I just had a seemingly good date with a beautiful girl, what do I do now?

[jothebo41]

Ok by most standards, I am pretty terrible with women, and most that is unintentional. Well this just happened. Please help me not mess up.

 

Few weeks ago. There was this beautiful girl who worked at a grocery store I lived by. I got in her line when I had like 4 things, had beer. Looks at my ID gets a little playful that I had long hair (buzz now - pic is hilarious) and out of state, play along. Three days ago basically do the same thing, she sort of remembers me, plays a little again. I see her at the mall the next day alone, she didn't see me, I was to beta to come up to her. Yesterday she is right next to me at the gym (unintentionally) on machines. I'm about to go beta again, but ask myself 'are you serious dude?' go up to her at the water fountain. She recognized me. Asked out on spot for that night to get some tacos at hip mexican place. Says yes. Get number. The hilarious part about this is she is in a walking boot for a bum ankle, didn't know until I saw her at mall. But the gym?? The one place that its historically hard to do this?

 

The date went surprisingly well. We met there, the first thing she said to me was 'you look handsome' and I said 'and you look cute' and gave me a hug. She was super playful and conversational a super cool girl, impressed by my job and situation (didn't brag at all about it, but talked about it when she asked - company job > grocery store; my own place > lives with dad; degree > 'classes'). We actually had a lot in common, the most striking of which was a mutual love for Guinness. I talked abut an Irish place across the street we should go to after, she thinks that's awesome, but misinterprets it and says we should go Saturday if her friend takes her shift. (I'm like !?!?, it was 45 mins in, final four throws wrench into equation lol) and openly talks about hanging out again at various times. We even at the table made tentative plans to do the Irish bar when she has a true day off because she didn't think the shift would get taken because its Sat/close.

 

Good right? Well two possible kickers

-She is 26 I'm 23, she was actually kind of surprised, thought I was older, but said no biggie pretty much, part of me wonders how much she was telling herself that.

-We left and I walked her to her car, she thanked me for dinner, I said thanks for coming out with me I can't believe I ran into you at the gym, she agrees that it was unlikely, I said 'especially when its hard to find pretty girls at a place like the gym' she blushes and looks at the ground and calls me sweet. We both go step closer to each to hug, I go for a kiss and she didn't expect it but went along at the very moment I just hugged, but while hugging I still kissed her, and it ended up being a nice 'double kiss' (no tongue or touching anything other than her back/sides). I told her to check her schedule, she said she would. But that was kind of awkward but I think I made up for it.

 

 

Please, please help me not mess this up. This was last night. She is working for the next few days, but call her tonight? Tomorrow? How else in general not to fail or maybe thoughts on how date went??

 

Thanks in advance

Edited April 4, 2014 by jothebo41

[lollipopspot]

It sounds as though it went really well.

 

My advice is to stay fairly casual right now. Your growing anxiety about this may kill it, if you start getting too clingy or desperate not to lose her. Just try to have fun and relate to her as another person - there's something about your personality that she obviously likes, so try to keep it on that level until it's time to get more serious.

 

That doesn't mean not to show interest and attentiveness - definitely do. But don't express your insecurities that she might not like you (she may wonder what's not to like about you), or start texting constantly asking how she's doing or where she is or anything, unless she takes the lead in that.

[jothebo41]

My neighbor who I'm watching basketball with told me since I had a good kiss with her to call her. So I did like 15 minutes ago, no pick up and I left a text (I HATE voicemails) "Hey, I figured you may be working, but I had a really fun time last night, just wanted to see if you got your schedule for next week?"

 

Hopefully that wasn't desperate, I made it pretty simple, she did seem into seeing me again. My friend/neighbor convinced me that since we shared a good kiss after a good/fun dinner, I needed to make some kind of contact to make sure she knows I meant the kiss. Days=games

 

I guess that made sense?

[lollipopspot]

I think that text was fine and not desperate. Now just wait for her to get back to you.

 

I agree that you don't want to play games. Where people (male and female) go wrong is overdoing it before the connection is established.

 

Like, I have seen a similar situation to yours - good date, then a text like yours. Fine. But then, if the person doesn't get back to the other person quickly, they go off the rails. Things like, "Well, maybe you didn't have as good a time as I thought you did." "Hey, are you still interested?" "If you're not interested, what did I do wrong?" And then some rambling text about something that happened on the date to try to reestablish connection. All within a span of a few hours after the first text was sent. Things like that you want to avoid (obviously).

 

It seems like you have a sense of how to do this, you just have a confidence issue.

[jothebo41]

I think that text was fine and not desperate. Now just wait for her to get back to you.

