markmywords Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 i'm not that jealous of a person. but tonight it got pushed my girlfriend was at a guy shouse tonight, a co workers of her. this is the 3rd time in 4 days she has been there. I'm not a fan of the guy. They only work with each other a bit and one day I heard him say to her "hey thursday we work together. we got a date!" i thought it was ridiculous to say. tonight i asked what she was up to and she said i'm at jakes me:again? her:we are just hanging? me: is there something going on? her: nah its whatever me:what you mean what ever? me: is there interest? her: seriously. night me: what? me: its a simple question me: why cnat you answer it? her: im busy me: wow me: so you will text others when we hang but not me when you are with a guy at 1230 am alone!?!? me: if theres interest between you two or somethings going on, let me know so i can just move on her: we are just friends chill dude oh my gosh me: ok you could have said that before soooo yea... i got jealous do i trust her? yes...but to be at this guys house until 2 am alone???!! and its been 3 nights in 4 days i'm just not a fan of it. to me its a sign of disrespect. how would she feel if i was with a girl
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) i'm not that jealous of a person. but tonight it got pushed <SNIP> i'm just not a fan of it. to me its a sign of disrespect. how would she feel if i was with a girl Put it this way. I think anyone whose boyfriend or girlfriend was spending a copious amount of time with a specific person of the opposite sex would be thinking something would be going on. I think it looks dodgy... And she clearly has little to no respect for your feelings on the subject. Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6
Author markmywords Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Put it this way. I think anyone whose boyfriend or girlfriend was spending a copious amount of time with a specific person of the opposite sex would be thinking something would be going on. I think it looks dodgy... And she clearly has little to no respect for your feelings on the subject. im going to talk to her tomorrow. im basically just going to tell her "if theres interest or you guys have something going on, just tell me and i can move on" "if you are friends thats great, but to be spending this much time with him and not laving until 3 am is not right
David87 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I think that the dude banget her brains out sorry If I'm too graphic. I wouldn't accept this kind of behaviour from my girl. It's strange to be at someones place that late in the night. 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 im going to talk to her tomorrow. im basically just going to tell her "if theres interest or you guys have something going on, just tell me and i can move on" "if you are friends thats great, but to be spending this much time with him and not laving until 3 am is not right Talking too her isn't going to do anything. If she is cheating on you she's not going to admit it. You need to decide if you can live like this. You shouldn't be sat at home thinking "oh my girlfriends at his house for the 4th time this week what's going on" you should be thinking "this is entirely unacceptable and if it doesn't stop... See ya later" She doesn't seem to have much respect for your opinion, she literally doesn't care if she's being accused... Something is going on. If someone accused me of something like this, and I genuinely wasn't doing anything wrong... I'd defend myself. A weak "nothing's going on" is a token at best. 1
melell Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I think it is really obvious that this girl thinks no matter what she does you will bow down. It is not balanced in that respect- I have seen it time and time again, if one person knows the other is going to stick around no matter what they quickly lose respect, it is almost like a natural response- it happens almost automatically. Walk away now. Shut her down- don't have the conversation, just ignore her. She might end up gaining respect and begging you to give her a chance, if not, you have saved yourself from wasting anymore time. What you are seeing now is a sign of whats to come, no matter how much you don't want that to be the case. Have pride in yourself now. 2
soccerrprp Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) im going to talk to her tomorrow. im basically just going to tell her "if theres interest or you guys have something going on, just tell me and i can move on" "if you are friends thats great, but to be spending this much time with him and not laving until 3 am is not right This is all too reserved of statement. markmywords, she's not going to come right out and tell you there's something else going on until you PUSH her. At this stage I wouldn't worry about whether you lose her or not by simply telling her to stop seeing this guy or you will end it. You should not be understanding or accept anything less than her cease and desist in this behavior. I'm with some of the others, I think she's already done the deed. The texting exchange was a tepid denial at best by her. BTW, it did not sound like you were out of bounds with excessive jealousy. You were spot on in challenging her in this and asking the questions you did. Edited April 3, 2014 by soccerrprp 2
Ajax Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 do i trust her? yes...but to be at this guys house until 2 am alone???!! and its been 3 nights in 4 days i'm just not a fan of it. to me its a sign of disrespect. how would she feel if i was with a girl Do you trust her? No... you don't really. And I don't think a reasonable person would after her recent behavior. Insecurity, distrust, and jealousy do destroy relationships. Misplaced, those feelings eat away at us and corrode the bonds of an otherwise healthy partnership. But sometimes those feelings protect us from a very real threat. The trick is to know the difference. In this case I think your feelings are the natural reaction from the latter. My girlfriend and I also have friends of the opposite sex, but if this happened in our relationship neither one of us would stand for it. We respect each other and cherish our relationship too much to put each other in that position. We trust each other, yes, but we don't abuse that trust. Your girlfriend seems to be. Even if nothing is going on, as she claims, she doesn't seem to be concerned with your feelings, which is a problem in itself. Of course there are two sides to every story but based on your description of what's going on it sounds like she's playing you. And as another poster commented above, she's not going to admit it. Likely she's going to play innocent, and turn it back around on you for being "insecure." Gaslighting. You're going to have to be the adult here. 2
