purplesorrow Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I am in no way a prude. I do think I am open minded; however, I do not understand grown people sending pics of their private parts. Is that really the dating culture? In my situation, when the ow called, I told her I had all the pics and dirty messages she sent stbx. I told her if I were the vindictive type, I could send to her friends and family so they could see her side jobs as author and photographer. She was embarrassed that she had done either, but during the affair didn't want to disappoint my stbx. Does everyone see this as ok? I guess I will be alone if that is what's expected. Maybe I am a prude? Anyone else have thoughts?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 To each is own, but I've never gotten the whole genital pics craze either. I will occasionally send my guy pics in a t-shirt only to make him smile and think of me, but I don't do nude or racy. Just not me, and some things can't be taken back once you hit send. The most shocking thing I've seen is two females I know that sent out a group picture text of their new vaginal piercing. Who does that???
excusememister Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I agree with you and I'm no prude either My WH's OW also sent those types of photos to him. I AM the vindictive type but haven't sent them to her church or her job. I have thought about it, but doubt if I will follow thru. It still warms my blood, for me to have to be the "nice, decent person" and refrain from doing things that will adversely affect her, when she didn't think or care about how it would affect me by sending nude pictures to my H and sexting about all the things she would do to him
Spark1111 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 No, no, sex and more sex, and lack of judgement is the norm.... Of course it's despicable! But the same hormones are released during an affair as when when you were 16 and sneaking out of your house to do it in the back seat of your illicit BF's back seat..... All logic, rationale regarding your adolescent behavior and the pain it causes others goes right out the window! For adults engaging n this, how humiliating and embarrassing it must be to be caught with your pants down and exposed to others...... No, you are NOT A PRUDE. YOU are a responsible ADULT. 1
Spectre Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I honestly have no problem with people sending nude pictures to each other, however, they need to not be stupid enough to send naked pictures to someone they are going to cheat on or something like that. I knew a girl who was in a long term relationship and, for one summer, went to Paris to live with relatives. During this time she and her boyfriend were in separate countries obviously so they could not be physical, but she would send him nude pictures throughout that summer. Then it turns out, surprise, she cheated on her boyfriend while in Paris. So guess what the boyfriend did with all of the naked pictures she had sent him?
Author purplesorrow Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Yet another coworker he was flirting with also took pics. They went to the bathrooms at work took pics and then went on break to show each other their phones. She didn't want to send because her husband monitored her phone. His pic uploaded to our family pic account .
BetrayedH Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Spark is pretty much on the money. In a similar vein, engaging in an affair is hugely risky behavior. You risk huge exposure, loss of family, friends, maybe your career. People don't do this for vanilla. If they're going to go for it, they will try to fulfill every last fantasy possible. And hell, pushing the edge of the envelope is part of the thrill. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Maybe I'm stupid but I always thought that if two married people were having an affair, the first rule would be discretion. The idea is for no one else to find out. So what do they do? Send each other "ass photos" and it goes to either their computer or phone where it could easily be found. What ever happened to dropping your pants and sitting on the copy machine? You know, the good old days.
burnside.rose Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 it frankly surprised me that my wife sent the OM pics of herself in that way. she never even sent me a dirty text or anything like that before. ever. then she even went out to a photographer & had professional shots of her in the outfits she bought him. i received the photos as a christmas gift & so did he. how nice! her sending pics is how i essentially busted her. stupid.
KaliLove Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I mean, it's a pretty stupid thing to do in this day and age when it's so incredibly easy for someone else to post them online..but I don't see anything wrong with it if you're in an intimate relationship with someone. Of course..if someone is sending naked pics of themselves to a person who is in an intimate relationship with someone ELSE, then yeah, it's pretty disgusting. But then again, cheating in general is pretty disgusting.