 

I agree that you don't want to play games. Where people (male and female) go wrong is overdoing it before the connection is established.

 

Like, I have seen a similar situation to yours - good date, then a text like yours. Fine. But then, if the person doesn't get back to the other person quickly, they go off the rails. Things like, "Well, maybe you didn't have as good a time as I thought you did." "Hey, are you still interested?" "If you're not interested, what did I do wrong?" And then some rambling text about something that happened on the date to try to reestablish connection. All within a span of a few hours after the first text was sent. Things like that you want to avoid (obviously).

 

It seems like you have a sense of how to do this, you just have a confidence issue.

 

Lol I would never say stuff like that. I mean I was confident enough to ask out a basically stranger to have dinner with me that night, and I kissed her because I was SUPER attracted to her and wanted to show it (kept it respectful though, and after a split second awkward moment, I enjoyed the kiss, hope she did too)

 

But its just like 'omg, you're so cool and so pretty, I got this far when most guys would run away from you' and that thought process (as wrong and primal as it may be) makes you want to make calculated decisions (however wrong that may be, sh*t I may never hear back from her I realize that)

[jothebo41]

This is going to sound so anxious but its been almost 2 hours and I still never heard back, I know for a fact she'd be off by now. I haven't text anything else at all. But I knew calling the day after was a bad idea, its that stupid 3 day game. I hate messing things up unintentionally.

Edited April 4, 2014 by jothebo41

[lollipopspot]

You didn't mess things up. What you did was fine.

 

Re-read the post I wrote above where I said this is the point where problems can start. The person who texted goes off the rails when they don't get a text back right away. Just relax. It's only been 2 hours. Not everyone responds back to texts right away, even if they really like the person.

[theediblewoman]

You didn't mess things up. What you did was fine.

 

Re-read the post I wrote above where I said this is the point where problems can start. The person who texted goes off the rails when they don't get a text back right away. Just relax. It's only been 2 hours. Not everyone responds back to texts right away, even if they really like the person.

 

Yeah! Just relax. Go out without your phone for a bit or turn it off. Maybe she wants to play it cool,just like most everyone else involved in dating does.

[starrynightz45]

Please read this and understand it.

 

If she doesn't respond to your call/text/message, it's NOT because you came off as desperate or clingy or because you did anything wrong. It's NOT because you should have waited longer, or because you contacted her too soon. It will be entirely, completely and only because she's not interested.

 

When a woman truly has a great date, she doesn't want to wait 3 days to hear from you. And she WILL NOT think anything negative if she hears from you soon after the date. Quite the reverse - she'll be thrilled. Period.

 

If a woman has a negative reaction, it's because she wasn't feeling you and the contact soon after solidifies it. Just wait it out. She might not want to seem too eager either, so she might not respond for tonight or even a day. Relax.

 

It sounds like things went well.

[jothebo41]

Please read this and understand it.

 

If she doesn't respond to your call/text/message, it's NOT because you came off as desperate or clingy or because you did anything wrong. It's NOT because you should have waited longer, or because you contacted her too soon. It will be entirely, completely and only because she's not interested.

 

When a woman truly has a great date, she doesn't want to wait 3 days to hear from you. And she WILL NOT think anything negative if she hears from you soon after the date. Quite the reverse - she'll be thrilled. Period.

 

If a woman has a negative reaction, it's because she wasn't feeling you and the contact soon after solidifies it. Just wait it out. She might not want to seem too eager either, so she might not respond for tonight or even a day. Relax.

 

It sounds like things went well.

 

I understand it just sucks having to be super patient. Its pretty rare this happens for me when a public ask-out with a really pretty woman goes well. She actually got back to me after midnight. But its still waiting stuff "Yeah I had fun, I have to see what is going on with my doctor's appointment tomorrow... I'll def let you know!" So just more waiting

[Hello_is_it_me]

I understand it just sucks having to be super patient. Its pretty rare this happens for me when a public ask-out with a really pretty woman goes well. She actually got back to me after midnight. But its still waiting stuff "Yeah I had fun, I have to see what is going on with my doctor's appointment tomorrow... I'll def let you know!" So just more waiting

 

Doctor's appointment?? I thought you were asking her out on a weekend night?

[jothebo41]

Doctor's appointment?? I thought you were asking her out on a weekend night?

