Mixed messages from Ex.. ..Feel back again.. [updates]

[Simon Phoenix]

"dude, NC is not a game to get them back. Don't fill his head with that type of hope. NC is to get yourself back. Most people you go NC on won't come back, but the point of NC is to get to where you don't care of they come back or not."

 

 

Everybody goes no contact in the hopes of getting her back. Eventually they move on as a side effect. The truth is that it's the best solution to both move on AND get her back.

 

I love how everybody loves to interject with "NUH UH STUPID DATS NOT WUT ITS FOR" as if it ultimately matters why you do it. The results are the same.

 

This isn't true and the results aren't the same. If you are going NC purely as a wait out it's not going to do you a lick of good. Spending your NC time staring at the phone waiting for him or her to flinch in a game of chicken is counterproductive. Spending your NC sitting around drinking and watching breakup movies doesn't really help either -- see my buddy Froelich's thread from a couple days back.

 

Maybe eventually the people who do the above reach the same conclusion that the people who do it to move forward from the relationship do, but it just takes a hell of a lot longer, is a hell of a lot more painful and are more likely to cave and put themselves back at square one.

 

The purpose and reasoning for NC does matter. If anything, the ex being re-attracted to you is the possible side effect.

[Trovador]

"dude, NC is not a game to get them back. Don't fill his head with that type of hope. NC is to get yourself back. Most people you go NC on won't come back, but the point of NC is to get to where you don't care of they come back or not."

 

 

Everybody goes no contact in the hopes of getting her back. Eventually they move on as a side effect. The truth is that it's the best solution to both move on AND get her back.

 

I love how everybody loves to interject with "NUH UH STUPID DATS NOT WUT ITS FOR" as if it ultimately matters why you do it. The results are the same.

 

Frankly, sir, I am amazed at seeing how you've been on LS some time and ignore even the basics... anyway, count me out, I went NC because I was more interested in me than in the woman who dumped me like ****

 

Please enlighten me: you did get back your ex through NC, how are things going?

[tlegend]

She's going to use you as a backup plan?

 

Then use her as a backup plan.

 

My 2 cents.

[Simon Phoenix]

She's going to use you as a backup plan?

 

Then use her as a backup plan.

 

My 2 cents.

 

He's going to lose that game and lose badly. He's better off just cutting her off and moving forward.

[tlegend]

He's going to lose that game and lose badly. He's better off just cutting her off and moving forward.

 

Don't underestimate a man with a broken heart!

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't underestimate a man with a broken heart!

 

A man with a broken heart against a woman who has all the power and doesn't care? That man is going to get demolished.

[lovelogic]

Dude seriously. Go watch coach corey wayne on youtube. Watch his videos about friend zone and getting an ex back. It will change your perspective.

[Frankie L]

I appreciate all of your views thank you very much.

 

Finding it really difficult to not contact. I totally agree with the analogy of her being my drug. Everything seems to remind me of her at the moment. Its just been one big game by the looks of things, at one point I really thought she would come back. I guess she was just doing that because he wasnt giving her the emotional support that I was.

 

Her number is blocked now so I guess there is no chance I will hear from her again even if she tried to contact me...

 

My thoughts vary each day. From happy memories, to the things we have spoken about and then some days it will be how she left me and found someone else within weeks, what they must do and how it was initiated. Pure torture!

 

She always said to me its nothing like I imagine, i am over thinking it and its not how it may seem.

 

I recpect each and every one of you for taking time out of your day to help me. So for that... Thank you and God Bless.

[Frankie L]

@barky 2

 

Would you mind giving me your advice on this thread if possible please??

[Frankie L]

Just as a bit of an update. As discussed I eventually initiated NC as all of you who have followed this thread advised me.

 

I text my ex stating I wish her all the best for the future but i wont be able to speak to her again because it will just be too damn hard for me because I still love her so much. I told her I will never forget her and blocked her number. And all methods of contact.

 

That was That. Well at least I thought it was.....

 

I received a letter to my home address two weeks later addressed to her, bare in mind at this point we had been in NC for two weeks, I finally felt alot better about myself and glad I had gained the proper closure of telling her. I opened it and it was a parking fine she had obtained. I decided I couldn't get rid of this piece of mail and decided to call her to let her know it had arrived.

