Rainyday_25 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) I am a divorced mother of 1, I started a new relationship about 6 months after separating from my husband. The man I started dating was a very old friend, whom I've always had a reciprocated sexual attraction to. He ended his failing marriage and started a relationship with me. After a few wonderful months I started feeling like I was ignoring my own wants and need to please him. Against my better judgement I moved in, and things got worse. Despite the tension in the relationship, I have never loved anyone as whole-heartedly as I have loved him. After a lot of arguments, episodes of silent treatment on both sides, and a sex Cold War, we broke up. I was devastated and quickly regretted my decision to move out... But there was another girl in his life less than two days later. She moved herself and her children in within two weeks. I cannot even describe the amount of heartbreak I endured. I tried to move on with my life, did a lot of dating, stayed really busy. I saw him at the house of a mutual friend a couple months later, and although he didn't say it, it was clear he regretted his decision. About a month later he broke up with her and came and told me. It didn't take much convincing to win me back. Since then things have been a mixed bag, I love him so much, but its so hard for me to forgive him for moving on. I'm sure he was talking to her before we ended. He insists she and her husband that she went back to ruined his career and his life. (He lost his house and job and now lives with me.) The cops were called a lot during the course of their relationship. He swears it didn't take long for him to realize what he lost when we separated. I have held on to this feeling that he would be with her if he had the choice and that I am just convenient. I've verbalized this many times, and he denies it. A couple of weeks ago we had a fight, which lasted a couple of days. I found out he was spying on her FB and he lied to my face about it. He told me he hated her and it wasn't what I thought. I told him I keep trying to rebuild trust and he keeps doing things to tear me back down. He insists that all of our problems stem from him not having an income, because he thinks every woman expects an income and security from a man and the relationship for to **** if they don't have it. I told him I've done so much for him, it isn't about money, I've given him everything I have to give, even after he ruined my life. (I was referring to our break up, which put me in therapy and on meds. I now have an anxiety disorder.) He got so angry that he leaned over and whispered in my ear, in the most hateful voice, that the girl he left me for was the best F#%* he's ever had. I just laid there and cried and he taunted me asking "oh, what's wrong? Are you sad?" My heart was broken all over again. He later told me he only said it to hurt me. It's been about two weeks since that happened. I'm still heartbroken. I don't trust him, and all my fears about him wanting to be with her are front and center again. I'm so angry. I can't imagine being passionate, or even feeling the fullness of love I used to feel for him. I still care for him, and I don't want him to leave, but I can't bring myself close to him. I cut him off sexually, afraid that it would make me cry. I didn't think it would matter because lately I've been the one pushing for sex and I feel like he does it just to appease me. Now he begs for it all the time, and whines when he doesn't get it. I gave in the other night because I was tired of pushing him away, but he quit after ten minutes, saying I just didn't seem into it. I don't know if I'll ever be into it again. I don't know if I'm just hurt, or if my relationship is over. It's been almost two years since the beginning of our relationship, I thought I wanted to marry him, now I don't know if I'll ever want to. Edited April 3, 2014 by Rainyday_25
Mcnulty Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 He's a passive aggressive mean spirited individual and possibly a cheater and liar who is using you from what you have written...sorry to say it as i see it, but he is using you i think. As much as it hurt you to lose him, could you ever truly be happy, not walking on eggshells with him?
FierceFoxie Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 He needs to be alone for awhile. It's apparent he jumps from one relationship to the next. Honestly, forget this guy. He has alot of growing up to do.
Trapp-er Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You wrote: "He got so angry that he leaned over and whispered in my ear, in the most hateful voice, that the girl he left me for was the best F#%* he's ever had." No one that loves you should ever say this to someone they care about. The fact that he said it solely to hurt you and then taunted you about it afterward speaks volumes about his character. Get out of that relationship--it's toxic. You even mentioned that you had to seek counseling and are now on meds--good for you knowing when you need support, but I suspect you were not on them before dating him (maybe never have been?). He's not good for you. He takes love from you and cannot reciprocate. He's selfish. Run, don't walk away from this person and take care of yourself. Trapp.
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