

 

What does that even mean?

 

Can you love someone, but actually dislike many things about them?

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice you make. It's the choice you make after you go through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And after all of that, you still want to come home to that person in the end.

 

Love isn't butterflies, love isn't that feeling of euphoria, that's all infatuation and lust.

 

Love doesn't mean you love EVERYTHING about the person, but you love that person despite any flaws they have or things they do that might irritate you (being messy, leaving the toilet seat up).

 

Love is acknowledging your partner has flaws, and short comings and still wanting them above anyone else.

  • Like 11
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice you make. It's the choice you make after you go through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And after all of that, you still want to come home to that person in the end.

 

Love isn't butterflies, love isn't that feeling of euphoria, that's all infatuation and lust.

 

Love doesn't mean you love EVERYTHING about the person, but you love that person despite any flaws they have or things they do that might irritate you (being messy, leaving the toilet seat up).

 

Love is acknowledging your partner has flaws, and short comings and still wanting them above anyone else.[/QUOT

 

 

True.

 

But without the butterflies and infatuation period preceding the love, it is not falling IN love but rather, "growing to love"

 

 

 

 

I prefer a guy who gets excited about dating me... Who has me constantly on his mind and who gets butterflies and who gives ME butterflies.

 

THEN I like the love to blossom and develope over time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A guy who is never that excited about me and is not that into me... Is not enough for me. This grows into love but this type of love isn't passionate.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
People advised me about a girlfriend I was having problems with, that--if I "loved" her--then it would be worth it to try to fix problems.
You got great definitions of love already. I want to add even though love is powerful it is also not enough to keep people together. A lot of people love but don't know how and their relationship becomes destructive.

 

So depending on the problems that are arising between your girlfriend and yourself, no it doesn't mean it's worth working on them because you love her.

 

Example: Love is not enough to conquer domestic violence, addiction, or betrayal. You can love these people with all of your heart that won't stop them from hurting you. Even though you love them, you need to leave them.

  • Like 1
Mascara Established Member

Mascara

Posted
Posted

Love is when each of you thinks you're the lucky one.

  • Like 2
InnocentMan Established Member

InnocentMan

Posted
Posted

Romantic love is fairly ambiguous. It can mean different things, to different people. Even 2 people in a relationship can say they love each other, but both behave quite differently. I don't agree with the poster that said it's a choice, and not a feeling. If it was purely a choice, we would walk away from many situations that we stay in. It's the feeling that keeps us there.

 

Sometimes it helps you both get through a bad patch, or conversely, it can keep you in a bad situation. We all have different tipping points, where rational thought takes over, and overrides the feeling of love. You'll know when you've reached yours.

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

Posted
Posted

Here's why 'true love' is SOOOO hard to find:

 

Each person's definition of love....what love is, how love feels, what love is about, what you need to both feel it and want to give it, the conditions that create and nurture love, what expectations come with love (both what you expect to get and what you expect to give) are highly individualized.

 

For it to truly work, both people's definition of love needs to be very similar. Even then, there's a bit of a crap-shoot factor, because all of the other elements that make a relationship work have to be in workable order, too. If they're not, and the love definitions are different, conflict is on the horizon. You just won't get each other, you won't understand what they want or how to give it to them, you'll become resentful that they don't understand what you want and how to give it to you, etc etc.

 

Really, most of the time people have feelings of 'love', it's some combination of lust, euphoria, dependency, fear of losing that person and just simply wanting to be in love.

Hello_is_it_me Established Member

Hello_is_it_me

Posted
Posted

An abstract human-made concept for describing when you like something a lot.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted

Can you love someone, but actually dislike many things about them?

 

I can't comfortably tell you what LOVE is, but I know what it is for ME.

 

As per the above question, I say NO. If you find MANY things about the person objectionable, I don't believe you'd be in love with that person. Not "love", but perhaps obsession, codependency....something less healthy.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Let me put it to you in as simple a way as possible...

 

 

 

THIS sort of thing is " stable, passionless love"

 

- " I really love my girlfriend/wife, she is the most wonderful person I know and she is a great mother and life partner, but I just long to be intimate with other women. I do not feel passionate about my wife and I do not crave sex with her and to be honest I never got the butterflies about her to begin with"

 

...Guys like this longingly gaze at other very attractive women from date ONE with their " stable, secure and good" girlfriend/wife.

 

Guys like this get girls to come here and write threads like " I see the way my boyfriends best friend looks at his girlfriend; I just know my own boyfriend isn't as passionate or as attracted to ME"

 

Mostly, those women that write those threads are NOT merely paranoid; they see a CLEAR disparity between men who lovingly gaze at their partners and show them clear love and affection, VERSUS men who have "settled with a girl with the great personality yet who they ALWAYS lacked a spark/passion/excitement for"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS is the sort of love I prefer:

 

Where as a guy that is a bit excited and has some degree of butterflies about a woman upon first meeting them, it is EASIER for them to reignite passion since IT WAS THERE in spades to begin with.

 

I am not saying it is about being with the hottest guy or girl out there! It is NOT about that..