underwater2010 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 MOW's nude videos and photos are how I figured out her cell phone number. The first call I made....asked if her name was xyz....when she confirmed...."Nice video of you fingering your P****"....She became speechless. Second call was to tell her that if she ever made contact with my husband again...I would plaster her neighborhood etc. It was a threat that I don't think I could follow through with...but it worked. She has never called, emailed or texted again. And her BH found out about the affair through me. I sent him each and every picture and video. He begged me to get rid of the evidence. I am not ready. They sit in my email under a folder I never look at anymore....just in case. 8
SolG Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) From the other side of the fence... Back in the heyday of my marriage with my xH we regularly had phone sex and exchanged hard copy naughty pics. We were often apart for work and this helped us bridge the distance and maintain intimacy. We would have done more I'm sure had the technology been available. Fast forward to today and my MM... We have exchanged literally hundreds of pics (not all of them naughty mind), explicit emails and texts and videos, and had copious amounts of phone and Skype sex. Also to help us bridge distance and maintain intimacy when we're apart. These are the only two people I have ever done this with; and in both contexts well after we had established trust. If xH chose to publish our material (which I know he wouldn't), or my MM's BS stumbled across our stash and said she was going to publish... I actually wouldn't give a crap. I am not ashamed of anything I've done pertaining to my body or sexuality, and I know that the people I care about wouldn't care either. And if they are that judgmental... I don't want to know them anyway. As an aside... I cannot envisage a circumstance where I could give up pics (or video, etc) of either my xH or MM. Not a one. Not angry BS, journalist offering millions of dollars, at gun point... Not gonna happen. Now, I and those I associate with are pretty liberal, permissive and socially progressive (including my family). I do recall reading that those of this bent are more likely to participate in an affair - so maybe this is the reason that you also find a preponderance of 'naughty pics' amongst this demographic? I know I'm probably going to get scorched for this post. Donning flame suit now... Edited April 4, 2014 by SolG 2
jnel921 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Early when we were dating we did have phone sex at least one time that I recall and we basically talked dirty to each other. I do have a USB Drive that contains pics of us having sex and random nude pics during our pre marriage years. Once we married all of that stopped. The conversations were more dirty and harsh words than sex talk. Things were different and I tried to let my H know that I needed him to change for the sake of our M. This behavior did make me retaliate as well. So we had issues to work through before we could get to that place again. However when my H had his A, the OW had no problem forwarding text and pics he took of his private parts that he sent her. This really upset me and honestly still does. I understand that when you have an A there is a thrill and the WS will not think and all boundaries go out the window. Still I can't help but feel that part of us will never be the same. I look at that pic and my interpretation is "Hey look at how you make me feel, I want to give it to you". A complete f****g stranger who doesn't know him from her own butt hole. But this is what he did. She in turn sent him a pic with her butt in the air. A pic that was taken by his former friend whom he betrayed by screwing this POS. I don't think my H could send me a pic like that today without me triggering and thinking that he may be trying to relive his A. It's tough trying to get back that passion with him because of this. Sometimes I go into the bedroom and because I know what to expect I don't even really want to at times. I have to really try emotionally to get to a place where I can open myself up and feel good about what we are doing. I sense and know that he loves me. I know that the A has been long over with and that he has nothing but ill feelings towards the OW. But the actions still has added some damage to my bedroom. We are good in every other aspect of our M during this time of R, but I beleive this is something we have to work on and talk about. We really need to start giving each other something different to get past this stage. I chose to stay and R and these are the things that we are trying to fix within the M a year and ahalf after D-Day. I forgave but have not forgotten. 1
martaldn Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) hum... I did them all. pictures, video, chat, video chat.. name it i have done it. the funny thing is that before I met that guy I really thought I could never be capable to do such naughty things!! I have only done them only with him though, personally I dont see anything wrong in doing it but both of the people need to be at the same level it could be a turn on and exciting if done with the right person forgot to add I was the OW so I could easily use his pictures as revenge but I never kept them, they were basically all for the same subject with just a different background lol Edited April 4, 2014 by martaldn
gettingstronger Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 As an adult, I do not engage in the behavior of my 19 year old sons generation-as they say- with age comes wisdom- 1
cozycottagelg Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I've sent my husband racy pics in the past. We have 2 kids that usually end up in our bed, I gotta have some fun somehow 3
Waverly Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Spark is pretty much on the money. In a similar vein, engaging in an affair is hugely risky behavior. You risk huge exposure, loss of family, friends, maybe your career. People don't do this for vanilla. If they're going to go for it, they will try to fulfill every last fantasy possible. And hell, pushing the edge of the envelope is part of the thrill. To be fair, that's not always the case. My xAP asked at one point if I wanted him to send me pics, and I said no. Ironically enough, I didn't want our relationship to feel sleazy.
Sub Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I was conflicted about this after D-Day, as my WW seemed to be more into pics and video of us in the act AFTER my discovery of her A. I know she sent the OM a "sexy" pic once, and she admitted that he had some sort of video of her. I guess the natural thing would be to feel like she's only now doing it with me because she did it with him. But I almost have to force myself to consider that, and usually end up just enjoying it for what it is.
