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Great news- I want to stay single for a longggg time

Bigcitydreamer

By Bigcitydreamer
in General Relationship Discussion

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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I don't know, but lately I've just been thinking about how much of an inconvenience relationships really are. It seems like everyone's relationship isn't that great and everyone is forced to put up with a bunch of crap in order to have a partner. I just can't imagine anyone being attractive enough in my eyes to put up with their annoyances- sounds horrible but everyone does have flaws.

 

I've dated a nice few people and have had a few LTRs and I genuinely don't miss any of them. I don't feel like I've dated anyone who I truly felt was a catch. My ex started off really nice and then became selfish over time. I made changes to my life to include him in it and looking back I shouldn't have done that.

 

All of my friends are pretty girls with careers, and they all seem to end up with douchebags. People get so clingy and emotionally attached that they clearly are not thinking straight. For example my best friend goes out with a gov. employee who has a double major in econ and math, so he's definitely smart but at the same time she has to put up with so much bull to be with him. I think she can do better and lately I've been feeling like she is putting her life on hold for him and that she would be way better off single so she can pursue her own dreams without the drama. It's not just her, I can't think of any relationships that I would want to be in. Maybe 1 or 2 out of 50 or something I would consider worth it.

 

My sister on the other hand is single, and has been most of her life at 25 she hasn't told anyone she loved them, and she hasn't called someone her boyfriend, but man is she excelling in other areas. She is living in an amazing city and is getting paid to go to school- PhD (so proud). I look at her and see how she hasn't been bogged down by anyone else and I feel like I'm going to start living my life like her.

 

It's such a sad cynical view the more I think of it. I use to want a relationship, but now it seems like I've come to the realization that fairy tales don't exist and I'll never find someone who I think is GREAT and they also think I am GREAT. My ex had red flags from the start..I knew he wasn't as smart as me, and I wondered if I should have passed on it. He was hot though so I didn't and I pretty much should have passed on it because it didn't work for the very reasons I worried about.

 

So yeah not really looking for a whole lot of advice, but is there anyone who relates? I wonder if I just haven't met the right guy and am experiencing burnout from my last relationship. Currently I love sleeping alone, I love waking up and doing what I want without being concerned over a guy, I love the single life, and I just have bad memories and opinions of relationships at the moment. Maybe I'm the type to remain single for my life- its quite possible since I have high standards and don't like to compromise a whole lot =/

Jethro Established Member

Jethro

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Hope you like masturbation!

HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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I think what your feeling is normal and maybe in time your feelings will change again. That perfect guy for you could pop up and mess all your plans up!

 

I say good for you! Too many people jump from relationship to relationship for fear if being alone. I think everyone should at some point in their lives be single and have "me time" so you can learn about yourself and what you want out of life. Too many women invest too much in a man like your friend is doing then the man throws them away and they're left looking stupid because they never chased their own dreams.

 

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer you're doing what's best for YOU right now and learning from your past mistakes.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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Hope you like masturbation!

 

Yeah that's a good point a partner fills that need also, but I guess that's not a major concern of mine at the moment. Maybe as time passes I will start caring more about that again. I could also date casually or have a FWB not that I'm looking for any of that either right now.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's better to let someone find you just by chance rather than search and force it. This is why your lovely young lady friends end up with douchebags. They are desparately seeking anyone that will give then the attention risking any common sense. BUT that is what the young ones do. Eventually eveyone smartens up and matures, and is able to settle down.

 

So this is why I say just let it happen. When you let things come along naturally, you take the time to know they are right for you because you don't have the mind set of wanting male attention like your little friends. You will be able find someone that fits and compliments your life, not consume it.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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I think what your feeling is normal and maybe in time your feelings will change again. That perfect guy for you could pop up and mess all your plans up!

 

I say good for you! Too many people jump from relationship to relationship for fear if being alone. I think everyone should at some point in their lives be single and have "me time" so you can learn about yourself and what you want out of life. Too many women invest too much in a man like your friend is doing then the man throws them away and they're left looking stupid because they never chased their own dreams.

 

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer you're doing what's best for YOU right now and learning from your past mistakes.

 

Thank you for that HappyLove, great advice! Makes me feel less weird about these thoughts I've been having! I hope you are right and I will want to sacrifice for someone who I feel is worth it.

