emotionalMess Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Dude. You are not listening. Most of the people here have already been through this and you are f**king up by refusing to listen. The more you keep in contact there is no chance in the future. All is probably lost by all the contact you have had. She is weening herself off of you. Dont let her!!! She dumped you for another. Do you want to be 2nd choice for anyone ever? Can you honestly look yourself in the mirror and ever in a million years trust your heart to her again? It is bull that she cant break up with him. She is attracted to him because he does not give a sh**t about her and she is trying to change him. She knows you do care and are suffering and that is not attractive. Dude, we can all predict you are going to continue to contact at any excuse then put yourself at square one again. How about going out on a date? Not anything serious but just to have a little fun. You have a lot insecurity stuff and other self-awareness stuff to work on. You do not love yourself. You do not like yourself period. You must find out how to do this. Once you have your self-respect, you will look back on her as a horrible person. 2
Author Frankie L Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 @Simon Phoenix @emotionalMess Thank you both. I really really appreciate it. I actually woke up this morning and thought about the way she has treated me since the split. Moving on within 2 weeks of the relationship didn't mourn the loss of me at all!! This new guy can't be much if she's kissing me. But uno what they are welcome to each other. I have give it all I possibly can and that hasn't been good enough for her. So I'm going to let her find what she supposedly deserves. She has treated me like dirt. When we was in the club I saw her messaging this guy and pictures of him on her phone. This was not the girl I fell in love with I don't know this person anymore. She dosen t deserve me, all I'm doing is making the situation 10x worse initiating contact. I'm out of this man....why am I even still giving her my support and love after what she has done. I'm so low
Sophia1213 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 This girl is cruel! She takes advantage of your love for her to the max. You are not slow, you have a heart but its your responsibility to protect that against people who do not deserve it. 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Okay see ... I'm going to disagree with the others here. She didn't want you as a friend - she wanted you as a back up - she still does want you as a back up She recognized something about her current relationship was off - so she reached out to make herself comfortable again NC is for YOU - don't talk to her again until you are in a place where what you do for her NO LONGER MATTERS TO YOU ... More importantly - until what she needs ... wants ... expects from you NO LONGER MATTERS TO YOU
Author Frankie L Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Thank you. I agree with you all in what you are saying. I can't believe it has come to this. If I had of implemented NC from the off then I wouldn't be at this stage now. I guess it's just taken me a long time to realise that I need to stop fighting. After last weekend's antics I feel even worse than what I did before. Being passionate with her has just bought the feelings back and now I can totally say I am at stage one. She hasnt contacted me since. Just seems like one big game to her. In the end she will still have cheated on him though. She will always know that. Thanks guys
Author Frankie L Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Hi All, Just need a bit of help today as I'm feeling really low. Obviously you are aware that me and my ex kissed last weekend. I have spoken to you all and you still advised that I should go NC as I am being used as the second option emotional crutch boy.. A day after we kissed I went to see her, she didn't turn me down like previous times and we spoke and had a laugh. Seemed as though it used too, whilst we were speaking I could still see her new guys name pop up on the phone. saw that they weren't having the nicest conversation. Turns out someone had informed him that we were together in the club the night before. She said that she regretted the night before (however not the actual kiss) just the way it occurred and that it should never of happened as it is not a good thing for both of us getting my hopes up etc, plus its not good with her boyfriend. She said it wouldn't be the last time we saw each other but she doesn't want to mention the night again. She explained she wanted to stay in contact with me and that she still has feelings for me. I called her a couple of days later (sometime last week) and she just seemed so distant like she didn't really want to talk and that I should basically give up. I was trying to make conversation and she just wasn't interested at all. I have been NC ever since I think this was Wednesday last week. We are both due to see each other at a work colleagues BBQ on the weekend. It will only be a few people there and will be quite close contact. She knows I am going and I know she is as we both spoke about it since the kiss. She said "yeah It should be a good night" This is this Saturday coming. I'm really really not sure how to play this night at all I am going to be so anxious. I'm really confused. She hasn't tried to initiate contact at all not a peep. Her boyfriend is now back from holiday so I think this could be something to do with it. I wish she would just call to see how I am. We had a great relationship and both loved each other. Since NC I have gone through so many emotions. At the moment I am in the anger stage, thinking over how she has treated me since then. Its just not good at all.. I came into work today and saw a promotional campaign and my ex was on there. Just kind of set me back a little seeing her again. Silly and pathetic I know. But it made me want to reach out to her .. Why is this not getting better??
