starla33 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 So barely into dating this guy that I have already only slept with a few times he asked me to get on BCP because he doesn't want to use condoms. I've had other guys ask me this previously as well really early on in dating. Are people insane? If you are not even exclusive how is this ok to ask? 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 It's not okay. He can ask, just say no. You're having sex with everyone else he's having sex with! You're okay with sex without exclusivity? 4
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 So barely into dating this guy that I have already only slept with a few times he asked me to get on BCP because he doesn't want to use condoms. I've had other guys ask me this previously as well really early on in dating. Are people insane? If you are not even exclusive how is this ok to ask? Some would argue that if you aren't exclusive you shouldn't be having sex... However you should let this guy know how you feel! He's only thinking of himself and his pleasure because let's face it they can't feel a whole lot with one on
Author starla33 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 It's not okay. He can ask, just say no. You're having sex with everyone else he's having sex with! You're okay with sex without exclusivity? At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here. But if that's the case he could be getting it on with 6 other women in that large young city...
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here. Impossible for who? Everyone? (I find that hard to believe) Or you?
Author starla33 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 But if that's the case he could be getting it on with 6 other women in that large young city... Well yeah obviously would not be ok with that
thecrucible Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Yeah I agree with the above. That is gross. Although I'm on contraceptive implant, I'd still want the guy to use condoms.
Author starla33 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Impossible for who? Everyone? (I find that hard to believe) Or you? Everyone. People from other places just don't get it sorry
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Everyone. People from other places just don't get it sorry It's okay. Good luck.
Phantom888 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here. That brings with it a whole lot of unnecessary risks. You have to assume a percentage of people he is sleeping with agree to not use condoms with him. He must be selfish for asking you to go on BCP before you are exclusive. I mean, there are risks and effects associated with birth control hormones. Why would he expect you to take such risks for him if neither is ready to commit minimally?
SoonMyFriend Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Ignoring the comments about exclusivity & sex because really... it's your choice.. I am also on the IUD like another poster, and I'd still insist on condoms. You just can't be too careful with STDs (and even pregnancy even when on BCP/other forms of BC). If you don't want to stop using condoms, just tell him and stick to it.
soccerrprp Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here. This is so wrong in so many ways.... So, instead of living up to YOUR values, you condemn yourself to this wretched city's?! Don't be okay to sleep w/o protection from STDs. That means HE WEARS A CONDOM OR NO SEX. Yes, a guy asking you to get birth control so he doesn't have to wear a condom is absurd. What city is this? Gommorah? 1
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 So barely into dating this guy that I have already only slept with a few times he asked me to get on BCP because he doesn't want to use condoms. I've had other guys ask me this previously as well really early on in dating. Are people insane? If you are not even exclusive how is this ok to ask? Then both of you wait 3 months, with condoms, and go for a full STI testing. I say 3 months because if he slept with someone a month ago and got herpes it will take 3 months to show up in a screening and 80% of men with herpes do not have symptoms. I would like to let know how as well that hpv often comes with no symptoms. It's nothing for men but it's a cancer hazard for women. Stopping condoms is a serious business lady, you need to know the facts.
soccerrprp Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 To back to your original question as to why? Well, it feels better w/o a condom. That simple. Also, spontaneity is better achieved w/o having to think of putting on a condom when you are aroused and ready to go. My gf and I started with condoms, both got tested, STD-confirmed, now NO CONDOMS. I have a vasectomy, so pregnancy not an issue .
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Then both of you wait 3 months, with condoms, and go for a full STI testing. I say 3 months because if he slept with someone a month ago and got herpes it will take 3 months to show up in a screening and 80% of men with herpes do not have symptoms. I would like to let know how as well that hpv often comes with no symptoms. It's nothing for men but it's a cancer hazard for women. Stopping condoms is a serious business lady, you need to know the facts. What happens at the three month mark? He's still sleeping with others. 1
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 What happens at the three month mark? He's still sleeping with others. That was assuming they were exclusive. I would not trust a man I met 1 month ago that he's not having sex with others. 1
carhill Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 why do guys do this? Because they can and it's worked for them in the past. With men, it's simple. They do what works. Few men salivate at the thought of strapping on a condom so, path least resistance and pragmatism, perhaps lubricated by some smooth talking and 'oh baby's', gets them what they want, meaning condom-less sex, so they hone that process over repeated experiences in life.
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 That was assuming they were exclusive. I would not trust a man I met 1 month ago that he's not having sex with others. Exactly. She knows that he is, that's the scary thing. I guess if there are no other options in that city? Hmmmmm
somedude81 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this time yeah. Early on it's pretty much impossible here to be exclusive, I'm in a large young city and that is just how it is here. Bullsh*t. You obviously have no issue attracting men. Just tell them, no sex until exclusivity. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 That was assuming they were exclusive. I would not trust a man I met 1 month ago that he's not having sex with others. The thought of "sharing" makes me shudder!! 1
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Exactly. She knows that he is, that's the scary thing. I guess if there are no other options in that city? Hmmmmm oops! I missed the part where they are not exclusive, it drives me up the wall when I hear about not using protection! and the ignorance out there about STI, their incubation time, their means of transmission, just blows my mind! 1
SYLLPalmer Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Everyone. People from other places just don't get it sorry I get it. You are fine doll. Simply deny his request on the basis of the early juncture of the relationship. Humor his complaints about condoms and tell him he is not alone with this desensitizing complaint but then militantly bring him back to reality. I look him right in the eye when he is on his back and say "Not negotiable. Ball is in your court baby. Wrap it up or zip it up and hit the road." It he can't get his rocks off from sex with a rubber he is in good company. Many women don't get their rocks off from sex period. There is more than one way to peel the banana. 1
Mrin Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I get the ask but like others I think that is part of a much larger discussion around exclusivity. If you're being exclusive with each other then it is a legitimate point of discussion. Some have alluded to being faithful. I have a different spin on that. When I become exclusive and shed the condom, I have a very frank conversation with my GF around expectations. While a betrayal would harm my heart, I don't want it to in any way threaten my life or the wellbeing of my daughters (my ability to be a good father). Any sex with another person, protected or not, must be immediately disclosed. Most of the women i've dated are mature enough to realize that condoms aren't 100% effective and there are a whole host of ways and critters that can still be transmitted during "protected" sex. So in some ways, I think it helps keep people faithful.
Author starla33 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 oops! I missed the part where they are not exclusive, it drives me up the wall when I hear about not using protection! and the ignorance out there about STI, their incubation time, their means of transmission, just blows my mind! Nowhere in my post did I say I would sleep with someone WITHOUT a condom. I was asking why MEN do this. Because it is ridiculous with all the STD's around.
Recommended Posts