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Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

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Fairytales do not exist and it is always important to focus on spirituality, friends and family, and a career regardless of relationship status. Relationships aren't easy. They are about boundaries and compromises and sharing the best and worst parts of real life. If you want Disney fairytales, then you probably wont enjoy mortgages and 1 a.m. baby feedings. Marriage is real and can be challenging if you have a self absorbed, immature or lazy partner.

The great thing about life is you get to write your own personal script for your life. You don't have to conform to anyone's idea of what life looks like.

Best,

Grumps

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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It's better to let someone find you just by chance rather than search and force it. This is why your lovely young lady friends end up with douchebags. They are desparately seeking anyone that will give then the attention risking any common sense. BUT that is what the young ones do. Eventually eveyone smartens up and matures, and is able to settle down.

 

So this is why I say just let it happen. When you let things come along naturally, you take the time to know they are right for you because you don't have the mind set of wanting male attention like your little friends. You will be able find someone that fits and compliments your life, not consume it.

 

Thanks smackie9, you are so right, my friends appear desperate in my eyes! I feel like shaking them all and being like wtf dump the losers and live your lives. It can't only be my friends that are like this because I have many friends and I feel this way about most of their relationships. They all put up with general bs like feeling neglected, them mentioning another girl's looks, spending the weekend doing something they don't enjoy for the sake of their bf.

 

Worries me that maybe I'm just a b*tch but I suspect is has at least something to do with burnout from my last relationship. I don't feel that desire to meet someone. I think it would take up too much time and effort right now. I don't even think id accept a date unless they were gorgeous, intelligent, and kind, which I have yet to find anyway. Why settle is what I wonder? Only thing is, is eventually I want kids so I hope my mindset changes before that opportunity is gone.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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Fairytales do not exist and it is always important to focus on spirituality, friends and family, and a career regardless of relationship status. Relationships aren't easy. They are about boundaries and compromises and sharing the best and worst parts of real life. If you want Disney fairytales, then you probably wont enjoy mortgages and 1 a.m. baby feedings. Marriage is real and can be challenging if you have a self absorbed, immature or lazy partner.

The great thing about life is you get to write your own personal script for your life. You don't have to conform to anyone's idea of what life looks like.

Best,

Grumps

 

Thanks Grumps, always love reading your advice. I hope that I can find a guy who treats me good and that I treat good! I'd rather be single than fight with someone over bs though right now, low tolerance for many things really.

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

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Hope you like masturbation!

 

You have to be in a relationship to get off? That's news to me.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying single. I know quite a few very happy single people. I definitely think you should use your sister as your role model; she's got it going on!

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RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

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Thanks smackie9, you are so right, my friends appear desperate in my eyes! I feel like shaking them all and being like wtf dump the losers and live your lives. It can't only be my friends that are like this because I have many friends and I feel this way about most of their relationships. They all put up with general bs like feeling neglected, them mentioning another girl's looks, spending the weekend doing something they don't enjoy for the sake of their bf.

 

Worries me that maybe I'm just a b*tch but I suspect is has at least something to do with burnout from my last relationship. I don't feel that desire to meet someone. I think it would take up too much time and effort right now. I don't even think id accept a date unless they were gorgeous, intelligent, and kind, which I have yet to find anyway. Why settle is what I wonder? Only thing is, is eventually I want kids so I hope my mindset changes before that opportunity is gone.

 

Society tells us we need to be in a relationship. It's an expectation. Forget about the fact that a majority of people in relationships are in some capacity unhappy with them. Just be in one....because that's what all the people that don't have to deal with your relationship want.

 

Single is where it's at.

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Hello_is_it_me Established Member

Hello_is_it_me

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Some people are happiest when single. Some people are happiest when in a relationship. From what OP writes, it seems they would like to be in a happy relationship, but are giving up the search and justifying with denial. I say a more healthy solution would be to keep dating but with no expectations. That way you won't ever be disappointed and who knows.. You may stumble upon someone amazing in time. But you'll never know if you stop trying completely.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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Some people are happiest when single. Some people are happiest when in a relationship. From what OP writes, it seems they would like to be in a happy relationship, but are giving up the search and justifying with denial. I say a more healthy solution would be to keep dating but with no expectations. That way you won't ever be disappointed and who knows.. You may stumble upon someone amazing in time. But you'll never know if you stop trying completely.

