Simon Phoenix Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 You guys are not going to like me saying this but I ended up going to the bbq. My work colleague explained she would be mortified if i didn't attend. Thing is my ex wasn't there. She was a no show. And when the host called her she made some lame excuse. We had spoken and she confirmed she would see me Saturday.. It seems like since the kiss she has finally realised enough is enough. I saw her later on that day and she said that her new boyfriend she doesn't love him his personality is terrible. We can be friends but thats all and nothing more...she looked great. So hard to accept she doesn't want me anymore. After the bond I thought we had.. I have to let this go but its so hard. She even said c'mon it's been 6 months..so hard It's never going to get better if you keep doing this stupid crap. At this point she's not holding you back, you're holding yourself back. 1
Author Frankie L Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Honestly man I am devastated.. she didn't show. She knows I was going and I was looking forward to it. When we spoke in the week like the first time since us kissing she said "chill we havent spoke because I'm seeing you Saturday aren't I" She didn't even turn up. When the host called her she passed the phone back to me. I said I'm upset your not here I was looking forward to it. I went to her house and she come out to see me. She looked absolutely beautiful man. Come out in a dress she was going to wear for a wedding. She looked phenomenal and I told her how beautiful she looked. I was such an idiot. I don't even know why I went. She just said thank you and chatted a little bit. I hate her walking away because I know she isn't coming back.. She's going on holiday in 2 weeks. She looks so good and seems so happy. It hurts me so much because I gave her everything I could. And she just doesn't want me anymore which I need to get my head around. Sh said it wasn't easy for her to get over me and she would stay in touch. She hasn't called since ...gutted man
Author Frankie L Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 One thing I'm struggling to understand.. A lot of people say to you, you will find someone better, you can do better than this! Look at how she treated you! Ok Ok. That's cool, I understand. But what if... She only treated you like crap when you broke up? What if... When you were together she was the most caring, loving, beautiful, compassionate girl/girlfriend you have ever had? And only acted horribly when you broke up? Then how are you meant to believe you can go on to find better? Seriously I look back now on my ex and I think Oh man. Literally she was beautiful, and you name it she had/could do it..and I look over some of the posts when people say negative traits with there ex's and the only thing I can think of with mine is that "she wasnt overly appreciative!" Wow.. what a put off! smh What I'm saying is that when we were together there was little thing for me to be overly concerned about. And I had never met someone so loving and passionate, However when we broke up, She turned into a completely different person, It was so very weird.... Thoughts
Michael 93 Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 Sometimes people change, it is beyond your control. These things just happen to come out of the blue although to them it is something they have been pondering for a long time. Obviously they felt you weren't benefiting there life in any way so they bailed...It is their loss. They left. I guess one way you should look at it is nobody deserves to be unhappy, that also includes yourself. Keep battling.
BC1980 Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 No one is all bad or all good. It's not even about finding someone better, but it will be someone different. After a breakup, people usually say you will find someone better because it's polite to say that. Don't put too much stock into it. They're just trying to be nice and make you feel better.
Author Frankie L Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 I know that. What I cant quite get around is that when we were together she was the perfect girlfriend I could ask for. Seriously. From the first time I met her I knew she was the one I wanted. When we were together, she was cute, kind, did a lot of gestures for me, we both dedicated space with our friends and had a healthy balance in our RS. She would always show her love. The problem being I didn't appreciate the RS we had enough, I didnt take her out to enough places, sure we went out to bowling and meals and out with family to the park and days out and stuff but I rarely went out with her for a drink and stay at a hotel (only on our anniversary) and went on holiday or anything like that... She said I didn't appreciate her enough and that I was the one who let her slip. She would of done anything for me and was fully committed but I messed it up. I mean yeah we did argue but nothing absolutely ground breaking, I remember her asking me to invite my mom to her parents for Christmas day and I didn't want to (own reasons) and for us to arrange New Years Day together, I didn't do that but I showed up and surprised her anyway (at a friends family party) What I'm trying to get at is.... How am I meant to move on when the only time this woman wasn't perfect is when we broke up. That was pretty much the only time she was horrible and changed when we were together I thought the love was unbreakable. Now I'm paying the price because I read other stories and can visibly see that the others ex's were bad for them whereas with mine you cant see that and I'm pretty sure its making it harder for me
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I know that. What I cant quite get around is that when we were together she was the perfect girlfriend I could ask for. Seriously. From the first time I met her I knew she was the one I wanted. When we were together, she was cute, kind, did a lot of gestures for me, we both dedicated space with our friends and had a healthy balance in our RS. She would always show her love. The problem being I didn't appreciate the RS we had enough, I didnt take her out to enough places, sure we went out to bowling and meals and out with family to the park and days out and stuff but I rarely went out with her for a drink and stay at a hotel (only on our anniversary) and went on holiday or anything like that... She said I didn't appreciate her enough and that I was the one who let her slip. She would of done anything for me and was fully committed but I messed it up. I mean yeah we did argue but nothing absolutely ground breaking, I remember her asking me to invite my mom to her parents for Christmas day and I didn't want to (own reasons) and for us to arrange New Years Day together, I didn't do that but I showed up and surprised her anyway (at a friends family party) What I'm trying to get at is.... How am I meant to move on when the only time this woman wasn't perfect is when we broke up. That was pretty much the only time she was horrible and changed when we were together I thought the love was unbreakable. Now I'm paying the price because I read other stories and can visibly see that the others ex's were bad for them whereas with mine you cant see that and I'm pretty sure its making it harder for me A big misconception is that we need to demonize our exes. They must be awful if they don't want to be with you, and, in some cases, that is certainly true. Some people are abusers or cheaters, and those people are certainly worthy of blame. However, most people are just people, and the relationship didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Both parties are usually to blame. I think there are definitely a lot of stories on LS that are extreme because people who have been in awful situations are more likely to look for outside support. There are also many run of the mill situations on LS. I actually wanted to demonize my ex, and my family and friends were more than happy to support that. True enough, some stuff my ex did was deplorable, but he had his redeeming qualities. I had to take my share of the blame too, which is difficult for any of us to do. My advice would be to just be honest about what the relationship was. One book I bought actually wanted you to make a little of 10 good things and 10 bad things, some instances where you felt you messed up, where the other party messed up, ect. I thought it was kind of odd at first, but it actually helped me to see the entire thing for what it was. After that, you were supposed to write a letter to your ex (but don't send it) thanking them for the good and bad times and saying goodbye. It helped me move forward and see that people are just people.
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