 

She answered very surprised. I kept it short and sweet and explained it had come, She said thanks for letting me know can I come and pick it up from your please. I thought this was weird.

 

Anyway when she come we talked for literally around an hour, she explained this new guy was nothing and a horrible person, hardly appreciates her and never shows her any attention, shes tried to break it off with him a couple of times but hes always made it incredibly difficult for her, with me she feels like shes with a real man (i'm like 6'2) and hes such a dwarf (her words exactly) & that he is horrible to her and they hardly see each other?? It just seems so weird, she said I'm completely looking at this in the wrong way. She misses me and misses what we had, her new relationship is nothing compared to what we had and that she does still have feelings for me, we had a laugh and a joke and I honestly believed just from this conversation reconciliation or at least the chance was close. She explained she would remain in contact as it hurt her so much the last time I cut her off, she was really upset by it again her words...

 

We stayed in contact. Next time I saw her at work... MAN O MAN, mind messer!!

 

ON her lunch she was supposed to meet me. Turns out she's on the phone discussing her plans with her boyfriend. I just cant believe it man, wtf. We have since spoke and she said she would stay in contact and that we will take things slow and see how things go.

 

This was just over a week ago. NOTHING since, not a jot. Not an ounce of contact.

 

All I can think is this guy blew her brains away the weekend he took her out and shes decided to cut it for good with me? I just don't see why she would want to stay in contact and then not even talk?

 

Mind Fuc***!!?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Just as a bit of an update. As discussed I eventually initiated NC as all of you who have followed this thread advised me.

 

I text my ex stating I wish her all the best for the future but i wont be able to speak to her again because it will just be too damn hard for me because I still love her so much. I told her I will never forget her and blocked her number. And all methods of contact.

 

That was That. Well at least I thought it was.....

 

I received a letter to my home address two weeks later addressed to her, bare in mind at this point we had been in NC for two weeks, I finally felt alot better about myself and glad I had gained the proper closure of telling her. I opened it and it was a parking fine she had obtained. I decided I couldn't get rid of this piece of mail and decided to call her to let her know it had arrived.

 

She answered very surprised. I kept it short and sweet and explained it had come, She said thanks for letting me know can I come and pick it up from your please. I thought this was weird.

 

Anyway when she come we talked for literally around an hour, she explained this new guy was nothing and a horrible person, hardly appreciates her and never shows her any attention, shes tried to break it off with him a couple of times but hes always made it incredibly difficult for her, with me she feels like shes with a real man (i'm like 6'2) and hes such a dwarf (her words exactly) & that he is horrible to her and they hardly see each other?? It just seems so weird, she said I'm completely looking at this in the wrong way. She misses me and misses what we had, her new relationship is nothing compared to what we had and that she does still have feelings for me, we had a laugh and a joke and I honestly believed just from this conversation reconciliation or at least the chance was close. She explained she would remain in contact as it hurt her so much the last time I cut her off, she was really upset by it again her words...

 

We stayed in contact. Next time I saw her at work... MAN O MAN, mind messer!!

 

ON her lunch she was supposed to meet me. Turns out she's on the phone discussing her plans with her boyfriend. I just cant believe it man, wtf. We have since spoke and she said she would stay in contact and that we will take things slow and see how things go.

 

This was just over a week ago. NOTHING since, not a jot. Not an ounce of contact.

 

All I can think is this guy blew her brains away the weekend he took her out and shes decided to cut it for good with me? I just don't see why she would want to stay in contact and then not even talk?

 

Mind Fuc***!!?

 

This is why we said NO CONTACT!!!

 

This LITERALLY means NO CONTACT! Not "Oh parking ticket came. Guess its time to chat it up"

 

Those were all breadcrumbs. She can say "Oh, I want to be with you. My new BF is a tool, but you are what I want" BS all day long. It's all words and no actions. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. The long and short of it. If her new BF is such a pain, then why is she with him? Because she wants you to stay around as the backup plan in case new guy doesnt turn out the way she wanted it. She will bash him in front of you to give you that false security, but continue to do whatever with new guy. If it doesnt work out for some reason, you get sloppy seconds. That sounds appealing. You just made it worse by showing that you are still around.

 

You have to let this go. No talking and full moving on.