 

It is about YOU just feeling a certain excitement about meeting them to begin with, VERSUS being lukewarm and "growing" to "love them" PURELY because of their personality.

 

I know looks fade, but I do not want a man who ONLY fell for my personality and never really got that excited about me in the early stages.

 

I want a man who got a big giddy with excitement about meeting me, who was very attracted to me (even if I am not a knockout to other men).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

True love is how you act over time as KatZee says. But make no mistake, you CANNOT "create" a very passionate type of love from a love that is NOT passion based to begin with.

 

You cannot expect a man to have a red hot fiery passion in the bedroom for a woman who they were NEVER that excited about to begin with.

 

You cannot expect a man with a high sex drive to NOT longingly look at other women he IS intrinsically attracted to, when he is paired off with "that woman" who is a stable life partner to him yet nothing more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope all people get to find a person they are excited about from date one.

 

Although women who are of age and want to have kids badly enough and NOT as a single mum, these woman CAN do well with a "passionless" love, whereby they find a guy fast who is stable, reliable and loyal/loving, for the sake of having a family.

 

NOT all people can afford to hold out for the fairy tail love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am 27 and my friend is 21 and we both found the guys that we " light their heart on fire" and they are also fantastic guys as well; treat us really well, are there for us through thick and thin while ALSO being passionate about us in the bedroom.

  • Like 1
Damaged217 Established Member

Damaged217

Posted
Posted

To me, love is when you find someone whose happiness comes before your own. Love is what happens after the initial excitement and the butterflies gradually fade away and you still think your love is the most amazing person ever, despite their flaws (which you accept completely). Of course you can still love someone while disliking things about them. No one is perfect and the person you love will drive you insane from time to time.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
To me, love is when you find someone whose happiness comes before your own. Love is what happens after the initial excitement and the butterflies gradually fade away and you still think your love is the most amazing person ever, despite their flaws (which you accept completely). Of course you can still love someone while disliking things about them. No one is perfect and the person you love will drive you insane from time to time.

 

 

 

 

 

Putting your happiness before their own is such a key signal for me that a man is truly in love with me.

 

 

 

It is the main thing that struck a chord with me in my ex versus the new boyfriend I selected; my boyfriend puts my happiness before his own.

 

 

 

I am very lucky! I hope every girl gets to experience it. I hope I continue to.

  • Like 1
georgecostanza Established Member

georgecostanza

Posted
Posted
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice you make. It's the choice you make after you go through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And after all of that, you still want to come home to that person in the end.

 

Love isn't butterflies, love isn't that feeling of euphoria, that's all infatuation and lust.

 

Love doesn't mean you love EVERYTHING about the person, but you love that person despite any flaws they have or things they do that might irritate you (being messy, leaving the toilet seat up).

 

Love is acknowledging your partner has flaws, and short comings and still wanting them above anyone else.

 

 

I felt like this about a couple of ex's, I told them I loved them and I believed it at the time.

 

Then I met this girl. It's probably overreaching to say that it was love at first sight, but that first sight will stay with me forever, I felt like my world was turned upside down. Just from being introduced to her. I knew within an hour of meeting her that I would fall hard for her, like nothing I'd ever felt before. I said so to a friend at the time.

 

I was right. She was all of the above and more. She gave me butterflies like nobody ever has, she filled my mind completely, I was completely intoxicated, hooked on her, everything in my life became geared towards us being together, she was everything I had ever wanted without having ever realised just what it was that I wanted until she walked into my life. I'm a stubborn guy but the moment she appeared I began to constantly improve myself, not because she asked or wanted me to, but just because I wanted to be better for her. I travelled across the world for her. She opened my mind to possibilities I had never imagined, gave me the courage to do things I only dreamed of. I spent hours creating gifts that I could surprise her with the next time I saw her, the smile on her face the only reward that I needed. The memories of every relationship I had in the past disappeared into a monotone smog. Every breathe I breathed, I breathed in her. Every poem I read, every book I opened, every piece of art I saw; her, her, her. She was the fire that lit up my world, the most important thing in the universe to me.

 

If you're asking yourself "am I in love?" then you're not. If you're asking yourself "is this love?" and you're accepting a person despite their flaws, maybe your affection for them is a kind of love. But love, the real love, is all consuming. Love isn't a choice. There is no question. There is only her.

  • Like 3
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
I felt like this about a couple of ex's, I told them I loved them and I believed it at the time.

 

Then I met this girl. It's probably overreaching to say that it was love at first sight, but that first sight will stay with me forever, I felt like my world was turned upside down. Just from being introduced to her. I knew within an hour of meeting her that I would fall hard for her, like nothing I'd ever felt before. I said so to a friend at the time.