Simon Phoenix Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) I'd blow off this BBQ. It's not going to be good for you. And No Contact takes months to have an effect -- you haven't been able to keep it for a week yet. But yeah, you really need to stay strong and not get weak again. You've had no self-control and you've been destroyed because of it. Edited June 2, 2014 by Simon Phoenix
Author Frankie L Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I'd blow off this BBQ. It's not going to be good for you. And No Contact takes months to have an effect -- you haven't been able to keep it for a week yet. But yeah, you really need to stay strong and not get weak again. You've had no self-control and you've been destroyed because of it. I was thinking whether people would suggest that. :(.. Wouldn't that show her though that I am affected and cant handle her? It..Especially after the way things have gone the last couple of weeks? Would you be against going and being completely cordial with her? Man this is difficult I need to Sac up I guess. I shall continue with NC and developing myself. I don't think I've managed to last over 2 weeks to be honest. What do you advise Simon? Are you now happy and over whatever you experienced?
Author Frankie L Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I feel absolutely lost in the headlights :(:(
Michael 93 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 MAN O MAN What a mind F***. I really feel for you dude. Listen to these guys on here believe me... Im even stuck on what to reccomend on the BBQ. Real tough one...
Always Pondering Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Why is this not getting better?? It's because you aren't following NC. If anything I think you're screwing yourself over by staying in contact and doing all of these things. I'm at around one year post-BU and I've done all that silly stuff already. In this past year, sticking to NC was the best thing for me. I was in absolute ruin before I decided to stop pining over a relationship that was already dead. I'm five months NC and broke it a couple of times prior to that. It would have been better if I didn't but I made mistakes. Listen to the others here on LS, they have experience and aren't clouded with emotions. 1
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Hi OP! Please don't go to the BBQ. If you don't go, it might show her that you don't care enough to make an excuse to see her. You can't be cordial to her because you would take anything she says and make it something else. Please please go NC. My take on the situation is she was definantly with him before y'all broke up. Now she is stringing you along to be her back up. Don't let her do this to you because you deserve better. You will only get better once you realize that is what you deserve. Treat NC as a changing experience to make yourself better but not for her. Do it for something better. The best way I got through NC was one day at a time. I started small like "if I could make it through yesterday with out talking to him, I can make it through today." Then it got to "I made it a week without talking to him, I can make it through 12 hours." And so on and so forth. Now it's 11 months later and I don't even care. You will get there too! Just stay strong!! I wish the best to you!
BC1980 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I feel absolutely lost in the headlights :(:( NC doesn't work immediately. You are going to feel so many different emotions, but you can't contact her as a way to deal with the emotions. Each time you break NC, you keep adding to the mess you will have to eventually wade through. I'm telling you, as a person who stayed in LC and then broke NC, contacting her is not helping you move on. You will stay stuck in the denial. I know it feels awful, but it won't feel this bad forever if you stay NC. 1
Author Frankie L Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 @April Moon @BC1980 @Always Pondering I am in a bit of a dilemma on whether to go or not... One part of me wants to go too see what will happen, we will be in our own social circle that we used to have when we were together. After spending the weekend with her recently it was nice to be around her so there's that aspect. Or go there and enjoy myself an not get too wrapped up in the element with her and keep a level head and speak when spoken to. But then there's the other side of me saying, she doesn't deserve to be around me, she doesn't deserve any more than a head nod. I would love to turn around and say please never talk to me again I cannot forgive what you have done. She knows I have been looking forward to it, She said she would remain in contact, she hasn't. So now I feel as though I shouldn't go.. But if I don't then shes going to know its because shes going and I've bottled it. I am in so much denial seriously. Hardest part of the B/U process IMO