[Frankie L]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I understand totally your points.

 

Its just hard to see that a woman who supposedly once loved me so much can do this, as I stated we haven't spoke now in over a week. Its my Birthday on Sunday and I doubt she will even contact for that so...

 

Its gutting because next time I think then 6 months will have gone by, then 7, then years.

 

Its horrible it really is and I just kind of thought there was some hope there I guess that's why I did it. We did a lot together and she lived with me for practically half of the relationship, me and my mother took her in when she was kicked out of her home..

 

And now all of a sudden her life is perfect. New man, great parents, great friends.. Its horrible, how can she forget it all.

 

I am NC without a doubt I cant take this anymore. I just thought with NC it makes you feel better?

[Zahara]

I just thought with NC it makes you feel better?

 

It is supposed to make you feel better only if you implement it correctly and invest time in it. Two weeks of NC is nothing. And going back to break the ice over a parking ticket kicked your behind right back to where you started.

 

And when you start NC, it's going to make you feel worse before it gets better.

 

Block her.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I understand totally your points.

 

Its just hard to see that a woman who supposedly once loved me so much can do this, as I stated we haven't spoke now in over a week. Its my Birthday on Sunday and I doubt she will even contact for that so...

 

Its gutting because next time I think then 6 months will have gone by, then 7, then years.

 

Its horrible it really is and I just kind of thought there was some hope there I guess that's why I did it. We did a lot together and she lived with me for practically half of the relationship, me and my mother took her in when she was kicked out of her home..

 

And now all of a sudden her life is perfect. New man, great parents, great friends.. Its horrible, how can she forget it all.

 

I am NC without a doubt I cant take this anymore. I just thought with NC it makes you feel better?

 

First, I doubt she "forgot it all" She just chose to go a different path. Sadly, that happens.

 

I doubt her life is perfect, you just preceive it that way because your life isnt going as well currently. Once the smoke clears, you'll see it wasnt that great either.

 

Healing from a relationship takes different speeds for different people. You say NC is to make you feel better, but damn son, you havent fully done it. Couple weeks at best. Having coffee, texting, whatever. You arent healing, but rather staying in this purgatory of pain. (Sweet professional wrestling name)

 

Look man, you HAVE to not contact her anymore. Block her from EVERYTHING. Only then will you fully start to feel better.

[bubbaganoosh]

*****Update******

 

 

I text her after the call and said, I'm sorry but I cannot be just friends with you, In order to move on I have to let you go and I know that's what I need to do, I wish you all the best will never forget you" I have since blocked her number and all methods of contact this has been 4 days now..

 

I feel alot better and I now feel a lot more in control.. The thing is.. I just CANNOT seem to stop thinking about her, I miss her like crazy, Im not as emotional any more and I am living my life and enjoying it, But I have a lot of times where I think of her and what we used to be...

 

Does anyone have an advice please? It would be greatly appreciated... I feel as though im nearly there!

 

 

You did the right thing. The only way your going to move on is by stop all contact with her.

 

If she really cared about you like she said, she wouldn't be playing head games with you.

 

IMO, she's giving you the right amount of attention just to keep you still interested just in case things fall apart with this new guy, then sh pulls the string and you pop up.

 

That is a very selfish and manipulative thing she's doing and your the only one that can break the cycle.

 

By waiting around for her, I have a feeling that you passed up at least a half dozen other women who would treat you right so stop wasting your time and move on.

[FredJones80]

And now all of a sudden her life is perfect. New man, great parents, great friends.. Its horrible, how can she forget it all.

 

As someone wise on here said - "nothing is as it seems"

 

You assume it is "perfect" you assume because you hear, or you see, or you read what is on social media. As other wiser than me LS'ers have said before, social media is a way of putting out the best image of yourself.

 

How many times do people (woman in most cases) take hundreds of photos of themselves only to spend hours finding "the one" to put on their profile. Most people do! They want to show the best of themselves and this is also reflected in posts, comments.

 

Its like when people leave reviews, people tend to leave reviews for something when they have a negative opinion but less so when they have a positive one.

 

Its the same with social media but reversed, everyone wants to post when they have something positive, but less so when they have something negative. Everyone wants to be seen to their friends, family, old school buddies like they're having the time of their lives earning mega bucks, reality isn't that clear cut.