Furious Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I am in no way a prude. I do think I am open minded; however, I do not understand grown people sending pics of their private parts. Is that really the dating culture? In my situation, when the ow called, I told her I had all the pics and dirty messages she sent stbx. I told her if I were the vindictive type, I could send to her friends and family so they could see her side jobs as author and photographer. She was embarrassed that she had done either, but during the affair didn't want to disappoint my stbx. Does everyone see this as ok? I guess I will be alone if that is what's expected. Maybe I am a prude? Anyone else have thoughts? I don't want my vagina floating around in the Internet, once someone posts a close up of their junk it's there for as long as there's a google search. Affair partners seem to think their groins are uber special worthy of a selfie. Sometimes I envy the old times when you actually had to take a picture, get it developed and buy a stamp and drop it it a real mailbox. Maybe those folks from the old days had enough time to reconsider sending off a close up of their groin, but in today's world it's just a click of a button before common sense can intervene. 2
EasternStandard Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 it frankly surprised me that my wife sent the OM pics of herself in that way. she never even sent me a dirty text or anything like that before. ever. then she even went out to a photographer & had professional shots of her in the outfits she bought him. i received the photos as a christmas gift & so did he. how nice! her sending pics is how i essentially busted her. stupid. Sounds like they were more fun.
MissBee Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I am in no way a prude. I do think I am open minded; however, I do not understand grown people sending pics of their private parts. Is that really the dating culture? In my situation, when the ow called, I told her I had all the pics and dirty messages she sent stbx. I told her if I were the vindictive type, I could send to her friends and family so they could see her side jobs as author and photographer. She was embarrassed that she had done either, but during the affair didn't want to disappoint my stbx. Does everyone see this as ok? I guess I will be alone if that is what's expected. Maybe I am a prude? Anyone else have thoughts? I think this issue is purely a matter of preference and not anything that is wrong or right. Some people like that sort of thing, especially if one is long distance I can see how that may be exciting and may be an important part of sexual intimacy. Likewise I think in affairs there tends to be some elements similar to that of LDRs because the APs may not be able to see each other as frequently, so there is more use of fantasy and imagination of which naughty pics are part. Unless one has a famous vagina or penis, even if someone put your vagina or penis on the internet, if your face isn't in the picture who would know it's you? It's your word against theirs. I did send a picture like that once to a LDR boyfriend but I never sent my face...only that part of my body. I have sent other naughty pics in LDRs as well, but they've been in sexy lingerie or bras and panties and not completely naked and they also did not include my face, so if they were circulated it would be difficult to tie it to me. 1
hard2c Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Spark is pretty much on the money. In a similar vein, engaging in an affair is hugely risky behavior. You risk huge exposure, loss of family, friends, maybe your career. People don't do this for vanilla. If they're going to go for it, they will try to fulfill every last fantasy possible. And hell, pushing the edge of the envelope is part of the thrill. So true Betrayed thanks for the clarity of this issue. Dare say that I look forward too reading your pathologies.
drifter777 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I agree that there's nothing "wrong" with sending naughty pix to our partners as long as we realize - and are ok with - that they just might publish them to the world after the breakup. Yes, exposing them is despicable but lots of people do despicable things all the time. Here's the thing, why in the hell do people include their face in these pictures?? At least put on a wig and/or a mask for God's sake. Then if an Ex or BS or whoever wants to out you it's difficult to prove that it you in the pictures. Since the person outing you is pissed at you it's easy to deny it by saying "you can see it's not me - they are just desperate".
veritas lux mea Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Sending pic is fun. If you are dealing with a visual partner that enjoys the pics so why not??? When I send my H photos I warn him not to look at the following photo in public:P
veritas lux mea Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Now, I and those I associate with are pretty liberal, permissive and socially progressive (including my family). I do recall reading that those of this bent are more likely to participate in an affair - so maybe this is the reason that you also find a preponderance of 'naughty pics' amongst this demographic? I know I'm probably going to get scorched for this post. Donning flame suit now... I used to think that was being progressive as well. NowI know it is actually the height of selfishness, ignorance and being a taker. Doing anything and everything that makes me happy no matter who is being hurt in the process. I have now learned that their is a progressive way to live that is more balanced and doesn't involve loose morals, selfish behaviour and cutting people out of your life because what their better morals make you uncomfortable. Sometimes it is easy to accuse people of being judgemental... When really they are right and your wrong.
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