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How should I deal with an insecure or overcaring girlfriend?

andreap

By andreap
in General Relationship Discussion

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andreap Member

andreap

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We have been together for a year an a half. We are even talking about marriage. However, a quirk of hers (I think it is the only one she has) is pissing me off. She is ALWAYS asking for approval for everything. Every plan, idea, anything, she always ask. Are you sure you want that? Is that ok with you? If you dont want it we can do another thing. I have already told her in a nice way that she has to be sure of herself and stopo asking so many questions. If she does not make choices, someone else is going to make them for her. Today I told her that I wanted to have lunch with her during my work break. She inmediatly ask me "Are you sure you dont prefer to rest? I dont want to get in the middle of you routine" WTF. I know she means well, but I want to spend the rest of my life with someone I can walk with, not carry around. Maybe I am overreacting. Any advice?

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Valen Established Member

Valen

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I think she is adorable lol. :laugh: I wouldn't change her.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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If she keeps giving you alternatives - take them.

At one point she will appear disappointed. She may even tell you....

 

It's at this point that you THEN need to talk to her, and tell her FIRMLY to quit giving you alternatives when you've already made your mind up!

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EverLastluv Established Member

EverLastluv

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Gota love her ;) at least she aint a woman who wants to suck the life out of you ..... she cares about your well being.

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Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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If you really love her you give her lots of time and love. Insecurity is not something you overcome overnight. Make her slowly comfortable with telling you what she likes. Tell her you like to hear that from her. Let her make the steps she feels up to. And please try not to be annoyed with her, that will make her only more anxious than she already is. Patience and honest communication that is the way to make her feel safe with you.

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Forever Learning Established Member

Forever Learning

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Lots of great advice on this thread. I think what she is doing is just a bad habit she's gotten into.

 

Be warned, she might NOT be able to kick this habit. My Mother never could, no matter how I tried to change her. But my mother is 72. You may have better luck since your girlfriend is still young..... Give it a try, - TELL her how annoying it is when she does what she does.

 

In fact, you can even practice.

 

Tell her that you are about to let her know that you are going to visit her at lunch, and you want her response to be 'Ok, Cool!!'.

 

Then actually tell her you will visit her at lunch, and she actually says 'Ok, Cool!', like you asked her to do.

 

You might feel retarded doing this, but oh well. It gets the point across. Sometimes.....

 

Maybe this will help sink this new behavior into her brain a bit. I do this with my Mom, but it doesn't last....... but she's an old dog who doesn't want to learn new tricks. Your girlfriend is probably a totally different story (God willing :laugh: )

 

Best of luck to you! I will have my fingers crossed for you both :D

Edited by Forever Learning
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andreap Member

andreap

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Love you guys! Best advice ever! haha

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