 

How often do you ask an old friend in the street how they're doing, to be told something like "good, good" or whatever other positive connotation. People don't tend to start reeling off negative things.

 

Anyway, i've babbled enough, but don't assume everything is rosey in the garden, it may be, it may not, however, it is also the honeymoon phase, things may go down hill from here on in.

 

Chin up.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I understand totally your points.

 

Its just hard to see that a woman who supposedly once loved me so much can do this, as I stated we haven't spoke now in over a week. Its my Birthday on Sunday and I doubt she will even contact for that so...

 

Its gutting because next time I think then 6 months will have gone by, then 7, then years.

 

Its horrible it really is and I just kind of thought there was some hope there I guess that's why I did it. We did a lot together and she lived with me for practically half of the relationship, me and my mother took her in when she was kicked out of her home..

 

And now all of a sudden her life is perfect. New man, great parents, great friends.. Its horrible, how can she forget it all.

 

I am NC without a doubt I cant take this anymore. I just thought with NC it makes you feel better?

 

 

 

 

Dude, I wish I knew where you were so I could slap you upside the head!!

 

 

Remember what I posted with the drug analogy? I said you would see her toothbrush and wonder if she wanted it back? Therefore, giving you an EXCUSE to break NC to get your drug fix?

 

 

Parking ticket= toothbrush.

 

 

You couldn't have dropped it off on her desk before or after work? You couldn't have given it to a mutual friend to give to her; or a co-worker? You couldn't have put it into a new envelope and mailed it to her current address?

 

 

Will you heal by doing NC? Yes. Will you heal even faster with NC and making positive changes in your life? HELL YES! And we've told you this already!

 

 

So, what positive changes have you made? Have you joined a club? What club is it? Have you joined a men's soccer league? Or Co-ed softball league? Do you have a new hobby? What is it? Did you join a gym? How often do you go? Have you bought a new wardrobe? Have you taken a trip somewhere since the break up? Where did you go? Have you signed up for a photography course or a cooking class?

 

 

If you can't answer those questions, then you're not doing enough to make positive changes in your life.

[CaliBabe]

You don't listen to any advice anyone is giving you. This pain you are feeling is your own fault.

 

You KNOW you should be NC but you used this parking ticket as an excuse to get in contact with her. She is playing you!!!

 

She straight told you that nothing would happen between you two again. I don't know how much more clear she needs to be.

 

What further advice can anyone on here give you? You won't listen and just end up hurting yourself.

 

Had you gone NC right from the breakup you might have had a chance. You would certainly be much further in the healing process and you would have much more self respect.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I understand totally your points.

 

Its just hard to see that a woman who supposedly once loved me so much can do this, as I stated we haven't spoke now in over a week. Its my Birthday on Sunday and I doubt she will even contact for that so...

 

Its gutting because next time I think then 6 months will have gone by, then 7, then years.

 

Its horrible it really is and I just kind of thought there was some hope there I guess that's why I did it. We did a lot together and she lived with me for practically half of the relationship, me and my mother took her in when she was kicked out of her home..

 

And now all of a sudden her life is perfect. New man, great parents, great friends.. Its horrible, how can she forget it all.

 

I am NC without a doubt I cant take this anymore. I just thought with NC it makes you feel better?

 

No Contact makes you feel better if you ACTUALLY STAY NO CONTACT! Two weeks isn't No Contact -- it's an extended vacation. You have to invest months upon months of No Contact. You acted like a sucker with using the parking ticket as an excuse to talk to her and you got played for a sucker. Lesson learned -- don't be a sucker.

[Frankie L]

Me and my ex girlfriend broke up nearly 6 months ago after a year and a half relationship. We had a great relationship and we would regularly talk about the future and how happy we was. I have never loved anything so much in all my life. We broke up after hitting a rocky patch within the relationship just couldn't seem to get past arguments and bickering.

 

2 weeks after our break up she starts seeing someone else. Turns out this guy was showing her attention whilst we were still together. I was heartbroken and devastated. This guy is known to be a player and not a nice man however she is still seeing him to this day. She's admitted to me numerous times since the split that he isn't a patch on me and she still has feelings for me misses me.

