bluegreen Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Have you lost a lost a guy friend in this circumstances where he was threatened manipulated or blackmailed by his girlfriend into not talking to you. Even worse not talking to any girls Period !!!! What's your opinion on this how would you react ?
Ajax Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I've been that guy in a relationship. I was dating a girl a couple years ago who was very insecure, and no matter how I tried to reassure her, things never got better. I've always had friends of both sexes, and she was of the opinion that men could not just be friends with women. She didn't want me to talk to my female friends (and often enough my male friends too). If we were shopping and there was an attractive women in the same aisle, she'd grab my arm and pull me out of it. Whenever I made plans with friends, she'd call with a crisis that demanded my immediate attention. It was exhausting, but I managed to convince myself that I was the unreasonable one. Somehow I must be treating her in a way that made her feel insecure. So I kept doubling down, cutting off friends and trying to placate her. After about a year I realized that I'd been a jerk friend and wanted to reach out to some that Id neglected, especially a female friend who I'd been close with for nearly ten years. Because I didn't want my girlfriend to feel insecure, I wanted to include her in everything and hoped they could become friends too. So I invited all of my friends to a cookout. It was rough. Any time I tried to talk to my friend, my girlfriend would pry me away. Afterward (while shooting skeet with a loaded shotgun no less) she gave me my orders: I was not to talk to my friend again. I was so flummoxed that I agreed. But I was bitter and resentful. I finally realized that I'd been strong armed and manipulated into giving up a friendship that I;d had for almost a decade, and I knew it would never get better. So a few weeks later I ended the relationship. She had been so fearful that I'd cheat or leave her for someone else that I ultimately left her for nobody. I was so drained from the relationship and breakup that I wouldn't date anyone for a year. Then I met my current girlfriend, who isn't insecure, and I realized how much I'd been missing staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 About three times in total over the years. How did I react? Eh, the first time it was a tough blow. The guy started acting really cold and distant and I later found out his girlfriend had not only repeatedly picked fights over me, but had planted ideas in his head about how I was secretly crushing on him. I honestly wasn't. Frankly that was the most offensive part. Anyway, because of the fights and her suggestion I wanted him, he started to get sort of snappy with me when he wasn't being frosty. If I offered to do something nice for him (little things, like turn in his notes when he was out sick) he then started seeing it as me making advances toward him and disrespecting his relationship, as opposed to be doing simple favors as I always had done. Subsequent times I learned to roll with the punches and really try to put myself in the girl's shoes. Being a person who can be rather jealous myself, I understand the need to feel like (or actually be) the most important woman in a man's life. Yes, it sucks to have a friend seemingly, so casually throw away a friendship but I look at it from a less "me" oriented perspective. At the end of the day, he's not in love with me, he's not having sex with me, he's not going to bed with me every night, I don't make his heart beat a little faster at the thought of me. So, in a way it's understandable. I'd feel bad the guy happened to end up with such a controlling woman but I'm not going to sit there and pout because someone chose an emotional, sexual connection over me.
Author bluegreen Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Yeah that seems really familiar to the scenario I witnessed. Except the is so afraid of being alone and lonely that he is taking it and even calls it love girls like that have some serious issues. But am sure sooner or later everyone would snap and get sick of being so chocked up by someone even the most patient ones.
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