 

I've always wanted relationships in the past but as time goes on I see them as more of a pain than a blessing I guess. Ideally I could meet someone who didn't drive me nuts and I drive them nuts. For example my ex was really into camping and I'm not a camper. I did it for him sometimes though and I would somewhat dread going. I only ever did that for him and at this point of my life I don't feel like doing stuff that I don't want to do! I'm in a bit of a selfish place I guess.

 

I think right now I am happiest and best off as single.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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And thank you for the advice/ opinions guys, much appreciated.

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Hello_is_it_me Established Member

Hello_is_it_me

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I've always wanted relationships in the past but as time goes on I see them as more of a pain than a blessing I guess. Ideally I could meet someone who didn't drive me nuts and I drive them nuts. For example my ex was really into camping and I'm not a camper. I did it for him sometimes though and I would somewhat dread going. I only ever did that for him and at this point of my life I don't feel like doing stuff that I don't want to do! I'm in a bit of a selfish place I guess.

 

I think right now I am happiest and best off as single.

 

You're letting your past dictate your future. Gotta stay optimistic, man.

kodakgirl Established Member

kodakgirl

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If you are happy being single right now, that is awesome! Be single and enjoy it. If you do happen to randomly meet a fellow who blows you away, definitely don't rule out pursuing things, but if you aren't blown away, why bother?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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You're letting your past dictate your future. Gotta stay optimistic, man.

 

Perhaps not. Maybe she just knows what she wants.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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This it tho, relationships come and go which is needed to know what we want, and what we don't want. The experiences prepare us for marriage. The more you go through the more likely you won't settle, have a more sucessful marriage. There is nothing wrong with being done with relationships for awhile either. I did it myself for a year and a half before I met my husband. Just focused on living and having fun, and dating was totally out. Uhhh how I hated dating so it was a nice break.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Most couples were never all that into each other to begin with.

 

Most people cannot find good chemistry with a loyal and decent partner.

 

Ultimately, most people end up settling with a solid and reliable parte who they were never excited about to begin with.

 

Although, sometimes one person is crazy about their partner but it's rare to be crazy about a person and have them be crazy about you too.

 

 

 

 

I know ONE couple who were really smitten from day one. They get the passionate sex as well as a loyal and loving partner .

 

This is rare.

 

I am far happier single than I am with some guy who isn't totally into me.

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WrinkledForehead Established Member

WrinkledForehead

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I did enjoy being single. I learned so much about myself and just really learned to enjoy being with me. I loathed dating and was also jaded for quite some time so I took a two year break by myself. Now I'm with someone, and my life has been enhanced by his presence. Of course it's never always sunshine and rainbows, but it fits. I have reflected on one thought often and I find it reassuring: I can be happy alone.

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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Most couples were never all that into each other to begin with.

 

Most people cannot find good chemistry with a loyal and decent partner.

 

Ultimately, most people end up settling with a solid and reliable parte who they were never excited about to begin with.

 

Although, sometimes one person is crazy about their partner but it's rare to be crazy about a person and have them be crazy about you too.

 

 

 

 

I know ONE couple who were really smitten from day one. They get the passionate sex as well as a loyal and loving partner .

 

This is rare.

 

I am far happier single than I am with some guy who isn't totally into me.

 

Leigh, I have been following your posts and this is one thing you always say and stand by and I agree with you. I think a lot of people settle but that's not what I want. I'm looking for equal affection on both sides and I want my partner to be really into me and me into them. If not the relationship seems to fail eventually anyways.

 

Settling can mean one thing for someone and one thing to someone else at the same time.

 

Dating takes effort in itself and right now I don't have effort to put into that area. I'm exceptionally busy and happy with the way things are. I do hope that one day I find what I'm looking for though :)

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Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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I did enjoy being single. I learned so much about myself and just really learned to enjoy being with me. I loathed dating and was also jaded for quite some time so I took a two year break by myself. Now I'm with someone, and my life has been enhanced by his presence. Of course it's never always sunshine and rainbows, but it fits. I have reflected on one thought often and I find it reassuring: I can be happy alone.

 

That's exactly what I'm doing, figuring out what I like and want out of life, making plans, working on my social circle, doing things for me, and there is no one there to put a bad taste in my mouth besides myself. I never get upset anymore- as I use to with my ex because it felt like I was sacrificing a bit too much for my liking although I was in no way a door mat me an my ex were just very different people. I never considered compatibility as much as I do now. I think having similar interests is huge. It seems like I'd be looking for a needle in a hay stack though so best to just focus on bettering my life.

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