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stuck in a rut what am i to do??


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Posted

i cannot believe how sad i feel right now, i am so scared im going to lose my boyfriend sorry if this is long..basically my boyfriend went out last night with his mates and i got jealous cos we hardly go out anymore,so as soon as he visited me i brought the subject up, feelin so sad and confused as to the fact we shud do more and try to be together more, my boyfriend simply told me i need a life of my own, im stuck in rut and i need friends, ppl i can go out with, ppl i can spend time with outside his company, he told me i need a job (iv been searchin for so long for one but never had the motivation to actually go for it) and that i need to sort my life out, he felt upset seeing me like this.he said he feels like its all his fault i dont see my old friends anymore and i just rely on him all the time and he said because of this he sort of resents me a little, cos he feels he has to be the one to actually make me do things whilst were apart. he also started mentioning me gettin a job as 'believe it when i see it'. i didnt know what to say, i became lost for words, i just muttered a little and said im wantin to get my life back on track and actually GET a job and get out of the 'staying in with my own company' routine, he said were both oposites cos he likes ppls company and i dont ike it al that much.he said weve been together long enough to say that being ashamed of me is a ridiculous thing to say...we are yet to continue this conversation,,,but right now i feel so depressed, im so scared of losing him, i feel iv totally f*cked things up and all the great times where i seemed so attractive have long gone....im so worried i really dont know what to do...can things get better or does this mean things between us will change cos he realises im so weak?

Posted

I know how you feel. And I hate to say it, but probably the best thing for you to do is to pull yourself out of the rut. Find a job and go and hang out with your old friends, make new friends... Things will get better if you do this. It sounds like you are co-dependent, and that puts a huge strain on your boyfriend and the entire relationship. You have to learn how to have an existence that's seperate from him, that doesn't rely on only him for your happiness. That doesn't mean you have to end your relationship. Just go out there and do the things that make you happy.

Posted

It doesn't mean that you're going to lose him. Spira is right in saying that co-dependence is a huge strain on your SO. I've been there, and it took everything I had to give... and it still wasn't enough.

 

But as to what you should do...

 

My fiance' is incredibly sociable, loves people (though not large crowds or people she doesn't know,) very energetic... and very emotional. I, on the other hand, can be very sociable though I prefer to keep to myself anymore, am not very impressed with humanity as a whole, and while highly energetic I don't have to constantly be doing something. And I'm not all that emotional... except that I have a predisposition to depression.

 

If you are comfortable not going out or interacting with friends, that's perfectly fine. The problem is that you're not okay, because you begrudge your boyfriend for doing exactly the opposite. And you've said before that you're depressed about not having a job. A job that you can throw yourself into is a wonderful thing.

 

The most important thing to do is to find out what works for you. Find out what you enjoy. Find a nice plase to sit, B&N come to mind, grab some coffee and just start writing about it. Don't censor, dont think too hard. Just let it flow. And if nothing comes to mind, grab some coffee and just sit and watch people in the cafe, or traffic... just see what starts to form in your minds eye.

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