Chi townD Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I was thinking whether people would suggest that. :(.. Wouldn't that show her though that I am affected and cant handle her? It..Especially after the way things have gone the last couple of weeks? Would you be against going and being completely cordial with her? Man this is difficult I need to Sac up I guess. I shall continue with NC and developing myself. I don't think I've managed to last over 2 weeks to be honest. What do you advise Simon? Are you now happy and over whatever you experienced? Geez, here we go again! Okay....back to my post a few pages back. You are a crackhead, dopehead, speed freak alcoholic. What part of that metaphor didn't you understand? So, now you're thinking about going to a BBQ where YOU KNOW she'll be at. Well, you're the alcoholic that is just getting out of 2 months at a detox center. Now you're out and are very serious about your sobriety. But, your friends what to hold a Welcome home party for you at a bar! DOES THAT MAKE ANY FRICKIN SENSE TO YOU!!!! You stated that your Ex is telling you what a douche rocket her new man is; yet, she still chooses him over you. So, open your eyes! Things are fine with them! She tells you what YOU want to hear to keep you filled with false hope and keep you on the hook. Last week she meets up with you, tells you what you want to hear and even kisses you. Now, you're writing that her boyfriend is back from holiday! Well!!! Looks like "Frankie Boy" was filling a void while boyfriend was away! Since he's been back, how much interaction has she started with you. My guess? NONE!!! See, at one point, you found your balls and told her that your were ending ALL CONTACT with her. But, she didn't want that. SO! She tells you all the right things to keep you around and keep you filled with just enough false hope so she continues to get what SHE wants. Not what you asked for. What SHE WANTS! So, you know what I'm gonna say next. Stay the hell away from that BBQ. (Now, I have to go and tell Michael93 the same thing.) 2
Simon Phoenix Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I was thinking whether people would suggest that. :(.. Wouldn't that show her though that I am affected and cant handle her? It..Especially after the way things have gone the last couple of weeks? Would you be against going and being completely cordial with her? Man this is difficult I need to Sac up I guess. I shall continue with NC and developing myself. I don't think I've managed to last over 2 weeks to be honest. What do you advise Simon? Are you now happy and over whatever you experienced? You are affected and can't handle her. Part of being a mature adult is recognizing when to walk away from a battle that you are ill-equipped to fight. And dude, you're ill-equipped. That's not a bad thing -- it's normal for a breakup -- but it's extremely delayed on your part because you've lacked the discipline to stay away from her. I'm way over what I experienced and have been for well over a year. I stay around here because a) I like to help and b) it's kind of addicting. Ditch the damn BBQ. There is absolutely no upside to you going. 3
Author Frankie L Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 I don't know what else to do. After listening to you guys on here I agree that I am not strong enough to attend the bbq on Saturday. I feel as though I'm not coping well at all... We have been FULL no contact for a week today. Since kissing her and speaking a couple of times afterwards she has not contacted me at all..She may of blocked my number. But I haven't called her so will not be able to know that.. I think I may need to seek therapy. I have not gone into work today because my head just isn't in the game. I've gone out of town and the way I feel I don't even want to go back.. I'm gutted she hasn't called. Why did she kiss me? Why did she tell me she still loves me and it won't be the last time I see her....then nothing!? I miss her so much and my thoughts are constantly filled with her. I have broke down more over this last week than ever before and I know I'm not doing well. My heart aches and I feel so tired and ill.. We have spoke since bu why hasn't she called? I thought we had something she would miss
Fearful Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Sorry OP I understand how you feel but you just have to learn to respect your self and learn to move on with your life. You have wasted one-third of the time you two had together (6 months) mourning nothing. She is done with fooling you. You are the one now fooling your self by refusing to accept reality. She have no capacity to break up with the new guy because he is in control and have self respect wich you don't have. Time to be in control of your life. Time to respect yourself. Simply move on! 3
BC1980 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I don't know what else to do. After listening to you guys on here I agree that I am not strong enough to attend the bbq on Saturday. I feel as though I'm not coping well at all... We have been FULL no contact for a week today. Since kissing her and speaking a couple of times afterwards she has not contacted me at all..She may of blocked my number. But I haven't called her so will not be able to know that.. I think I may need to seek therapy. I have not gone into work today because my head just isn't in the game. I've gone out of town and the way I feel I don't even want to go back.. I'm gutted she hasn't called. Why did she kiss me? Why did she tell me she still loves me and it won't be the last time I see her....then nothing!? I miss her so much and my thoughts are constantly filled with her. I have broke down more over this last week than ever before and I know I'm not doing well. My heart aches and I feel so tired and ill.. We have spoke since bu why hasn't she called? I thought we had something she would miss My ex messed with my head like yours. You have to be really tough with people like that and never contact them again. Dong give an inch. They will f$ck your mind up big time. Their intentions are not honorable in this least, but they are so good at sucking you in.