 

We have remained in LC ever since the split and never really stopped talking. Mostly initiated by me. This is the weird bit. Last weekend I was at the club and she happened to be there. We spent the whole night together dancing and having a good time we were both really happy. The end of the night came and she offered to take me home. In the car she hugged me and I felt myself start to well up. My emotions were crazy at this point and I confessed I couldn't forget her and I still loved her so much. We kissed numerous times and it was real passionate. I could not believe it. After what has happened since the split I thought any chance of getting close to her like that again would never come.

 

 

She has since said she regretted it happened and felt bad on her new partner. She liked the night and the kiss but it was morally wrong. She said she can't get back with me and she shouldn't of got my hopes up.

 

I feel even worse now than I did 6 months ago. My heart aches and I struggle to sleep. I feel so confused. Just don't know what to do !?

[d0nnivain]

You are back at square one.

 

She left you for another guy. You think nothing happened between them while you were together but her behavior with you (cheating on him) shows that she may not be on the moral high ground.

 

If she reaches out & you want to get back together, tell her fine if she breaks up with him 1st. Don't be the guy she cheats on her BF with.

[Frankie L]

You are back at square one.

 

She left you for another guy. You think nothing happened between them while you were together but her behavior with you (cheating on him) shows that she may not be on the moral high ground.

 

If she reaches out & you want to get back together, tell her fine if she breaks up with him 1st. Don't be the guy she cheats on her BF with.

 

Would you say that is is best for me to implement NC now? We have spoke a couple of times since. I feel as though the progress I have made has been reset but seriously nothing made me happier than that night. It was like the girl I used to know. She told me things with her and this new guy are complicated and a bit messed up at the moment. And that she isn't as happy.

 

I miss this girl and I wasn't doing too bad without her. But for us to kiss when I never thought we would again has just baffled me.

 

Thank you for your input it is taken on board I do appreciate what you are saying with her cheating on him..

 

Feel more anxious and shakey than ever!!

[Simon Phoenix]

Me and my ex girlfriend broke up nearly 6 months ago after a year and a half relationship. We had a great relationship and we would regularly talk about the future and how happy we was. I have never loved anything so much in all my life. We broke up after hitting a rocky patch within the relationship just couldn't seem to get past arguments and bickering.

 

2 weeks after our break up she starts seeing someone else. Turns out this guy was showing her attention whilst we were still together. I was heartbroken and devastated. This guy is known to be a player and not a nice man however she is still seeing him to this day. She's admitted to me numerous times since the split that he isn't a patch on me and she still has feelings for me misses me.

 

We have remained in LC ever since the split and never really stopped talking. Mostly initiated by me. This is the weird bit. Last weekend I was at the club and she happened to be there. We spent the whole night together dancing and having a good time we were both really happy. The end of the night came and she offered to take me home. In the car she hugged me and I felt myself start to well up. My emotions were crazy at this point and I confessed I couldn't forget her and I still loved her so much. We kissed numerous times and it was real passionate. I could not believe it. After what has happened since the split I thought any chance of getting close to her like that again would never come.

 

 

She has since said she regretted it happened and felt bad on her new partner. She liked the night and the kiss but it was morally wrong. She said she can't get back with me and she shouldn't of got my hopes up.

 

I feel even worse now than I did 6 months ago. My heart aches and I struggle to sleep. I feel so confused. Just don't know what to do !?

 

It's time for you to do what has been suggested to you over and over in this thread -- go No Contact. Until you do this, and until you stick to this, you'll be caught in this limbo.

 

You really have to stop being your own worst enemy.

[Frankie L]

I am going to try my best. It's incredibly difficult. Is it normal to have a very very strong urge to contact and strong thoughts of her immediately after breaking NC?

 

This has seemed the hardest bit so far

 

@Simon Phoenix

[Simon Phoenix]

I am going to try my best. It's incredibly difficult. Is it normal to have a very very strong urge to contact and strong thoughts of her immediately after breaking NC?

 

This has seemed the hardest bit so far

 

@Simon Phoenix

 

Of course it's normal. But every time you cave, you dig yourself further in the hole. And dude, you've been caving for a long, long time. It's time to stop the cycle of lunacy. It's hard, no question there, but you gotta do it, because what you are doing right now is self-torture.