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 There is no need for a talk here. Her behavior is unacceptable from someone in a relationship. EVEN if they play bingo all night till 2a.m. being alone at a man's house every night of the week till middle of the night is highly disrespectful of you and your relationship. You were not wrong being jealous. You should be jealous and mad and walk away. 1
oz-missy Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I do enjoy how everyone immediately fears the worst when two people of the opposite sex hang out. Men and women can be friends. JUST friends. One of my best friends was a male that I worked with. He was like my brother, we'd always be hanging out. I quite frankly saw him more than he saw his gf at the time. Yes she was jealous as all hell, but there was absolutely nothing happening between us. The thought of anything like that happening is enough to make me gag. OP have a sit down talk with your gf. Tell her your concerns and try and come up with solutions where she can see this friend of hers yet keep your fears at bay. Maybe have all three of you hang out together? If you do hang out together, be chill and just be like you would be hanging out with any other friends. See where it goes from there. If she is steadfast against you meeting/hanging out all together then you can question her regarding her motives. Good luck. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I do enjoy how everyone immediately fears the worst when two people of the opposite sex hang out. Men and women can be friends. JUST friends. One of my best friends was a male that I worked with. He was like my brother, we'd always be hanging out. I quite frankly saw him more than he saw his gf at the time. Yes she was jealous as all hell, but there was absolutely nothing happening between us. The thought of anything like that happening is enough to make me gag. OP have a sit down talk with your gf. Tell her your concerns and try and come up with solutions where she can see this friend of hers yet keep your fears at bay. Maybe have all three of you hang out together? If you do hang out together, be chill and just be like you would be hanging out with any other friends. See where it goes from there. If she is steadfast against you meeting/hanging out all together then you can question her regarding her motives. Good luck. It's not even slightly about the fact she's spending time with someone of the opposite sex. She is passive and spending copious amounts of time, at a mans house, alone. Come the hell on!! Unless he bats for his own team there is very much a cause for concern
Keenly Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 At this point, in my opinion, its not even whether or not she is cheating anymore. Looking at the blatant disrespect and disregard of your feelings in these texts. She is being a female dog. And you are okay with that? 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 In your other thread almost everyone thought that "then we got a date" was a normal thing for him to facebook message her about a work shift. I toooooold you that was a shady thing for a male coworker to tell a taken girl!! Anyways, a SO hanging out with someone of the opposite sex at midnight alone is disrespectful. Drop this ho.
Author markmywords Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 yea i mean,was i jealous yes..but i had a right to be
Author markmywords Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 she clarified again nothing was going on and i acted stupid last night
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 yea i mean,was i jealous yes..but i had a right to be jealousy isn't the issue here. I wonder if your girl is like those that plant the ideas in guys heads that they're being "jealous," "insecure," and "controlling" because they stand up for themselves when the girl is obviously acting inappropriately.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 she clarified again nothing was going on and i acted stupid last night Who cares?! If she doesn't see the problem with what she was doing and turns it back on you being the bad guy, then forget her. She's a disrespectful manipulator. Start detaching emotionally.
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 she clarified again nothing was going on and i acted stupid last night So because she says nothing is going on it makes it right? She is arrogant, insensitive and treats you like you're nothing but her neighbor.
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Let me guess....you're afraid of being alone *shaking head*
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 OP, don't you have threads under another username? Tylerskaggs? Either that or there are identical coworkers telling taken women that when they work together they "have a date."
Ajax Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 she clarified again nothing was going on and i acted stupid last night Oh, okay. It's a good thing that she clarified.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Op forgive my bluntness but you are being a doormat. You are letting her do what she wants, with who she wants and then because she says "nothing is going on" you believe her. She is immature,cruel,ignorant and most likely screwing around on you. Even if she isn't you think it's acceptable for her to spend more time with some other bloke than you? Wake up and smell the coffee. You deserve better. Jealousy and insecurity aren't an issue here the only issue here is your scummy girlfriend and her scummy "buddy" 1
Stay Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 It's different if it's all the co-workers and a big group hanging out but her and him together. Even if she doesn't have any intentions, he sure as hell does doing that and knowing that alone is enough to slowly allow a girl to fall for him. Either way hanging out alone like that until that time is really unacceptable and the fact that she doesn't understand your position also is very selfish of her. If she doesn't want to talk cut it off with her. I'm serious also, if you cut it off you might see her hanging out with her co-worker more also so be prepared.
Do_The_Herp Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 yea i mean,was i jealous yes..but i had a right to be If you'd call having a pair to call someone out on their blatant bull****, then I agree. DO NOT let her back, she's already burned the bridge but would gladly take advantage of the opportunity should you rowboat over to her like a sorry sucker... No respectful female stays over a dude's house at abnormally late hours for several nights with a dude that their partner doesn't even like.. Did you really need us to tell you that this is unacceptable? Don't feel too bad though - a cheater's a cheater. You could look like a male model and have the same problem. Drop her worthless ass - treat HER like the trash she's presenting herself as. Leave her out on the curb.. Y'know what they say.. Something 'bout trash and treasure? Let some other shmuck find that "pearl".. 1
Recommended Posts