 

I was right. She was all of the above and more. She gave me butterflies like nobody ever has, she filled my mind completely, I was completely intoxicated, hooked on her, everything in my life became geared towards us being together, she was everything I had ever wanted without having ever realised just what it was that I wanted until she walked into my life. I'm a stubborn guy but the moment she appeared I began to constantly improve myself, not because she asked or wanted me to, but just because I wanted to be better for her. I travelled across the world for her. She opened my mind to possibilities I had never imagined, gave me the courage to do things I only dreamed of. I spent hours creating gifts that I could surprise her with the next time I saw her, the smile on her face the only reward that I needed. The memories of every relationship I had in the past disappeared into a monotone smog. Every breathe I breathed, I breathed in her. Every poem I read, every book I opened, every piece of art I saw; her, her, her. She was the fire that lit up my world, the most important thing in the universe to me.

 

If you're asking yourself "am I in love?" then you're not. If you're asking yourself "is this love?" and you're accepting a person despite their flaws, maybe your affection for them is a kind of love. But love, the real love, is all consuming. Love isn't a choice. There is no question. There is only her.

 

 

 

 

 

THIS.

 

 

 

Thanks for explaining this so aptly.

 

 

 

And I bet it was not because she looked like a super model either; can you confirm that it wasn't purely about her looks, and that this fairy take sort of love can actually occur amongst plain looking folks?

 

A few people, myself included (in the past I believed this), that only "beautiful" women could enjoy a guy feeling like "that" about her.

georgecostanza Established Member

georgecostanza

Posted
Posted
THIS.

 

 

 

Thanks for explaining this so aptly.

 

 

 

And I bet it was not because she looked like a super model either; can you confirm that it wasn't purely about her looks, and that this fairy take sort of love can actually occur amongst plain looking folks?

 

A few people, myself included (in the past I believed this), that only "beautiful" women could enjoy a guy feeling like "that" about her.

 

It definitely wasn't just about her looks. It was about how strong, adventurous, and independent she was. How her passion for things, and for life, shone through. I really admired her bravery, which was something I had never felt for a girl before. It was her lifestyle. It was the way she made me feel. All of those conversations, the ideas she had, those expressions washing across her face, those habitual movements, the sound of her voice, her accent (English wasn't her first language), the moments of silence full of unspoken words, and a million other things about her.

 

That is not to say she is unattractive, I think by anybody's reckoning she would be fairly attractive. I know I've dated girls more classically attractive than her though, both before and after - people who society in general would rate higher on a scale of beauty. To me they'll never be more beautiful than her. How could they be?

  • Like 1
Negative Nancy Established Member

Negative Nancy

Posted
Posted
I felt like this about a couple of ex's, I told them I loved them and I believed it at the time.

 

Then I met this girl. It's probably overreaching to say that it was love at first sight, but that first sight will stay with me forever, I felt like my world was turned upside down. Just from being introduced to her. I knew within an hour of meeting her that I would fall hard for her, like nothing I'd ever felt before. I said so to a friend at the time.

 

I was right. She was all of the above and more. She gave me butterflies like nobody ever has, she filled my mind completely, I was completely intoxicated, hooked on her, everything in my life became geared towards us being together, she was everything I had ever wanted without having ever realised just what it was that I wanted until she walked into my life. I'm a stubborn guy but the moment she appeared I began to constantly improve myself, not because she asked or wanted me to, but just because I wanted to be better for her. I travelled across the world for her. She opened my mind to possibilities I had never imagined, gave me the courage to do things I only dreamed of. I spent hours creating gifts that I could surprise her with the next time I saw her, the smile on her face the only reward that I needed. The memories of every relationship I had in the past disappeared into a monotone smog. Every breathe I breathed, I breathed in her. Every poem I read, every book I opened, every piece of art I saw; her, her, her. She was the fire that lit up my world, the most important thing in the universe to me.

 

If you're asking yourself "am I in love?" then you're not. If you're asking yourself "is this love?" and you're accepting a person despite their flaws, maybe your affection for them is a kind of love. But love, the real love, is all consuming. Love isn't a choice. There is no question. There is only her.

 

Beautiful post. :love: And those words coming from a man, it goes to show that all that "true love" is not just "women crap", as some men like to claim. It shows that when men meet "the one", this is how they feel, nothing less. Hopefully one day someone will feel the same way about me. :love::love::love:

  • Like 2
ASG Established Member

ASG

Posted
Posted
haha I'm glad I'm not the only one who immediately thought of that when I saw this thread. Now it's in my head

 

I was actually gonna come post "Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!" I see now that the joke has been made :p

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice you make. It's the choice you make after you go through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And after all of that, you still want to come home to that person in the end.

 

Love isn't butterflies, love isn't that feeling of euphoria, that's all infatuation and lust.

 

Love doesn't mean you love EVERYTHING about the person, but you love that person despite any flaws they have or things they do that might irritate you (being messy, leaving the toilet seat up).

 

Love is acknowledging your partner has flaws, and short comings and still wanting them above anyone else.

 

 

Bloody h3ll....that is a lot of compromise to make for somebody...what do I get in return.....sex? I can't stand someone that is messy, is into clutter, not ambitious, no goals, expects me to carry them and is not honest......no amount of love in this world can make me put up with that.

 

I am speaking from the perspective of someone that was once married. Unfortunately there are a lot of advantage takers out there that think the offer of sex is going to get them thru

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