 

I have no idea. I don't know:

- if she had a variable doctor's appointment (she has a sprained ankle),

-if her appointment maybe leads to other stuff,

-why she even got back to me if she didn't want to go out again (the seeming enthusiasm for seeing each other again is my main confusion -I've been rejected plenty)

-why it couldn't just be a straight answer to a very simple question, I don't know when she works, followed up on the last thing we said to each other

[Hello_is_it_me]

I have no idea. I don't know:

- if she had a variable doctor's appointment (she has a sprained ankle),

-if her appointment maybe leads to other stuff,

-why she even got back to me if she didn't want to go out again (the seeming enthusiasm for seeing each other again is my main confusion -I've been rejected plenty)

-why it couldn't just be a straight answer to a very simple question, I don't know when she works, followed up on the last thing we said to each other

 

I dunno... She's being a little vague. I think you kind of screwed up in not asking her out to a specific time, place, and activity. Currently, if it were me I would not contact her anymore and just wait to see if she gets back to you. I would try to distract myself by making other plans for this weekend. Then, say she never gets back to you. Just wait until next week and send a text on Wednesday asking her out either Friday or Sat (choose only one) and pick a specific time, place, and activity (i'm assuming the Irish bar, eh?). And I'm not bolding the same stuff to come off as douchey.. I'm trying to stress the importance of doing it that way.

[jothebo41]

I dunno... She's being a little vague. I think you kind of screwed up in not asking her out to a specific time, place, and activity. Currently, if it were me I would not contact her anymore and just wait to see if she gets back to you. I would try to distract myself by making other plans for this weekend. Then, say she never gets back to you. Just wait until next week and send a text on Wednesday asking her out either Friday or Sat (choose only one) and pick a specific time, place, and activity (i'm assuming the Irish bar, eh?). And I'm not bolding the same stuff to come off as douchey.. I'm trying to stress the importance of doing it that way.

 

Oh I completely know what you mean, but since we had a specific place set up (pretty much - that bar), and she didn't know her work schedule 100%, that's why I asked for her schedule. I also didn't want to come off as forceful setting up a date/time the day after the date, more of an inquiry if that makes any sense. And it wasn't so much as a dodge, if she didn't have a sprained ankle I would of just rolled my eyes and deleted her number.

 

Its confusing: why would you even get back to someone in that manner (vague but friendly enthusiasm) if you thought 'meh, I'll pass'? I don't get why a lot of girls do this. It drives guys so insane. I would much rather not be contacted again or god forbid a respectful 'no thanks'. its a little early to be a back burner, because well its either we are going out again soon or not lol, in my experience the back burner thing happens after 2-3 dates that get too spread out

 

If this was an online thing I would chalk it up to the bizzare/flakey nature of that stuff. But I ballsed up and asked her out in real life so attraction had to be there (right? she went out with me with a walking boot!) and enthusiasm for something else during the date? I hope that kiss didn't mess it up...

Edited April 4, 2014 by jothebo41

[Hello_is_it_me]

Oh I completely know what you mean, but since we had a specific place set up (pretty much - that bar), and she didn't know her work schedule 100%, that's why I asked for her schedule. I also didn't want to come off as forceful setting up a date/time the day after the date, more of an inquiry if that makes any sense.

 

Its confusing: why would you even get back to someone in that manner (vague but friendly enthusiasm) if you thought 'meh, I'll pass'? I don't get why a lot of girls do this. It drives guys so insane. I would much rather not be contacted again.

 

If this was an online thing I would chalk it up to the bizzare nature of that stuff. But I ballsed up and asked her out in real life so attraction had to be there (right?) and enthusiasm for something else during the date? I hope that kiss didn't mess it up...

 

To avoid vagueness this is why it helps to be very specific with plans. A text like:

 

"Had a great time last night! So the Irish barrrrr thing.. 10:00 this Saturday night? Irish car bombs! Planning my weekend so let me know within the next day or so if you're up for it."

 

^this text sets limits and also infers her a time to let you know if she can or not. So this cuts out any further "fishing" on your part. I would send that text and wait up to 2 days for a reply ("within the next day or so") If she doesn't get back or replies with vague sht then she's not interested and I wouldn't contact her further... maybe then wait until another weekend and ask her out one last time or wait for her to set something up for you)

[jothebo41]

To avoid vagueness this is why it helps to be very specific with plans. A text like:

 

"Had a great time last night! So the Irish barrrrr thing.. 10:00 this Saturday night? Irish car bombs! Planning my weekend so let me know within the next day or so if you're up for it."