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I don't know what else to do. After listening to you guys on here I agree that I am not strong enough to attend the bbq on Saturday. I feel as though I'm not coping well at all... We have been FULL no contact for a week today. Since kissing her and speaking a couple of times afterwards she has not contacted me at all..She may of blocked my number. But I haven't called her so will not be able to know that.. I think I may need to seek therapy. I have not gone into work today because my head just isn't in the game. I've gone out of town and the way I feel I don't even want to go back.. I'm gutted she hasn't called. Why did she kiss me? Why did she tell me she still loves me and it won't be the last time I see her....then nothing!? I miss her so much and my thoughts are constantly filled with her. I have broke down more over this last week than ever before and I know I'm not doing well. My heart aches and I feel so tired and ill.. We have spoke since bu why hasn't she called? I thought we had something she would miss If therapy helps, then go for it. However, it's only been a week. This is going to take time. Every time you caved and chased her, you set your breakup clock back to zero. So basically, it's like you broke up last week although the deed was done six months ago. If anything, what has happened in the last week will finally get you to take No Contact seriously and give it a real chance.
jbelle6 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I will agree with everyone else. There are two options for you. Continue the full no contact, or stay in this horrifying Groundhog Day you have yourself in where you are reliving the feelings from the first day she dumped you. I couldn't bare to live that feeling again so I find no contact a breeze. I was with my ex a year and a half as well. I was madly in love with him, I really thought he was the one. The breakup was quite shocking. I do get the pain you are feeling. I went no contact immediately from everywhere. Joined kickboxing, eating cleaner, working out more. I really find exercise picks up my mood the best of anything. I would like to do more new things but this is just a start. I am 4 weeks NC/breakup day today actually. I had to honestly look at my calendar to mention that, I didn't even realize I no longer count the days or pay attention much at all to it. I still think of him, but it's more in passing, not even an hour a day. I'm not spilling this to thread jack with my story, I just figured since our relationship lengths were similar that it would illustrate what real full no contact accomplishes versus 6 months of low contact. I think you've been banging your head against the wall for long enough, this is too painful to keep doing to yourself. NO ONE, I don't care what they look like or how much you loved them, no one is worth this, especially someone who chose another over you. 3
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 What a mess, dude pull yourself together go to therapy do whatever to help you get over this. You asked, like a 12 year old girl, why doesn't she call you anymore....She has a new boyfriend and she dumped you ...those are two strong reasons. Trust me you don't need this girl in your life. So to wrap it up. Start NC (forever with this girl), look after yourself and in the end if this is to much for you to handle go to therapy. 1
Author Frankie L Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 You guys are not going to like me saying this but I ended up going to the bbq. My work colleague explained she would be mortified if i didn't attend. Thing is my ex wasn't there. She was a no show. And when the host called her she made some lame excuse. We had spoken and she confirmed she would see me Saturday.. It seems like since the kiss she has finally realised enough is enough. I saw her later on that day and she said that her new boyfriend she doesn't love him his personality is terrible. We can be friends but thats all and nothing more...she looked great. So hard to accept she doesn't want me anymore. After the bond I thought we had.. I have to let this go but its so hard. She even said c'mon it's been 6 months..so hard
BC1980 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 You guys are not going to like me saying this but I ended up going to the bbq. My work colleague explained she would be mortified if i didn't attend. Thing is my ex wasn't there. She was a no show. And when the host called her she made some lame excuse. We had spoken and she confirmed she would see me Saturday.. It seems like since the kiss she has finally realised enough is enough. I saw her later on that day and she said that her new boyfriend she doesn't love him his personality is terrible. We can be friends but thats all and nothing more...she looked great. So hard to accept she doesn't want me anymore. After the bond I thought we had.. I have to let this go but its so hard. She even said c'mon it's been 6 months..so hard Why did you see her in person? You have to stop doing stuff like that if you are going to move on.
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