 

^this text sets limits and also infers her a time to let you know if she can or not. So this cuts out any further "fishing" on your part. I would send that text and wait up to 2 days for a reply ("within the next day or so") If she doesn't get back or replies with vague sht then she's not interested and I wouldn't contact her further... maybe then wait until another weekend and ask her out one last time or wait for her to set something up for you)

 

Yeah you're probably right on that text vs. mine. I more or less was thinking what I would have asked her on the phone. My thought process stemmed from her giving a few days she wasn't sure of (because of her work schedule!) I didn't want to be too pushy, because the very next thing I would have said was "That place, that day". From what she said (doctor's appointment influencing more than work) I could have gotten the same thing even if I said something super specific. If she didn't add the "I'll def let you know!!"...

[Hello_is_it_me]

Who knows what her thought process truly was. All I know is that the grocery store and doctor's office are both closed at midnight on Saturday when the Irish bar is busy.

[jothebo41]

Who knows what her thought process truly was. All I know is that the grocery store and doctor's office are both closed at midnight on Saturday when the Irish bar is busy.

 

Well to add a little more layer she admittedly didn't know if she was free Saturday. She is watching her friend's kid that evening with times unsure of. She mentioned it because it was one of her few off days. And kind of musing to herself 'why did I give away my Saturday like that'

 

2 ideas)

1) Text her back with a specific plan. I never texted her since she texted me so late like "Good luck at your doctor's, I just found out I get off early Tuesday so how does the bar sound?"

2) She works at the grocery store that I could literally walk to. Go there and see what's up? That may seem stalkerish, but then again she did go out with someone who she initially met where he buys his food lol

[Hello_is_it_me]

Well to add a little more layer she admittedly didn't know if she was free Saturday. She is watching her friend's kid that evening with times unsure of. She mentioned it because it was one of her few off days. And kind of musing to herself 'why did I give away my Saturday like that'

 

2 ideas)

1) Text her back with a specific plan. I never texted her since she texted me so late like "Good luck at your doctor's, I just found out I get off early Tuesday so how does the bar sound?"

2) She works at the grocery store that I could literally walk to. Go there and see what's up? That may seem stalkerish, but then again she did go out with someone who she initially met where he buys his food lol

 

Meh.. You could do them but I would moreso back off and let her do what she wants to do. Because you've already expressed interest in seeing her. She knows this. So if she wants to see you she'll make it happen. There's no need in further pressing her and it might backlash and make you look needy. So I would just not do anything and wait for her to get back to you.

[slizl]

It sucks waiting, but do not, and I repeat, do not text her before she texts you!

[jothebo41]

It sucks waiting, but do not, and I repeat, do not text her before she texts you!

 

I won't, it does suck waiting. Not today but I may pop in the grocery store haha (half-serious, I would buy something though - its my grocery store) I may attempt calling sometime next week on a more serious note.

 

I'm not the most experience dater but I've never had one that there was so much mutual attraction (she called me handsome, when I said she was pretty she blushed, we had a good kiss) and a general good time and plans to meet again during the date. Not lead to at least seeing each other again. I've had a good date before that didn't lead to a second, but at least one of those three things weren't obviously present.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I won't, it does suck waiting. Not today but I may pop in the grocery store haha (half-serious, I would buy something though - its my grocery store) I may attempt calling sometime next week on a more serious note.

 

I'm not the most experience dater but I've never had one that there was so much mutual attraction (she called me handsome, when I said she was pretty she blushed, we had a good kiss) and a general good time and plans to meet again during the date. Not lead to at least seeing each other again. I've had a good date before that didn't lead to a second, but at least one of those three things weren't obviously present.

 

Careful man.. You're getting too attached/investing in this thing already!! And no! DON'T go in the store even. You're trying to convince yourself to see this chick. Don't be needy!

[shet]

The woman I'm "dating" currently (don't ask) sometimes doesn't answer for a week. Sometimes after I send normal messages, sometimes when I ask her out. Then one day suddenly a yes response. She just doesn't DO regular contact. I got used to it. She has a problem with stress and overwork (entirely her own fault) and shuts down socially inbetween days off, which come haphazardly every couple weeks. Freaks out if people try to arrange things. If there weren't highly worthwhile aspects about her to me, I would have ceased bothering and probably crushed my phone into powder months ago.

[jothebo41]

Careful man.. You're getting too attached/investing in this thing already!! And no! DON'T go in the store even. You're trying to convince yourself to see this chick. Don't be needy!

 

Haha I was thinking about it a lot, a big part of it was connecting (I'm not thinking soul to soul here, just a good date) with such a pretty girl, makes it harder not to think about it. But I haven't contacted her at all. The store thing is mostly funny, because that's where I've been going since I've moved here for food. It just so happened I plucked a date off a woman who works there. I would NEVER go in there and like find her and tap her on the shoulder lol that is really creepy.

[nerdlingZA]

Ignore her until she contacts u first